Can’t stop - please help

I have an addiction to slot machines. I stay up all night, don’t eat or sleep until I come home with all of my money or none of it. 99 times out of 100 its none of it. I have lost an unfathomable amount of money. I keep a Tally in a spreadsheet but I can’t bear to add it up.

Every time I drive home from the casino half crying, half in shock, starving, delirious, embarrassed, I literally scream at myself to stop and go never go again. And list out all the things I will do to set myself up for success. And then 3-4 days later I have forgotten the pain or rationalized it. And I am itching to go again. I don’t have a family of my own or even a significant other and can go without anyone in my life knowing. I went to a therapist but have recently stopped going because I felt like it wasn’t helping. My addiction has actually progressed significantly since I began seeing her. I have contacted a new one but haven’t followed through. I believe the addiction rationalizes everything that I envision doing to stop and I never follow through.

I feel weak and hopeless. I tried to go to a G.A. meeting - I drove to the church and actually talked out loud to myself to get out of the car and go in. I finally did it and I think I walked into the wrong room, it was a get together for a memorial or something like that. I turned around and went into another room and there were only two people that didn’t look like G.A. and I totally panicked and turned around and went to my car and drive away. I feel like a failure even at quitting.

My question is - how do you force yourself to stop when you don’t want to stop? In other words.... I know I need to but when it’s the weekend (my routine is to go on weekend) I convince myself that this time will be different and I will only stay a little while and leave. And that NEVER happens. But somehow I convince myself that this next time will be different.

Welcome to the forum Lostgirl,

This addiction is insidious. Even though we know it is self-destructive and that its killing us, we can often rationalize that we can continue gambling. I guess that's what it really means to be an addict. It looks like that you have realized your problem and have even attempted to stop (GA and therapy), but just haven't found the right drive yet. You haven't failed in your recovery since you are still trying. You only fail once you give up trying. The one major thing I haven't hear you try was self-exclusion from the casino. Have you tried that yet? That can be an extremely powerful tool for casino addicts.

You are on the right path and trying the right things. Sometime you might need a different GA group or a different therapist. Your experience with each can vary drastically. Just don't give up.

Lostgirl2017 wrote:how do you force yourself to stop when you don’t want to stop?

When you are in the cycle, that is extremely difficult. We can always make up reasons to go back to gamble. We seem to have a 2-minute memory when it comes to our losses, but we never forget those big wins. However, once you have a bit of gamble free time (I usually say around 3 weeks), it starts to get easier. My advice to you is to keep yourself distracted on the weekend. Go out with friends, read a book, try to exercise, just do anything to keep your mind of gambling. After awhile, your mind will be clearer and it will get easier to fight the urges.

Hi Lost Girl: Sorry you are in such a quandary. It is not uncommon. We addicts are always telling ourselves we want to quit, but we lie to ourselves and go back again and again. If you really are ready to quit and live your life differently and in a way that would offer more happiness and peace, you really need help. If you read my prior posts, I always recommend GA. If one GA meeting doesn't do it for you, then find another. In urban cities, (I don't know where you live) I have seen that there are multiple GA meetings at different times and different locations. The biggest thing about the gambling addiction is that we can do it in secrecy. You need to be held accountable. Hopefully, you will give GA another try, and find someone who is willing to help and keep you accountable.

Lost girl...I know how you feel. My situation is so so similar. I’m sitting here right now, trying to figure out how to get back to the casino, after losing over 1000.00. And my only income is Social Security. It’s crazy. I come from a family that has various addictions, usually substance abuse. But, I don't have any of that. I don’t even take Tylenol. It’s casino slots....since I retired over the last 4 years. And I’m 67 years old.

Welcome Lostgirl ,

You are not alone . 3 years ago I was exactly where you are . I want to tell you that there is
hope . It's possible to overcome this compulsion and you do have the strength to do it , even if you don't believe that right now .

Breaking free of this addiction is difficult because the addiction does not want to die . The fight is long , hard and exhausting . There's no pill , no magic bullet , no " one thing " you have to do to stop the compulsion to gamble .

It is the culmination of dozens of things - real life support from GA or a therapist , roadblocks to keep you from gambling no matter how desperately the addiction wants you to , plans for distractions when the urge hits you , restricting your access to cash and credit - including turning your finances over to a trusted friend or family member . Self-exclusion is a great roadblock . It may be hard to make yourself walk in and do it , but it will feel like a huge weight is off your shoulders when you do .

It all starts with a decision and a plan .

Personally , I started when I was broke . No money = no way to gamble . I wrote lists and lists of things I could do to distract myself when I wanted to gamble . I tried them all , often one right after another . Some of them worked , others didn't work so well . I kept the ones that helped , discarded the ones that didn't and made more lists . I also found a self hypnosis video online that I listened to every night . It didn't "cure" me . It actually didn't even hypnotize me , but it was a calming and positive message that helped me get through the worst of times . You can find all kinds of them in an online search . Try them all if you want to but they are not miracle cures .

There is a lot of advice in our Strategies thread at the top of the page . You may find some helpful advice there . These are things that worked for some of our members here .

Here's the good news - the more you deny the urge to gamble , the weaker it becomes . It doesn't happen overnight , not even in a week or a month , but it happens . Every time you refuse to gamble , the addiction fights back . I know you've experienced this . There are times when I thought I was going to lose my mind from the constant screaming in my head . I had withdrawal symptoms - headaches , irritability , dreams about gambling . There were days when I just white-knuckled it through , only trying to make it to bed without gambling .

Slowly , the relentless voice in my brain began to fade . After three months of fighting it off , I started to go for days without the urge , then weeks , then months . I got control of my life and my choices back . I came out of the gambling fog and saw the reality of how I had been so completely conned by the lies my addiction told me in order to keep itself fed and alive .

This is the bottom line : Feed it and it will grow . Starve it and it will die . But it's not going to die without a fight and for that , you need to be prepared .

You can do this . You deserve a life without chains .

I'm pretty much in the same boat as you.

We go to the casino, gamble, and we can't stop until we are broke.

It's horrible.

I am in the worse possible city for this addiction. Vegas. After 13 years and getting nowhere, I am moving ASAP.

Today lost too much. Makes me sick. I can't take it. Gotta just get out of town.

I think the best way is to move to a place where there are no casinos. When I was living in the boonies with my friends I couldn't gamble because there were no casinos. Foolish me I keep ending back in Vegas and it kills me every time. Doesn't matter, can go weeks being good, working hard and making money, and then one afternooon it's all gone.

Moving is what I plan on doing.