can a compulsive gambler ever come a controlled one?

It's a very tricky and contentious question that the OP posted here.

The simple answer, as in life, nothing is impossible if you look at enough cases. Some people will manage to become controlled in gambling again, others will never and can never.

I have certainly been an addicted gambler, but I've never really stopped gambling fully, and still have not. However, it no longer rules my life, and certainly not my finances.

I think it really depends on several factors. It will never be possible while the situation in a person's life is not amenable. I think to be able to ever gamble again with control, a person needs to become stable in their wider life, finances, social setting. If anything is fundamentally wrong (as it used to be for me in several areas of my life) it can't be controlled. I feel I've reached a point in my life these days where I am happy enough with everything, and that meant gambling was not a big deal either way for me now. I don't need it to make money anymore, and I can ignore it when I want.

That has only been something that happened to me in the last couple of years though - before that I was a desperate gambler. Getting on top of all my issues had to happen. Not least my employment settling down again, and debts being more under control now.

Because I've never been one of those full abstinence people on here, maybe I could more easily move to this way now. And if I hadn't settled my life down financially I might not have been so calm about it now of course, and not at all controlled still.

I know some will suggest I am also still putting myself at risk of a blowout. But it hasn't happened for quite some time now, and I've had plenty opportunity for that to happen along the more recent way.

So, returning to the question asked, if you have any serious doubts about how money, gambling and your general life feel in relation to gambling, then don't bother trying to control it just stop. But, for some it might just be a better way of controlling the beast, IF everything can be controlled.

Gambling in my opinion is like playing with fire, even when the fire had died down from staying away for a long period of time, the ambers are still warm, waiting to be stroke. It is like telling an alcoholic one drink once a while is fine , after all, nobody get hurt.

That 3rd paragraph that better wrote is how a feel about being a controlled gambler right now. This opinion will probably flip-flop in the future though. We have all gambled for a reason. Whether it was for money, to feel better about ourselves, escape, companionship, etc, but we became addicted to it because it was filling a void in our life. Eventually we end up the chase and an endless cycle of addiction. I think if we reached a point in our lives through a long period of recovery where we were fulfilled and content in life, it would be possible to gamble for 'fun' as regular people do and can be controlled. That is what my logic is telling me now.
Would I ever try it? Not in this lifetime. I have too much at stake to ever make that first bet and it is best for me to always remember that each time I come home to my family.

Well I,am back again after starting this post and I can honestly say being a compulsive gambler makes it’s impossible to become a controlled gambler! Now I been gambling over years and what I find is that after I lose a big amount of money like I did yesterday I think to myself never ever again will I gamble and hate the the thought of it! But as the days go pass nothing seems to interest me like watching tv programs or going out to watch a football game, it’s like my brain loves being In action when gambling that everything else is boring! I find masterbating and eating junk the only other things that seems enjoyable to me! But after about 3 weeks to 4 weeks it’s like all the pain from gambling as gone away and I think I will try 100 as I can afford that and this time i got to 800 doing little bets to just try and pinch a 50 a day and it went well as I got to 800 over a couple weeks as I,am happy to win 40 to 60 a day then stop but the problem is I can,t take losing 40 to 60 a day and end up losing everything I earned then another 500 chasing as that’s And back to square 1 again! What I am trying to say is it’s like or brain tricks after about a month to think it’s ok we can stay in control now but as I said it’s TRICK! Just curious if anyone feels the same way and forgets about the pain it causes and gets in the same cycle again.

I know my addiction would LOVE for me to forget about the pain and misery it caused . It still attempts to con me into thinking I'm capable of gambling in control despite the fact that I failed to do so every single time I tried it . Every.single.time.

I've heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result . That pretty much sums up me and my gambling life .

At what point does the reality of the stupidity of what we're doing to ourselves sink in ? It took me 7 years and almost total financial ruin for me to realize that this disease was offering me poison but telling me it's candy . And I was swallowing it hook , line and sinker .

The lies are obvious to me now . So ridiculously obvious that it boggles my mind to think I ever believed them in the first place . I fed paycheck after paycheck into slot machines for a chance to get what was basically a fraction of my money back .

I can tell you one thing - the "excitement" it brought me was due solely to the unnaturally high doses of dopamine and adrenaline that gambling triggered my brain to release . It took me almost 3-6 months before those brain-chemical levels normalized and I found pleasure and excitement in ordinary things the way I did before I ever gambled .

But like any other addict , my brain still remembers and craves the rush and it still tries to convince me it was great . Except that it wasn't . It was a trap and one that I was lucky to get out of alive .

NewSunRising wrote:I know my addiction would LOVE for me to forget about the pain and misery it caused . It still attempts to con me into thinking I'm capable of gambling in control despite the fact that I failed to do so every single time I tried it . Every.single.time.

I've heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result . That pretty much sums up me and my gambling life .

At what point does the reality of the stupidity of what we're doing to ourselves sink in ? It took me 7 years and almost total financial ruin for me to realize that this disease was offering me poison but telling me it's candy . And I was swallowing it hook , line and sinker .

The lies are obvious to me now . So ridiculously obvious that it boggles my mind to think I ever believed them in the first place . I fed paycheck after paycheck into slot machines for a chance to get what was basically a fraction of my money back .

I can tell you one thing - the "excitement" it brought me was due solely to the unnaturally high doses of dopamine and adrenaline that gambling triggered my brain to release . It took me almost 3-6 months before those brain-chemical levels normalized and I found pleasure and excitement in ordinary things the way I did before I ever gambled .

But like any other addict , my brain still remembers and craves the rush and it still tries to convince me it was great . Except that it wasn't . It was a trap and one that I was lucky to get out of alive .

I really appreciate the wisdom, NewSunRising. I feel this a lot. I've been three months after hitting an even lower low than I ever thought I was capable of getting to (stealing money to gamble), and the tingles of desire to go "have a little fun" have started coming back. I'm scared, really. I don't want to feel gambling's particular brand of sadness, desperation, and uselessness ever again. I can't cope with it continually pushing me backward in life while the world keeps on turning and expectations keep growing. I'm tired of having the responsibilities of a grown professional and the freedoms of a child due to my financial situation.

But I love so much about life and viscerally despise so much about my present situation. I can't stop thinking about it. Lately I've started having weird physical manifestations of it: twitching, shaking, teeth clenching when I get deep into a thought episode about how screwed up my personal and family life is, while largely loving every second of my professional life. I feel powerless to change anything yet personally responsible for the entire situation.

Bit of a not-100%-sober tangent there but the thing is: no, I absolutely cannot ever gamble "normally" again. The data clearly shows it only goes downhill for me, and the sick thing is a part of me wants to go back despite that. Still. But the pain gambling has caused me has given me very valuable wisdom, but it's only valuable if I put it into action.

I also had physical manifestations HokusaiPhillies . It was a scary kind of "brain vibration" when I was laying down trying to fall asleep . I don't know what it was or why it happened - I still get it rarely - maybe once a year and only a mild episode of a few seconds but it still scares me . When I was in the worst of my gambling it was almost nightly and it was particularly violent after a run of bad losses .

I understand the Jekyll/Hyde feeling too . I know I'm a good person . I care about other people , I help folks who need it , I'm a good friend and a responsible tenant. I'm a hardworking and conscientious employee , someone who can be trusted . Yet I have lied to my family and friends to get gambling money , lied to my landlord because I gambled away the rent , lied to my boss to take time off to gamble . I seriously considered stealing and most likely would have done it if the opportunity had been there .There were days when I was sick to my stomach over my own behavior .

I have learned to forgive myself for the things I did in the grip of addiction and I have made amends as best as I can . I can never tell my family what I went through . It's not that they wouldn't forgive me , it just that the pain it would cause them to know about my addiction is not worth whatever closure a confession would bring me . My folks are elderly and frail . I will not dump this on them for any reason .

When I started recovery I wanted two things : to make my addiction go away and to go back to the way I was before I ever gambled . I have since accepted that this will never be . That initial desire led me to fight back against the compulsion to gamble and the idea that I could have those two things sustained me in my hardest days of recovery but the truth is , my addiction has left scars and they are part of me now and forever . It's not a bad thing . Scars are the result of healing .

I will never be the way I was before addiction and I will never be completely free of the compulsion to gamble . But I'm stronger , wiser and more self aware than I ever was before . I have learned how to let go of the past and forgive myself . Even a journey through Hell can leave you with something of value .

You will make it , HokusaiPhillies . It is a long road and a hard one but your feet are on it now and you know where you want to be . You know that you have the strength and the desire to get to that place where you control your own life and future . Don't be stopped by a mere stumble when the path to freedom lays stretched out before you . We're with you every step of the way .

Newsunrising, what strikes me is the authentic wisdom you have gained from abstinence. Everyone's journey of becoming free from this addictions is unique, but I would venture to say that anybody that gains clean time from gambling, gains wisdom about overcoming addictions along the way. Your are definitely stronger and wiser. I have deep emotional scars from the pain I suffered and the damage I caused financially. Unlike you, I haven't quite forgiven myself and I probably will not forgive myself for a while, I need to develop a life that is at least close to what it could have been had it not been for this devastating addiction. Thank god we have a house, a working marriage, and some protected savings left.

Bless you, NewSunRising. I'm glad I came on and saw your reply this afternoon. You get me and that means the world. I can proudly say I've still not gambled.

You bring up a point that I don't think I'd really considered before: the link between gambling and the desire to have things go back to how they are. I actually do think that's what I've been trying to make happen for a while. I'm heartbroken with how a lot of things in my life have turned out, and in a way I was trying to expedite my net worth so I could buy myself what I considered "normalcy." But you're right: that normal doesn't exist anymore. I'm only 26 but the past few months have really got me going on regrets and disappointments as I realize my life is likely a third of the way over (maybe even more if I'm not so lucky), and my youth is on the way out the door. But what I'm trying to do now is say goodbye to what I thought life should be and just keep walking on that path you speak of. And in doing so, I've been able to find joy and empowerment in some surprising places.

I totally understand the seething self-hatred for doing terrible things for the sake of a few dark, miserable hours at a casino (and just typing that out gives me a tickle of the urge still... so bizarre), and how that guilt can cascade upon itself to strangely lead me back because "I'm already a terrible person, what does it matter?" But you are definitely NOT a bad person - I completely agree with Notlookingback that you've made an impact on me and provided comfort over the years as I've gone on and off this forum, even if it has taken me eight to get to this point.

Can a compulsive gambler ever become a controlled one?

Better question is WHY would a compulsive gambler want to?

Do cancer survivors miss the endless agony of surgery, chemotherapy, and medication?

False hope, mental anguish, financial self-destruction... good-bye gambling... you will not be missed.

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544 days since my last bet.