Gambling every year

Is any one like me in this forum? I always target small wins and lose big after smaller win. I stop until a year out of guilt and start again. I always start again thinking that my loss was only 5-10% of my take home income. For instance 2016 I lost 6500. Take home was 69000. 2017, I lost 3500. Take home was 65000. 2018 already lost 5200. Will not go this year out of guilt. My take home this year would be 70000. If I add all that up I lost about 7% of my take home on average. How do I change my mentality. I keep justifying it is ok to lose 10% of take home. How sick?

Hi Ragramini: We all rationalize after a while so that we can justify going back and doing it again.

I can't tell you how many times I lost a big amount of money, felt guilty and dumb, vowing to quit forever, etc. However, after a while, I would somehow forget the misery and pain it caused, and tell myself that I wasn't as bad as other people who lose their cars, their houses, their family, etc. I even told myself, "Hey, look at all those people who lose their homes in disasters such as fires and floods; at least I'm not as bad off as them." All of this is your mind giving you the excuse to keep going and gambling more.

The only way you will ever stop is when you are tired of losing your money and make up your mind to eliminate gambling from your life. Otherwise, if you continue to see it as just a small percentage of your disposable income, you will continue as you have. That's the reality of it.

Sometimes I think about all the money I've lost to gambling over the years, and think, "What if I had put that money away in a savings account?" My Gosh, how much money I could have accumulated by now....you could have a new car, a bigger house, a better lifestyle, better financial security.

So if you make a conscious choice to gamble part of your income away, you might as well say to yourself, it's entertainment expense; anyway, that's what the casinos want you to think.

Hello Ragramini,

From what you've said, it seems like you have some control of your gambling, but there are some dangerous aspects that I noticed in your thinking. I think that thinking it is OK to lose 10% of your income is quite dangerous because it almost gives you a pass that its OK to gamble. Some people may argue (perhaps not on this forum) that all entertainment costs money and this is simply the price for entertainment, but it seems like the gambling is beginning to affect some other parts of your life, especially the thoughts of guilt and perhaps of trying to get that money back. Real and genuine entertainments doesn't leave you with these negative feelings. I see your justification as the addiction of gambling simply trying to sustain itself.
To change your mentality, you can look at the cycle of change.

http://socialworktech.com/2012/01/09/st ... iclemente/

It seems like your next step is to prepare yourself for the change and to figure out what can help you make that change. I would say self-exclusion and GA is an excellent avenue to help with that. Unfortunately, changing the mentality is not a flip of a switch, but comes with preparation and determination.

Oh yeah..... Stupidity at best. Back of my mind I always think I' m not going to get my money back but still go and gamble. This need to stop. 12 years of gambling here. Started when I was 26 and now I' m almost 38. Never thought I would be in this situation. Would have a nice luxury car, big house and good retirement plan.

Without wishing to rule out your concern (which is certainly important) I would also echo the earlier comment that it does sound like you have some control over your gambling still.

You have lost some of your funds generally, and not mentioned any debts. That is a great thing to be aware of and achieve in itself. Most on here have lost all of their money and created debts on top.

I would not advise you to necessarily carry on gambling, but you could consider that you have some control as a positive - shows you have some willpower over this.

I have no debts (except mortgage) and have some savings. Just looked my savings account. Have around 31000 dollars. But this is nothing compared to what my friends have. But money lost over 12 years is time lost. I mean I cannot get back my money lost over 12 years. How do I forget this and carry on with my life?

Thinking in that way about 'trying to get it back' is exactly what can lead you to have a much bigger problem with gambling.

There's only one solution for previous losses and time, just to let it go and get on with your life now instead.

BC's advice is very true, but very hard to do. A change in perspective to change something as large as problem gambling is very rare. Something that you might want to read about to help getting past your loss is something called 'mindfulness'. It about staying in the present and not letting your mind constantly wander in past or the future.
In the past, there is tons of guilt and since it has already happened, you can't do anything about it except to learn from it. Constantly thinking about that guilt and what could have happened only causes you distress in the present. In the future, there is anxiety. We worry about money, we worry about our family and worry about our future. We can prepare for the future, but by constantly worrying, it once again brings stress and problems to the present.
Mindfulness is something I have read several books on and practice. It is currently my main weapon towards my addiction because it makes me aware of my thoughts when it lingers in the past or present or if I start having thoughts about gambling again.
As BC has said, you need to let go and stay present. Learn from it and do all you can to move in the right direction. I know it is very easy to say, but it does take effort to change your way of thinking.

I just keep thinking what caused me to go back after being gambling free for almost 1 year. I did not gamble from April 27, 2017 to April 7, 2018. But all of a sudden one night demons waked up and I went to gamble with small amount and I won 375 dollars. Then after a month I went twice and won 1000 each time. Third time my goal was to win only 600 and I won it. But I did not get up and continued playing which caused to loose all the money I won + 5200. This pathetic feeling is not going even after a month. How do I survive this torture? Were any of you in the same shoes.

As the saying about gambling addicts goes......."It's in the blood"....what this means to me is that it's a lifelong affliction which will always be within us to potentially cause a relapse.....Aries' point about "mindfulness" is well taken....we have to be aware of how our minds are thinking, and in the case of problem gambling, it's vital to recognize the tricks and excuses the mind gives to go back and gamble again.

The other thing I believe one has to remember about gambling is that, it's a lot about Greed.
Avarice is supposed to be one of the 7 deadly sins, so a word to the wise should be sufficient.

I don't want to come across with a "Holier than Thou" tone; Believe me, hardly a day goes by when I don't have thoughts about gambling .......... even after abstaining for a long time....... I just have to be aware and recognize it for what it is, and where it will inevitably lead me to......the same old misery and waste.