UPDATE: TODAY IS MY LAST DAY GAMBLING PERIOD. I WILL NOT

GIVE ANOTHER CENT TO THE CASINO.

Today is the last day I give a cent to the casino. I am livid. I feel sick.

If you've been following my posts, you know that this past Monday I won about 5k at the casino. If I would have stopped I would be sitting at a pretty nice place financially, but you know us gamblers, it's never enough and we always think about the what ifs. What if I can win more. I can win more. Etc, etc, etc.

Well Tuesday I lost about 2 grand. On Wednesday I was determined to win it back and lost around another two grand.

Then comes today. I had 600 left to my name. I thought of a strategy in my head to win slowly but surely, so then what happens?

I end up going to the casino I had been playing at multiple times in this past month or so, and I see my mother there which never happens. I had to lie to her to tell her I was over there getting some food. I quickly placed 4 bets when she wasn't looking, but she saw when she turned around. I lost all 4 bets and quickly left.

I go home upset, thinking the timing of my bets were off, etc, and how could she be there. What do I do? I google and find another cardroom close by and try again. I get there and lose 4 more bets in a row using my strategy. In total I lost 8 hands in a row for the 600 I had left to my name. I left and felt so disgusted.

When I was outside waiting for my lyft/uber ride, I felt so sick. I felt so angry about how I had helped build about 2 or more casinos/cardrooms in my lifetime with all my losses.

I am in great financial distress as I was before I began gambling again, but I told myself I will never give another cent to the casino, and with my luck, it is possible for me to lose 100 hands in a row.

I am sick, I am done, I will no longer gamble.

I'm glad you've chosen to make this decision . Now is the time to follow through and self-exclude , find a GA meeting and set up your roadblocks to cash access . Now is the time to make a plan and put that plan into action .

Let your anger and disgust fuel you . People sometimes need to reach a breaking point before they take the leap to make a change . I hope this is yours .

All the best TS

Hi BadluckLeavesMeBroke,

It seems like a familiar situation we have all faced before.

You need to make the change. There is a saying "Doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results is insanity"
You and I, we are wired differently compared to those who are not addicted, we can never be the same as how we were before the addiction when we were not in a mess. The sooner you understand that we are never going to be the same and plant it in yourself, the sooner you can begin your journey towards being GF.