My story and my road to recovery

Thank you prologx. I really appreciate you replying. i agree with what you are saying. i will come clean and update everyone on how things go.

its crazy how this addiction plays with your mind and how the addiction keeps telling you to hide your emotions. im sitting here typing to you guys (i dont know anyone here) but im also embarrassed about my behaviour. so it tells me to hide little details. its crazy how your pride stops you to do whats right and get help.

i will let you guys know how things are going.

Prologx is absolutely right . It's painful to confess and face the disappointment of our loved ones but not doing so is simply giving the addiction a place to hide . This thing thrives in the dark .

As hard as it is , dragging it into the light is one of the most powerful things you can do to help kill it . In the end , it will be a huge weight off your shoulders . I would also look at asking her to go to a GA meeting with you or going with her to a GamAnon meeting , if there is one in your area .

It will be immensely beneficial to you both if she can be made to understand that the compulsion to gamble is NOT a choice . It is something that you are battling every day and you need her support and her understanding .

Be wary of the " conditions " that the addiction tries to place upon you . They are only delaying tactics , meant to keep The Secret hidden just a little bit longer .The only way to stop is to stop , and the only way to become accountable is to lay it all out on the table . Every single thing .

The pain of finding out a loved one has an addiction is far less than the pain of finding out they have been hiding it from you . That is the real killer of trust .

You are doing so well NewLife - take that last step and release this burden from your heart . This is your new year , the start of your life without gambling in it . Leave the secrets and the shame in the past and look forward . It's all any of us can do .

i want to thank all who take the time to write posts for a newbie like me who wants so desperately to beat this debt situation i have created for myself with my compulsion to gamble its the first seed of hope. i have given myself 6 months to pay back the horrible debt situation i have incurred. one of the things i will do is putting all my debts together I know its about 7,000$ at some place so i can visibly see it everyday and the second thing i intend to do is put cash on a gas card and hide my visa cards. i dont need $$$$ for anything else as my husband does all the grocery. i gambled 400$ on the first of jan in less than 20 minutes its heart breaking because it was the first of the new year and i had already resolved not to go back to gambling before that day. my first step to recovery is self exclusion and the best thing i must say about the online gambling sites were they immediately responded back and said we will self exclude you, i was very humbled by that as i told them the truth and they took my need to to be self excluded very seriously. i welcome advice from anyone. i cannot go to a group for some personal reasons until i can find one that works for me. for the interim i hope that my new platform will help me and walk this journey with me !

Hello Everyone,

i still havent had the courage to tell my wife everything. i honestly dont know if i am going to. im going to try my best. but i have been staying away from gambling and i will continue to do so. i hate even the thought of gambling. i think i actually cut off speaking to my bookie.

i will continue to update my process.

17 days GF!!

Hello newlife and all the other members.

Saying the truth about this issue is so so difficult. I completely understand it. We all do. I believe that some of us need some more time, but I also believe that the longer we do it, the bigger the monster gets.

I'm a very bad example. Even today, i suffer in silent. I was over 4 months GF, but relapsed early this year. Today is my 4GF day. I have talked about my relapse in other threads and my blog, but now, while I read this I can't stop thinking in what would have happened, If I told my ex GF, that I suffered in silence for offer two years, and she never realized? Would that make a difference? Would we break up just then? I don't know. No one does. There was a time that I wanted to open a shared bank account, where half my wage would be deposited. As i didn't told her what i was fighting, she never wanted. Today I'm certain that I should have explained her why I wanted, and maybe I would have stopped sooner.

You made big commitments with her, marriage, house... probably a family in the future. Try to open up to her. show her what you have accomplished and the steps you made on your own, and explain her that with her aid, you will overcome this.

I didn't do that, and it consumed me and eventually my relatiionship (among other things).
Today I have schedule an appointment with a therapist. I am anxious to have it (she was only available on the 20th Jan). Until then, I will continue to come here and try to regain my energies back on top.

There is one saying (in my mother language) that says it all when in these situations: Before it gets better, still gets worse.

Wish you all the best.

Hello Looking forward. Thank you for your response. it makes it a little bit easy knowing that there are others going through the same thing as you. I still haven't been able to confess to the wife. i dont want to break her heart, yet i understand everything that you guys are saying. i am still battling this on my own and its very difficult but im getting through it.

I read one of the posts from NSR, he said there is nothing wrong with different methods people use and he will not blame people for doing XYZ or not doing XYZ, and we are here in this forum to help others and provide suggestions.

Its been very difficult thinking about debt and my financial situation, but i still have my entire pay cheque going to the wife and she is responsible for all finances. This has made things a little easier.

Im still gable free. mostly cuz im broke, but thats ok. it doesnt matter how but as long as i am gamble free i am happy.

24 Days GF

Hi Newlife

I'm glad that you are progressing, and that you remain GF. Soon enough you will face one of the challenges of staying gamble free, which is stop being broke, and yet remain gamble free. That is one turning point in my opinion.

I remember just 4 months ago when that happened to me. I was so glad not to waste back than my paycheck and committed to what i said at the time (dedicated that money to pay my credit cards). On the second month I started saving and even now I can feel the joy I felt.

Today is my 5th day (of this second round of gamble free, since I've joined this forum), and so far it is still very painful to look at my bank records, and sincerely, it is even more painful to look at my "life records".

I used to be a very gentle and caring man. I truly was. Today i don't feel the same way. I really just want time to go by really quick for the next 5 or 6 months. I wish i could just speed up life for now. and Fast forward it.

Well got to go. I'm back to work, but my mind keeps on drifting to other places, and i am anxious for the weekend to start and i just lay around in my place.

Hello Everyone,

just want to give an update.

Its been tough financial but i think im a lot more happier now that im gamble free.

i randomly have dreams of gambling, then wake up and realize it was a dream. I am thankful. i did notice over the last few days, there have been random poker videos or gambling stuff. although it hasn't triggered me yet, i can imagine this causing issues.

i will focus on continuing to stay gamble free.

30 days GF

Congratulations on your first gamble-free month NewLife !

Keep going - it just gets better from here .

Hi Newlife123

Congrats on your 30th GF day! I look forward to continue to read more about your path on this road. I am a bit behind...day 19th, but my real struggle will start soon, and I will explain you why:
When you are broke it is easy to stay GF. You just don't have a choice. Only once I borrowed money to someone (this happened in a Casino, with someone I know) and I regretted it immediately. I was embarassed not to pay the following day (it took about a week) because I had no money. But this was to say that my gambling would stop whenever I was broke.
Then and for a few days or weeks, I wouldn't be able to play, until my salary reflected in my account.
Presently, I have some money available (not much), that in other recent occasions I would gamble it away. But this time I decided to be GF with money in my pocket (it will be used to get rid of part of my credit cards).
In the next few days, I will receive my salary. Most of it will be to pay my credit cards, but then the struggle gets real. I will be debt free and have actual money available.
I don't know if this also happens to you (members), but I guess this isn't unsual.
Like yourself, this time I really want to be in control, and I will!