a newbie here

a hard day for me today as I am on christmas break and this time alone at home is a great temptation to go online and play. having self excluded limits me. I am glad this forum exists as it gives me a chance to share my thoughts and feelings. i had a wonderful dream last night i dreamt my debt free days are over and i actually had a big amount saved in the bank! i dreamt that i offered it to my daughter to buy her a car. it felt so good! i do realise one big thing when i played and lost id feel sick to the stomach! i am glad i dont feeel that way anymore!
i look to my higher power to help me thru this day!

Try to keep yourself busy and look for ways to distract yourself when the urges hit you . Clean something , read a book , watch a movie , take a short walk - anything that will get you doing something other than dwelling on the urge to gamble . Check out our Strategies Thread at the top of the page for more ideas .

The first few months are the hardest . The addiction doesn't want to die and it can be relentless in trying to wear you down with the constant urge to gamble . But every time you overcome it , you grow a bit stronger . Eventually , it will become easier and easier to ignore them when they come on .

It just takes time and getting through the beginning is usually the worst part . It feels like it would so much easier to give in and gamble rather than deal with the incessant voice in our heads .

Stay strong !

Dear all of you troubled souls like me, and to you who take time to support us,

Thanks for creating this thread, I'm impressed with your strength and hope you manage to stay away from our shared addiction! Thanks to NewSunIsRising for offering your support for someone with the same problems as me!

I am a gambling addict, constantly making the same mistakes over and over. I have losses adding up to a house. It all started when I was young boy getting my first hit.

I always thought I was chasing an easy life, thinking I could actually beat the betting sites and score a big hit and run. One more hit I thought, win big and get out. This is of course impossible for someone like me, even if I win it will all be gone soon after. I thought it was because I got greedy and failed to control myself, now I know the true reason. I thought my brother ruining his life doing drugs had a legitimate problem, I was just selfish and despicable. Therefore I would lie all the way to not let anyone know what a shameful person I am.
Now I know that gambling has kept me broke for 15 years because it's my heroin.

Just like a traditional drug, when I raised my bets I increased my resistance level.
It's all about chasing the ultimate high, the sensation when it peaks is incredibly strong. And then a bet gets lost, and the high starts to wear off. Then the total demise begins.
Getting high again and fast comes next, which means the bank account will very soon be reading 0, a 0 weighing heavily on my conscience and killing any joy for life that might be there. From there on anxiety, anger and suicidal thoughts will hide behind my fake smile. Nobody can know.

Funny thing is that earlier on such a day, I will be looking at price differences in a grocery store picking the cheaper option of a product to save me a dime...

Classic case of heavy gambling addiction, only difference today from yesterday is that I know understand how strong a drug it actually is, which lead me to make this post today...
Before writing this I thought there is no hope, but I wanted to share my new understanding with people interested in interacting on the topic, get an intelligent conversation going and maybe learn something. Now though it becomes clear, I just did something I have never done before... reaching out, seeking a solution to my problem. Maybe there is hope?

Thank you for reading and please don't hesitate to start a discussion with me. I'll gladly offer my support to anyone that might need it as well.

Christian

Welcome Christian ,

There is always hope where there is the desire and determination to be free . It starts with a decision and the realization that we don't have to live like this . We are not doomed to gamble , we have the choice and the strength to fight back .

Feel free to check out our Strategies thread and start a topic of your own . We'll help you any way we can .

All the best !

I hear you, and I know it's true, I just doubt that I have the strength.
I will check out the strategy thread, and stay active here. At least that is a first step in the right direction. Thank you so much for your time and support!

All the best

Hello Christian

And welcome to this forum. You'll see that realizing that you're not alone, will by its one, help you fighting this addiction.

In some how, we all have passed by same you are passing now. I've been gambling around 10 years now, but the serious gambling started maybe 8 years ago.

I made so many bad decisions in my life, but by far, gambling as if there was no tomorrow, was by far my worst, and it destroyed so much of my life. The dark thoughts, well in my worst times, we're there all the time. Not exactly suicidal, but really bad thoughts, that kept on drifting on my mind, and ruining my way of life. But for the outside world...well i had it all. And behind a big thick mask whit a generous smile, i was absolutely devastated.

I think I can speak for most of us here. You are welcome. Please share your feelings with us. It really helps. It has helped me immensely.

I wish you all the best, and hope to see you around here more often.

hello christian,
it takes all the courage one can muster to come clean! you will beat this ! by reaching out to complete strangers you will save lives with your own story ! congrats to you ! when i feel the urge and the need for excitement i come back here ..reading the posts makes me realise that gambling compulsively will only ultimately lead to darker paths and a sure road to self destruction! i lost the fine balance between sheer entertainment and compulsive desire to take bigger risks! you will never be alone, keep coming back it works if you work it cause you are worth it !

Another newbie here,

Im currently in a crisis due to gambling. Ive gambled on and off for years and experienced some lucky breaks but over the last year it became obsessive-compulsive and out of control. The last few months got especially bad, and I made stupid decisions where I am now in danger of eviction, losing my car and losing my job. I wish it didnt take me getting to this point to stop suffering in silence. The reality that a big win is not going to happen has hit me but the hole ive dug is so big now Im talking to people but its like they can't really hear me or im too far down to reach. Ive applied for a loan to help recover the damage Ive done but my credit is in need of repair so Ive been rejected. Ive talked to family, friends and even some associates coming clean and reaching out for help. I make enough money to support myself without gambling and work hard for it. But I feel I cannot just stop playing and saving without my foundation crumbling. I don't have time to catch up on my own. I can repay a loan if I were to use money Id play with to pay them instead but no one can or will help. Ive called the gambling hotline and have an appointment to begin counseling this week. But with every rejection from a bank or online lender or "sorry.." ive heard from family and friends Im considering 'one last trip' to the casino this week also. Ugh! I feel like im burning in a hell I created and no one can/or will do anything but watch. I feel suicidal and tears are flowing as I type this, im trying to remain strong. I will visit this site again. It is comforting to read others stories and know Im not alone. Even though I am talking to others now something about it makes me feel lonlier. I feel Im being judged. Please pray for me. I need to work on my spiritual health as well as my mental and emotional.

Welcome to the forum AllInNoWin ,

Gambling to get out of the debt that we're in because of gambling is a common , sad and vicious cycle that we are all too familiar with here . It's a cycle we need to break and that can be painful and hard in the beginning .

Counseling is a healthy and positive step forward . Perhaps they have resources that you can contact about debt reduction . As far as your job is concerned , it might help to have a closed-door meeting with your boss or HR department .

Addiction isn't a choice . It's a compulsion and it's treatable and manageable . Talking to your employer about this won't be easy but if you outline the steps you are taking and show them you are sticking with your commitment quit gambling you may find more compassion than you'd expect .

You could also talk to your creditors and let them know you are committed to paying off your debt but that you are just overwhelmed at this time . Sometimes , people might be willing work out a payment plan that is doable until you get back on your feet .

Of course , quitting gambling is the goal and the only way you can get back ( and stay ) on your feet .

I wish you well .

NewSunRising wrote:Welcome to the forum AllInNoWin ,

Gambling to get out of the debt that we're in because of gambling is a common , sad and vicious cycle that we are all too familiar with here . It's a cycle we need to break and that can be painful and hard in the beginning .

Counseling is a healthy and positive step forward . Perhaps they have resources that you can contact about debt reduction . As far as your job is concerned , it might help to have a closed-door meeting with your boss or HR department .

Addiction isn't a choice . It's a compulsion and it's treatable and manageable . Talking to your employer about this won't be easy but if you outline the steps you are taking and show them you are sticking with your commitment quit gambling you may find more compassion than you'd expect .

You could also talk to your creditors and let them know you are committed to paying off your debt but that you are just overwhelmed at this time . Sometimes , people might be willing work out a payment plan that is doable until you get back on your feet .

Of course , quitting gambling is the goal and the only way you can get back ( and stay ) on your feet .

I wish you well .

Thank you so much for your encouraging words! I go into work soon and plan to talk to HR about possibly taking a leave of absence. My appointment with the treatment clinic is Thursday morning. They did mention possibly having a resource to help with finances. Ive set up a gofundme in order to get help recovering my car from a title loan and to catch up with rent. Ive sent it to some friends I talked to about my situation. Im not on Facebook. Even though Ive opened up its not something Im ready to let the world know, even for help. I know its a shot in the dark that someone would help but I did it to help deter me from going to the casino after work or tomorrow. I am a waitress.

I want to take my tips and deposit all of them tonight. That is my goal today. One day at a time.