Wife serious gambling addiction

Not really sure how to start this-

My wife has had this addiction for 5+ years. She has killed our account or bills too many times and Christmas is next month with 6 kids and a grandchild. I dont know if I want to do this marriage anymore.

I love my wife, but we've fought so many times about this topic. She has lost her car to gambling, lost paychecks, 2 payday loans, cashed in 401k and lost it all, but always expects forgiveness. That said, I adore her and hate her now at the same time. I mean seriously our kids suffer comfort, however, she will argue this with me. I believe No child should have to worry about school lunch when their parents make a combined income of 140k a year. My wife has the belief if she dies tomorrow she has lived life to her fullest. I like a different approach that I love to live life with a financial safety net.

My wife refuses to get help with some type of addiction program or counseling program. I know this is an addiction and simple WILL will not help her. I am at an end road here and I'm a ######6 fighter, but I'm sooo damn tired now.

What do I do?

You will to somehow agree to take all money and credit away from her. She will eventually lose everything that she can get her hands on-plus. That is the nature of this disease/addiction.

If not I am afraid you only have one choice: you will have to divorce your wife. If she believes that she has "lived her life to the fullest" by losing her car to gambling, losing paychecks, losing her 401(k), she is in extraordinary denial. Gambling does not offer a full life but takes a full life away. When someone is in this deep of denial, there is no possibility of change and of obtaining the help that is absolutely necessary to change and surrender to this addiction. There has to be so many lies to the children and she has to be emotionally absent after gambling losses. This is a terrible example for the children and leaves an emotional vacuum. Being around an active addict, will have more long lasting devastating consequences than a divorce ever will. Maybe a divorce will allow her to reach rock bottom and understand the devastation this addiction has wreaked on her life. Maybe at that time she will seek the necessary help and be able to recover from this insidious addiction.

Welcome to the forum,

I am sorry to hear about the situation you are in. It is very tough be in a relationship with an active addict who is in complete denial. As Notlookingback said, you need to protect yourself and separate the finances. With me, the house and all valuable assets are now in my wife's name. I also do not have access to the our joint account and we have separate bank accounts.

I wouldn't go as far as saying divorce because with kids, it makes things more complicated. At the same time, you can't force the person to quit. THEY need to want to quit. If you force them, they will surely go back, plus it will cause you tremendous strain on the relationship. There are support groups for family members of addict that you can go to and get advice and support: Gam-anon.
If you feel that the marriage is completely hopeless, then by all means, get a divorce. Your mental health is more important than someone else. Take care of yourself first.

Welcome and I'm sorry that your family is going through this . Gambling addiction is a brutal disease and denial is one of its worst symptoms .

I agree with Aries in recommending Gam-Anon . You'll find others there facing the same situation with their loved ones . The support to be found there is of great value . You're not alone in this .

There is only one thing that keeps gambling addiction alive . Cash .
You need cash to gamble with . Credit has limits and eventually those limits are reached . When I was gambling , my credit card statement included a pie chart of my usage . 95% of it was cash advances . My card limit was 25K and I'd maxed it out in under a year .

Please take steps to protect yourself financially . This may sound extreme but this addiction has driven people to do some pretty extreme things to get the cash they need to feed it . Do a web search of the term Familiar Fraud . It's scary and eye-opening .

Look closely at your joint assets ( if any ) and ask yourself how you could convert any of it to cash without your wife knowing . If you can find a way , be assured that she can . Forging a spouse's signature is not uncommon . Get your own savings account , debit and credit cards and if you don't absolutely need a checking account , close it and use auto-debit , cc or bank transfer payments from the savings account for bills . Checks can be be bounced . They can also be forged .

Keep your debit/cc cards safely stored , as well as account numbers and PINs . Make sure online account passwords are changed regularly . You may want to consult a lawyer about your possible liability for her debt and what you can do about it .

Protect your children's SSN numbers . They can be used to take loans out . You can sign them up for credit monitoring with any ( or all ) of the big three companies and set up alerts for any activity involving their names .

I can't advise you about divorce . That's something that you will have to decide for yourself . I think it's best that from this point on you consider yourself to be your children's sole provider . Better to take that role upon yourself than to be constantly let down by your wife . Gambling has made itself her Number One Priority and the addiction will not let that change anytime soon .

All of the above is advice for the absolute worst case scenario and I hope with all my heart that it never happens but when you're dealing with addiction , overkill is far better than being blindsided . I hope she gets the help she needs .

You can pay a professional thousands and thousands of dollars and not get as good as the advice New Sun Rising stated. This is professional as it gets, including attending GAM ANON. Attending Gam Anon will provide you compassion, understanding and knowledge. It will also give you strength and restore your sanity. Best wishes.