First time post, Last time gambling!

First time post on this site, and well it’s starting to feel good to let some things out, as with all the gambling I have found it hard to keep inside, being sneaky, hiding from issues I have caused, always lied to myself to say that I wasn’t an addict of gambling but my god I really am.

Adding up all my debt I now know how bad it has been! But today I lost a lot of money and now I am starting a clean start, no more bookies casinos, etc get my life on track! I have a wonderful partner who has helped me in the past, and she deserves a lot better than what I have been giving her at present, this time next year I want to be in the best possible state I could be in!

Has anyone out there found a passion for distracting yourself from gambling? If I used the energy I used in gambling I to something else I could have made something of myself! I just hope I’m. It too late!!

Welcome Ybrad7 ,

I found a certain relief when I finally said the words " I am addicted to gambling ." It was a feeling of surrender , of giving up the self-delusion that I had any kind of control over myself when I gambled . They were hard words to say and it took some time before I realized that by voicing the fact of my addiction , I wasn't confessing to weakness . I was making a courageous statement , a declaration that took strength .

It's painful and shameful to admit that something about ourselves is beyond our control . Gambling addiction uses that sense of pain and shame against us . It's litany is this :

" Think of the embarrassment if anyone finds out about this ! Nobody must ever know . You will never be forgiven or respected or trusted again . Your reputation will be ruined , you'll be exposed for the lying , sneaking degenerate weakling that you are . If they find out , it will ruin everything ."

This is the addiction's way for keeping itself hidden and alive . The truth is this : If no one knows you have an addiction , no one can help you fight it .

When I was a month into my recovery , I came clean to a good friend about my addiction . The sense of unburdening was huge and immediate . It made the fight just a little bit easier , knowing I had an ally - someone who I could reach out to when I was struggling . More importantly , it made me feel accountable . Someone knew and was watching . As easy and often as it was to fail myself , it became far more important that I didn't fail my friend .

You've made a great , positive first step in saying these words :

Ybrad7 wrote:always lied to myself to say that I wasn’t an addict of gambling but my god I really am.

That took strength and that took courage . In the days to come , there will be many challenges but the biggest hurdle , the complete denial of having an addiction , has been overcome . That is a powerful victory .

Please check out our Strategies thread at the top of the page for advice and ideas . You're not alone in this battle . We'll help you any way we can .