The good...and the bad

why do I keep beating myself up? why? why?
In the past week I relapsed and have gambled away much of my savings and all of my foolish pride. I find it hard to believe in this calm moment that I actually beat myself up like this time and time again.
Its time i reset my attitude and start my relearning at square one.
Today is May the 3rd,
Day ONE gf.

I am sorry to hear about the troubles you are having these days HB,

I remember that when I relapsed (after much convincing from the addiction), it opened a flood gate. I figured that since I gambled, I was really going to GAMBLE. The gf days, the recovery and the work I put it was easily thrown out the window. Kinda like, when you are going to cheat on a diet, you don't eat a spoon-full of ice cream, you eat a tub of it. I easily went back to the old gambling patterns and accrued much more debt. I was back into the cycle...

Day One doesn't have to start from rock-bottom. It seems like you did some damage, but not total damage. Realize that right now is an extremely high trigger time and keep your awareness on high alert for those irrational gambling thoughts. You have had success before so you know how to deal with these demons. You can do it and I am sure you can get through the next two weeks without doing any more damage. One day at a time my friend.

Listen to Ares411 , HB .

Beating ourselves up after a relapse is normal . You have the tools and the strength to get past this and get back into recovery . As painful as it is , relapse can teach us to recognize the weaknesses in our battle plans and what triggers us to gamble again after so much GF time . Forewarned is forearmed .

Get back up and fight again . You're going to beat this thing .

Thank you so much for your helpful comments NSR and Aries. I really need to hear these words of wisdom at this foggy time for me. This past week has been a whirlwind and I still can't figure out what triggered my madness and folly.
I must be on guard for the next trigger and not get complacent because the fight will never end for me. That's the reality of this sickness. All the best to everyone.
Day 2 gf.