Scratching it All Away

Ugh. This is hard to write. I feel stupid and ashamed.

I was addicted to the online casinos [blackjack, slots, etc.]. I must've lost about 15 K in the span of a year on there.

I finally decided to self excude from online casinos, and that was a step in the right direction.

Well, about 2 months passed without any gambling. Then, about 3 months ago, I decided to buy a scratch off ticket. I won $500 on my very first $30 ticket purhcased, and felt on top of the world! Gosh how I wish it was just a loser!

Since then I have spent close to another 5 K on tickets, sometimes buying entire books of tickets at a time, trying to hunt down the big prize. To think I spent all those years walking past the ticket machines without purchasing.....

This morning I won another $500 prize. I told myself I was going to deposit $400 and only spend $100 more on tickets.

Welp, I lost all $500 chasing down my losses on the $100. It goes very quick with 20-30 tickets.

Between the casinos and tickets I lost about 20 K at least. I think about how crazy I would go if I won 20 L on a ticket, and then realize that's about how much I've lost in about a year and a half gambling. It makes me sick. That was a little less than half my savings, and I can't lose another dime to this stupid, stupid habit.

Unfortunately I can't self-exclude from scratch tickets, but I am ready to start seeing my bank account trend in the positive. I can't afford this after working so hard to save.......

Welcome to the forum Stop,

I have also had a small stint with the addiction to scratch tickets. We all pick the poisons that suit us in the moment. The addiction to gambling fulfills an underlying deficit in our lives. Those scratch tickets got me hooked on the anticipation and the thrill and I would take forever to scratch them to extend that feeling. I know a few people addicted to scratch tickets and I think the best solution would be to attend GA meetings to hear how other people have dealt with scratch tickets.