I'm back!

Hi.
I have been here before.
I have returned over and over again to read
The longest I have gone without gambling in the last few years is 3 weeks
Today is day 1
After a very harsh confession and conversation with my husband I have decided for the trillionth time to quit again
He is so mad at me. It breaks my heart. He says he has to protect himself and my kids from this and has decided to take over our finances.
He is right, but it is so incredibly hard to hear it!
I confessed how little there is in our kids savings accounts. How much I have been spending. And he is crushed
There is a GA meering in town on Monday nights. I am going. 7pm
Today is day 1
Today I quit
I am just vibrating. I am such a #######5 wife and mom.
How can i do this to the people that love me so much
I don't deserve them. They deserve a better mom

I am going to be a better mom

Welcome back Cantdoitalone ,

I'm so very glad that you're returned and I'm sorry that you are still struggling with this addiction .
You are not a bad person . You're a good person with a bad disease , just like I am - like all of us are .

One of the worst things about addiction is that it often takes reaching crisis point before we finally take the steps we need to get help . I know it's very painful now , but hopefully at some point your husband will come to understand that addiction is not a choice . None of us ever thought we would end up as gambling addicts and certainly , none of us would have chosen that path if we had known where it would lead us .

If it's available , please consider asking your husband to attend a Gam-Anon meeting , or even go to GA with you . In time , he may get a better understanding of gambling addiction and how it takes over our minds , despite our desire to stop .

This is the start of your life without gambling . It's a battle won by a thousand little victories . Be proactive , make a plan to deal with the urges and withdrawals . If I recall , you work in an environment where there are slot machines / VLTs ? This is going to make things harder , I fear .

I know finding a different job may not be easy or financially the best choice but staying where you are is highly likely to increase your chance of relapse . You can't stop drowning until you get out of the water . Even accepting a lower paying job is far better than staying in a place where you end up gambling away every penny of what you earn .

Your family needs you - the healthy , loving you that they know you are . You will be that person again . Fight for her . She deserves the effort . Post here whenever you need support and encouragement . We've all been where you are and we're here for you .

You can do this .

Thank you for your words NSR. I have seen a lot of what you do on here for people, and i think it is just awesome!

Yes, I was working in a lounge. I
Quit recently for health reasons! It waa actually the first 3 weeks being quit that i had not played for those few weeks! Felt great!
I am very blessed with a husband who loves me. I am trying to help him understand that this is an addiction. He was actually saying to me today that I would rather play the vlts than anything else. Instead of visiting friends or anything. Hes right! And that is sad. The proof is in tge pudding
As much as I wanted to keep yesterday a secret, I needed to tell him. I'm so tired of the lying! It was a start. This time off from work will benefit me in more ways than just recovering from surgery. It is time to start looking after myself, my family.
I love the words "she deaerves the effort" it actually brought tears to my eyes.... this is true. I feel like a broken POS. I hate this!
Thanks again NSR

Hugs , if you want some CDIA .

As painful as coming clean is , there also comes with it a great relief of not having to bear the burden of " the secret " anymore . Addiction thrives in the dark . Dragging it out into the light is a powerful first step towards overcoming it .

By the time I made it into recovery , my self-esteem was so beat up and broken . It took a long time for me to forgive myself and understand that there is me the person and me the addict .
Those two people are complete opposites . The addict is locked up now , never again allowed control over my actions or my life . The hardest part was getting the addict into the box so I could lock the door . It was a constant battle but I never stopped trying and I used every trick in the book that I could come up with .

The addict will always keep trying to get out again. Always . I feel secure in my recovery now but I am not complacent . I can't afford to think that the addiction is gone forever . I check that lock regularly .

That's great that you are no longer in that atmosphere and three weeks without gambling is no small accomplishment . You should be proud of that . Take the time to celebrate every victory , no matter how small . They add up fast .

Thank you NSR. Hugs anytime. You have a way with words. A positive and meaningful way with words. I really appreciate them

It was really hard hearing hubby laying all out again lome he did today. But he was not wrong !

I feel like I know what you mean with the two separate identities. It actually makes me feel a little better seeing it in this light. There is the me that I love. I know I am a good mom, wife, person... I know that every day. But it takes one day just to annihilate thise feelings.

Im just so sick of doing this to my family. It has to stop!

Hugs back NSR