I'm a very "together" person who has a hard time staying away from the tables for more than a few months. I always manage to convince myself that this time will be different and more fun. Almost as if it's written in stone, I always win big and I don't stop until I lose it all. Nothing about this is comfortable, and I already know what's going to happen. The remorse I feel afterwards only sets me up for bigger problems down the road. It is a great mystery what drives this behavior. Is it even about the money? How do I square away months of good behavior with one night of awful relapse? How do I even begin to get better?
These are deeply personal questions. I wanted to share this quote I came across that gave me a lot of hope and self-understanding, so I'm passing it along.
"Sadness gives depth. Happiness gives height. Sadness gives roots. Happiness gives branches. Happiness is like a tree going into the sky, and sadness is like the roots going down into the womb of the earth. Both are needed, and the higher a tree goes, the deeper it goes, simultaneously. The bigger the tree, the bigger will be its roots. In fact, it is always in proportion. That's its balance."