Chances at Redemption

Its probably most common for people to come to the realization that gambling is a serious problem when they've fallen into some form of debt. Being in the midst of that storm right now and having no one to save me from myself I am doing my best to stay afloat as I turn from my wicked ways. Talking to the company that has my car gave me the option of being able to pay down the loan as I can instead of a lump sum.

That leaves me with facing eviction...well since working out a loan with family or friends hasn't helped Ive decided to write an email to the realty company baring my soul, letting them know I am seeking professional help and coming up with a realistic payment schedule that will allow me to catch up. I'd come in with a payment about twice a week until my account is up to date. It will take me 6 weeks to catch up in the midst of having 2 more months roll around.

Ive either really shot myself in the foot being honest or they will give me a chance. I have nothing to lose. Im hoping they will. It will motivate me to know I have a chance at redemption. It will allow me consistent practice of taking care of my responsibilities as soon as I have the money to do it. Its the only way I can dig myself out alone. If they agree to my payment schedule I'd really feel empowered to stop feeding the demon. Otherwise Ill have to starve it while suffering the setback moving in with family. With a defeated feeling Im trying to avoid. Yes I established in a previous post that lonliness may have contributed and it may be positive to have daily family support but I can break the lonely blues in other ways. I do need my own space. So here is my last shot at keeping it.

As I await the verdict, I am interested in hearing stories of redemption during your recovery. Did you find your creditors to be sympathetic? How difficult was it to stick to payment arrangements? Did you have sympathetic friends or family to help you recover what you lost or were in danger of losing due to gambling? If so, did you pay them back?

Lastly, if you couldn't find redemption and had to deal with the consequences of losing some sort of foundation how did that positively or negatively impact your recovery?

I haven't gotten a reply from the realty company. I can only show up on Monday with my first payment and hope we have an agreement. I haven't been served an official notice yet so Im going to hope no news is good news.

I have to say I believe having the opportunity to climb out of this hole on my own feels more empowering than if someone came in and helped clean up my mess for me. Its almost as bad as hoping for a big win for a quick fix which as we know does not tame this beast. Taking full responsibility gives me the opportunity to establish a healthier way to handle my money. A new habit to form and a firmer foundation for a successful recovery. Realizing that no one is going to bail me out if I lose money is enough to put the fear of 'playing' in me.

I agree that for those of us with a gambling addiction , bailouts can actually be a detriment . My experience is that whenever I was offered the money to get myself out of my self-inflicted financial crisis , my addiction reacted like this :

" Problem solved ! You don't have to give up gambling ! You have someone who will help you out if really need it . You can keep gambling , just don't let things get so bad this time . Play with a limit , only do it on the weekend , walk away after you win XX amount ...."

All of these self-imposed " rules " to gamble by were nothing but lies and BS . More bait for the trap . People bailing me out only enabled me to gamble more and to continue to believe that my problem wasn't gambling , it was losing .

My ground-zero moment came when I had no where else to turn to for help . I had $50.00 to survive on for a month . And believe me , I wanted to gamble that very , very badly . It was only the terror of losing it that kept me from trying . That month with barely enough money to feed myself was the finally kick I needed . Having nothing to gamble with actually helped my get through the urges and by the time my paycheck came , my mind was clearer and my determination was stronger .

The battle had just begun , but that 30 days of forced abstinence gave me a foundation upon which I built my recovery , step by painful step . It was unpleasant , uncomfortable and at times I thought I would lose my mind from fighting off the constant gambling urges but every gamble-free day got a tiny bit better and every time I denied the compulsion , it got a tiny bit weaker .

I know your focus right now is on your debt but do not let that distract you from how you got there . Even once we have stopped gambling completely , the debt will be gone long before the addiction is . Make a battle plan , one that will include roadblocks and distractions and resources to keep you gamble-free after the " problem is solved " .

@NewSunRising Thanks for your insight on this topic and sharing your experience. As I look back honestly, this has been affecting my finances for several years. At least the last 5. Ive hit so many peaks and valleys with my finances during that time period and there were times I got bailouts but was still seemingly oblivious to the fact I should stop gambling. It went exactly as you stated.

Work has been good for me thus far this weekend. Im hitting my daily goals. Tomorrow should be a good money day for me as well. I did have a mishap yesterday that never happens at work and it cost me a bit of profit. After work counting my money the urge hit me strong. Taking a loss I couldn't afford especially now when Im trying to make every penny I earn count. But my paycheck was more than I expected so I delighted in that sorta making up for it and I still hit my goal with the loss.

I can't wait for Monday to make these payments. Im looking forward to the progression of my counseling as well. During my intake appt it was mentioned that there is a drug they can prescribe that can supposedly fight the urges to gamble. I may try it out. Ive also found some Youtube videos on how to quit and found people sharing their stories. Watching and listening on my commute to work helped me walk past a store Id usually stop in to play lottery. I am starting to see life and myself with new eyes, or at least having moments of just being very self-aware and present. A select few friends are aware and supportive of my recovery. One has offered to come with me to my first GA meeting. Finding this forum with all of this experience and support has been more than I thought it would be.

One of the first things I gained after a substantial gamble-free period was clarity . When I looked back at some of the twisted logic and warped perceptions of reality that I was living by , I was dumbfounded at how I could have ever believed any of it to be true or a " good idea " .

Those self-aware and present moments are how we should be living every day . The gambling fog is no myth and the fact that it exists is never more apparent than after we get out of it .

Like you , I also became really focused on paying down my debt after I quit gambling . It ended up becoming a bigger rush for me than gambling ever was . Since the debt has gone , saving has become my priority . After 7 years of throwing away my paychecks , it's not an easy task but it is a very rewarding one .

Stay strong - you're doing brilliantly !

Great post NSR,

Especially the point how we make up these 'good ideas' and actually believe them. Once we are out of the fog, we really see how foolish they were. For me as a sports gambler, I lost many times and the more I lost, the more I believed I was becoming a better gambler because I was gaining more information from each loss. From the outside, one would see a person who really just sucked at sports betting (which was true), but I really thought I was extremely knowledgeable taking into account how much I played and lost.... What a warped sense of thinking...

AllInNoWin wrote:Watching and listening on my commute to work helped me walk past a store Id usually stop in to play lottery. I am starting to see life and myself with new eyes, or at least having moments of just being very self-aware and present. A select few friends are aware and supportive of my recovery. One has offered to come with me to my first GA meeting. Finding this forum with all of this experience and support has been more than I thought it would be.

In the initial stage of trying to stop gambling, road blocks are important, like out of sight out of mind. I avoided favorite restaurants, shopping places, movie theaters and took different routes that took me away from the casinos, since I was so weak at that time, that was all I could do to protect myself. You are very lucky to have supportive friends to turn to and I wish you all the best, it is not easy to stop this disastrous addiction but it is not impossible, odaat.

NewSunRising wrote:One of the first things I gained after a substantial gamble-free period was clarity . When I looked back at some of the twisted logic and warped perceptions of reality that I was living by , I was dumbfounded at how I could have ever believed any of it to be true or a " good idea " .

NSR, my warped perceptions of reality when I was actively gambling was that I could “afford” it since my business was doing really well and I deserve to treat myself. I even told myself how much fun and excitement my husband and I were having at the casinos while other people had such “boring” life. I can really laugh at myself now when I recall these feelings, it is so hilarious, it became a sick game when the addiction start controlling me like I don’t have a choice.

The office accepted my schedule of payments to keep my apartment. I'm so grateful and relieved for the chance to reverse the setback. The chance to avoid 2 disasters. Now its up to me to stick to it. I know I need to work on my perception of value, being grateful for what I have, exercising patience and refocusing my energy in more positive ways. Thats going to be my challenge and those things don't happen overnight. I do feel more empowered now that I've regained control mentally and emotionally and avoided a physical catastrophe and loss. There is still a slight undercurrent of anxiety but overall Im determined to be successful and not blow these chances. God is good.

That is wonderful news Allin .

Make the best of this experience - find yourself a GA program and go there . The support and encouragement that you find there will be invaluable .

This addiction has by no means given up and gone away . Now that the financial crisis has been addressed it will come back , possibly even stronger than ever , to convince you that you don't need to stop , you just need to " control " your gambling by following a bunch of self-imposed "rules" .

Don't waste this chance to remove gambling from your life for good and forever . History can and will repeat itself if you don't .