Back again

I have been absent for 14 months, but for the first time it wasn't because I was ashamed to admit that I gambled again. Nope. This time I will brag about being gamble free for a long time. 482 days for the precision.
OK I did gamble again since I disapeared from the forum and I was ashamed to admit it, but that was back in September 2017 (I think my last post was on July 2017). Ever since I have been doing very well. I didn't even have serious urges.

I'm not gamble safe or free forever and I will never be. I had a 20 month GF streak before my last two relapses (May and September 2017). In the past months I dreamed about gambling. I look at the sports odds time to time (on the sports results pages), so I can understand which team is the underdog in a certain match I'll be watching because I like to root for the underdogs.
I simply learned to live with it. You can read my posts and see all the things I have done in order to stay GF.

I think what helped me the most this time is - I changed my life.
I did some crazy bold choices which initially had put me in a very hard position. Long story short - I switched false security and comfort for insecurity and against the odds persuite of my dreams. And I failed pretty bad. I went through some very hard times for almost two years.
Now two years later my life has completely changed.
I'm happy, I have found the love of my life, I got married, I changed country, I'm having a good time and I'm optimistic about the future for the first time after many, many years. None of that would have been possible if I stayed in the office, spending my days pretending to work while waisting my life on the internet. The gambling feels like a distant memory.

I'm very grateful to all the present and past members of this forum who helped me get through the hardest years of my life. This forum was a tremendous revelation to me.

If you are going through hard times now - don't despair. Read the strategies posted on this forum and have the courage to apply them. Read the advice and the stories of the other members and have the strenght to follow them. And don't be affraid to make bold choices. Follow your dreams and intuitions.
Never forget that this is a lifetime struggle, so never ever give up.

I'll try and make it a habit to write at least twice a week on the forum.
Love you all.


P.S. If anybody read something funny on this forum in the past 16 months pls send it to me in a messagge. I want to start working on the third part of the "Laughing through tears" topic.

Welcome back , GB !

I am just so happy for you - you are a warrior . Drastic lifestyle changes can be terrifying . For you to take such a leap of faith , fail or not , is an incredibly brave thing to do . You give us proof that no one knows what the future holds and we do have the power to change our lives for the better .

Congratulations on your marriage ! I wish you a lifetime of happiness ( and recovery ) .
You've earned it .

Welcome back to the forum, and so happy for your success. Yours is yet another example for those who think abstinence is hopeless. It's important to note that you recognize that this disease is a lifelong affliction and we need to always be aware and never let ourselves slip back into it.

I completely relate with your journey through this, getting_better. I'm only at about 145 days right now but this is the longest I've ever gone, and it's largely in part because I learned that I am capable of directing my own life. I feel more at peace with myself as a result.

HUGE congrats. Glad to have you on board