Thought I was finally gambling normally

After over a decade of severe gambling issues that effectively ruined my life, I took almost a year off, got my life back in order, and saved a considerable amount of money. I then began to return to card rooms and spent a year and a half playing within my means. This gave me a huge self-esteem boost, as I felt I had conquered this problem. But in recent months things have spiraled out of control, and today I gambled away my last dollars, could not pay my rent, and had to start walking home. It's an ugly, oh-so-familiar feeling but I almost feel it had to happen to put to rest the lie that I can ever do this normally.

Scrop1978, I understand how you feel, we definitely cannot gamble normal again no matter how long we had stayed away. When I was gambling in “moderation” like no more than $100 per visit, there was a feeling of deprivation, like I was there to donate money to rich casino owners instead of having fun. In the real world, I could have a nice dinner with my spouse, go to the movies and have some left over.

The way for me to go is total abstinence and live life as we should instead of obsessing with gambling, losing our hard earned money, wasting precious time chasing losses. 152 days gamble free and counting, life is so much better now. You can do it again, stay strong.

Welcome Scorp1978 ,

I experienced a similar state of delusion before recovery finally kicked in . Same results . I so desperately wanted NOT to have a gambling addiction . I thought that admitting I did was tantamount to declaring that I was weak-willed , somehow defective , flawed in a way that others weren't .

Trying to prove that I was in control of my gambling led me straight to gambling out of control . It was a painful and expensive reality check and a mistake that I will never repeat again .

I view my addiction now as very much like a severe food allergy . As much as I love and miss and want that particular food , one bite may very well kill me . The real difference now is that I understand the " loving , missing and wanting " ideation is simply the addiction trying to keep itself alive .

A year away from gambling is a remarkable achievement . You know what it takes to remove this thing from your life . This time , make it a permanent change .

To quote the Who : We won't get fooled again .

Thank-you so much, rainbow color and New Sun Rising, for the encouraging remarks. Love the Who reference!

I know how you feel.Good for you that you stopped for 1 year.Stop for good again.

-- Sun Apr 29, 2018 7:57 am --

I know how you feel.Good for you that you stopped for 1 year.Stop for good again.