Existential Crisis

I relapse again tonight and over the years i’ve gambled away my life savings. The gambling started in my twenties when I started to have an existential crisis because I was diagnosed with cancer twice and it left me with a chronically illness to this day (i’m almost 40 now). I can’t seem to deal with life when facing or thinking about death and resort to gambling. Any advice would be helpful because right now I don’t see any point..

Sorry to hear about the relapse Nirvan as well as the cancer.

I have thought about your situation before. If I was faced with my own mortality, would I continue to gamble? My early response would be as you said, Why not and I don't see much of a point since I would eventually leave this place. However, my viewpoint has changed over the years...

In one of the GA rooms, a member told me that No matter how bad your day is going, it can always be made worse by gambling. I find that very true and know that if I had a limited number of days, I wouldn't want to worry about the lies, the secrecy and the emotional roller coaster of gambling. I would want to live with peace and spending quality time.

I am sorry if I am writing this as if you were dying in a month or two. It isn't my intention to be so morbid. I was just explain thoughts I had before.

I would look to see what gives you joy in life and go for it. The escape that gambling provides is temporary and I think you need something more sustaining and fulfilling.

RSO (Rick Simpson Oil) saved many people who were diagnosed with cancer, I am personally against the traditional "treatments" (e.g. chemo aka kill-me-therapy) ... my mom unfortunately refused to take RSO made from Cannabis, I tried to perusade her and she chose to listen to the doctors instead - and now she is not here with me anymore.

This forum however is not about cancer treatments, I'm aware of it, but I feel like I have to show you there's a positive side to every condition in life, if you believe in it - then that's a start.

Gambling is never going to make your life better, never - please dedicate your time, energy, thoughts and anything else you have in life - in order to improve it, but keep in mind gambling is not a way to improve your life, it's an emotional, personal and financial destruction.