Relapse hurts...

Hi all,

I posted here about a year back after a string of losses lead to over 80k in gambling debt. I managed to stay gamble free for about 6 months. They were the best 6 months I’ve had in as many years. I got married / had a baby. All the best things in life..

The last few months I started gambling again here and there after getting back on my feet. What a mistake. Last night I lost 9.5k in a late night online blackjack and poker binge.

Relapse hurts. So much.

Welcome back SV and I'm sorry to hear about your relapse . The same thing happened to me at the 6 month mark . I let the addiction convince me I could gamble " in control " .

The resulting binge was terrifying . Imagine a starving beast , suddenly let loose upon a banquet . I thought I was out of control before but that was nothing compared to the 3 years that followed . It brought me as close to ending it all as I ever thought possible .

Let this be your reality check . Your 6 months of gamble-free time has not been wasted . You know you can stop gambling . You've proven that you have the strength and the tools to deny this addiction a place in your life . Now you have the knowledge that it will never stop trying to come back and take over again . That awareness is a crucial weapon in this war . You've become wise to the lies .

You beat this once . Now do it again and never look back , for yourself and for your family .

I have this friend I gamble with. I'm more of a degenerate than he is, you can tell by the fact that when my number hits I'm not even happy. Should have bet more. Or, you know, when I start losing, my bets get significantly larger. I'm in a huge hole and my friend sitting next to me is down $30, shaking his head in amazement.

Anyway, he's like, why don't you set a limit when you gamble? We laugh about that piece of advice. It's like drugs. Why don't you have fun and snort one line? It's like, I literally don't comprehend the concept of doing one line. It is beyond my understanding. It's never been my experience.

So yeah. Same goes with gambling. I don't understand playing a little and leaving up. My experience, with few exceptions, is playing until it's all gone. There you have it. Las Vegas isn't some shanty town in the middle of the desert.

I'm not the type of person to spend $10,000 on anything lightly. I'll make sure to research my purchase thoroughly and make sure I'm getting the best price. I'll wait for a sale to happen and buy out of state to avoid tax. But pulling out that much money and going to Vegas? ###$ it, let's go. I have a gambling buddy, older guy, who told me once, that back in the day, before ATM's, he used to catch a flight back home, go to his bank to pull out some more cash, and catch the next flight back. Imagine that.

So you know. Try total abstinence again. This gambling $#%^ is pretty ###$ up. And if you have a little money left over, spend it on something wild for your wife. Or buy a co-worker some lunch. Life is not all bull $#%^ and it sounds like you have many happy days ahead.

Yeah I just posted on here about there is no such thing as a compulsive gambler staying in control! What’s crazy is I had meetings 10 years ago one on one with a gamcare employee who told me it could be controlled and 10 years on here I am again same old routine win win lose everything!

my experience is also playing till its all gone with few exceptions and feeling depressed with remorse, anger and self hatred afterward

I can imagine a gambling addict getting on a plane and going right back, I've gone to the casino in the worst snowstorms/rainstorms or continually gambling for 12 hours- ridiculous behavior we have when our brains are hijacked!