Scratchers - I feel like i'll miss out

I've invested so much into it already, i know someone else is going to take my prizes. And so many people play the game.. is everyone of the delusional? I don't think so.

Today i got my pay check, and i was planning to not spend it. I really think that's the direction i'll go in. But come Sunday, sitting at home laying in bed, i'm going to still be thinking about scratching. About the 1/380,000 chance for a million. The second chance drawing. The glory of going to the main office to cash in anything larger than $1,000. How deep i've already gone. How i don't need the money for anything else right now. How i trust my luck is better than the guy next to me, and it's only a matter of time before i win big.

I just have this dreading feeling that even if i don't gamble today, or tomorrow, that i'll gamble down the line. I'll save up all my money then blow it in a week again. I scratched 320 $30 tickets in a week a couple weeks ago. And entered their 22 digit code into the computer for every single one's second chance drawing.

I know i can win big if i'm persistent. Even if i don't win back everything i spent, at least i get the glory of cashing in a big check.

I just withdrew $200 and bought a $30 ticket.

I'm hoping by doing it one by one as opposed to binging, i'll be able to stop faster. Although this could work the opposite way and just feed the addiction since i'd be doing it every day..

Every time i lose i feel like i need to binge until i win. Then when i win i go until i lose.

Thank you for your posts Knox.

The truth from your words remind me how gamblers think while in the cycle of addiction. It serves as a good reminder to those in recovery who have forgotten how far they have come and to also remind us of the traps our mind plays on us.

Knoxious wrote:I just have this dreading feeling that even if i don't gamble today, or tomorrow, that i'll gamble down the line. I'll save up all my money then blow it in a week again

I remember this feeling all too well. Back then, it gave me the sense that regardless of the effort I put in today, I will probably fall back into the addiction a few days later. Maybe I could go 2 days, 5 days or even a week without gambling, but I was pretty sure I would go back to it. It wasn't until I took REAL steps to curb my gambling (making a financial plan, limiting my resources, letting other people know about the addiction, telling the convenience clerk NOT to see me tickets anymore) that I started to see a change. My willpower was just not strong enough to 'will' my way into abstinence.

I hope that after this 'second draw' that you give up on trying hit the big one. Once that draw is done, I hope the monkey comes off your back and make sure he doesn't get back on. We are all here rooting for you in recovery!

Thank you for the support - i do agree that after the second chance drawing is over would be a good time to stop.

I blew all the $200 today. And i keep remembering the 30 or so tickets i threw away before i realized there was a second chance drawing and kicking myself over that. Want to make up for the loss of losers with more losing tickets, as completely backward as that sounds.

I hope the second chance drawing is soon.. And if i lose, it's because of those damn 30 tickets

Knoxious, you need to realize that your are not gambling to win money. You are gambling to "check out" of life, to focus on something else because some feeling inside is unbearable.

If you read the book "Addiction by Design" about slot addiction, you will see that people who win money through gambling on some deep level feel guilty about the theft from others, and they want to "discharge" the money. Thus, the continued gambling.

No matter how much you win, it won't be enough. What you are craving is not satisfied by this activity.

Thanks BGL.

It is hard to keep the money once you win, like you said.

Although i won 500 two days ago and i've kept that so far, and plan on keeping it.

I'm hoping it will be my last earnings ever.

I have 349 losing tickets, so i said i'll buy one more. Won $100 and took the cash. I'm proud. Also still have that 500.