First relapse since I lost everything 2 years ago

2 years ago I gambled my entire £40k savings. Since then, I have been rebuilding. I got a new job, was living a healthy lifestyle and moved to a new city. My problem was, I hadn't quit gambling completely, I just reduced my stake to around £50 per week.

Today i went to withdraw the money I had built up from playing Blackjack. I took half out and decided to play with the other half. I lost it withing minutes, and before I knew it i was depositing more. I've now deposited everything I had in my bank account and I feel like such a mug. I've been there before and still couldn't stop myself.

I still have savings but that money was for Christmas and the parties coming up. I can't stop thinking that I have just let myself and everyone else down AGAIN.

I don't understand why we do this to ourselves..

Thanks for listening

Hi Moneytalks

It is easy to stop gambling but staying stop require efforts and commitments. Your gamble free time is not wasted and you have reap the benefits of not been in the gambling cycle for a period of time.

For me, control gambling do not work because once I step inside the casino, all my senses went out the window, I really dislike losing more than I like winning.

You can get back on the horse again, stay strong.

Hello MoneyTalks,

It seems like setting a limit for yourself worked quite well for longer than I would have expected. By still gambling, we keep our mind in the frame that we can still "hit the big one" or that "we can be lucky" and buy things with our winning. Some people rationalize that all entertainment costs money, but rarely will simple entertainment costs us our family or our sanity.

Moneytalks wrote:I don't understand why we do this to ourselves..

We do this to ourselves because we are addicts and gambling fulfills a need that we were lacking in our regular life. I think the best step for you would be to quit as oppose to try to find a way to keep gambling in our lives. It is destructive and relentless. Once you can really say "Enough is enough. No more gambling for me", then can you start to make the proper decisions to halting this addiction. Otherwise, you will continue to endlessly fall victim to this ruthless addiction.

I believe that my addiction will never truly die . In my mind , it's simply laying in wait for its chance to come back and take over my life again . One moment of complacency or self-delusion that I'm "cured" and can somehow gamble like normal people do , will send me right back into the trap I battle so hard to get out of .

At this point in my life , having to go through the unpleasant and stressful steps of becoming gamble-free again is not something I want to do - now or ever . For me , it's a simple fact : When I was gambling , I was desperate , miserable and broke . When I stopped , I regained control of my life , my finances and my peace of mind .

I refuse to risk that for a chance to "win" some money .

Thanks for the replies guys.

I know this may sounds ridiculous. But for me, gambling in normal everyday life isn't an addiction. When i got casino with friends I can limit myself to £20 and take small winnings.

It's days like yesterday when no-one is around. I'm online and my bank details are already stored on the website. I lose £500 and immediately deposit £1000, I lose that and immediately deposit £2000.

Gambling for me is like a monster that I can control, but when I lose control, it goes crazy. I cannot stop myself and both times it has happened I have spent every penny in my bank account.

I think the only way is to stop gambling altogether. Although I keep telling myself that it's not bad for me and I control it, its them two odd times where it's spiralled that have ruined my life both times. I obviously don't learn from my mistakes.

Thanks again.

Moneytalks wrote:Gambling for me is like a monster that I can control, but when I lose control, it goes crazy. I cannot stop myself and both times it has happened I have spent every penny in my bank account.

This is the disease in a nutshell . We can control it - until we can't . Gambling addiction is progressive - the more we feed it , the stronger it becomes and it's simply a matter of time before any illusion of control that we had is obliterated by the compulsion to keep "trying" to win .

Moneytalks wrote: I keep telling myself that it's not bad for me and I control it, its them two odd times where it's spiralled that have ruined my life both times.

That is actually your addiction speaking . It needs to be fed . It does not want you to be free of it . It doesn't care that your life was ruined - it knows that you are capable of getting more of the money it requires to stay alive . At the moment , it is satisfied with getting some of it . Keep gambling and very soon it will begin to demand ( and receive ) every penny you've got .

It's already done exactly that , twice .

hello,
I too have had a severe blackjack addiction online for the past 4-5 years. I hit gambling goals and know Im doing wrong by continuing to play, and when I hit the goals and win, I kid myself thinking I wont play anymore. Cant explain why I go back, lose everything, then double up by betting a sports game and lose that too, completely emptying out all my accounts.
I cant get over the losses; How I can let myself to do this over and over, its a terrible sickness. I even had thoughts of flying to vegas and putting a huge bet down on a football team to chase my losses. I didnt do it (of course it won) making me feel even worse, when I just cant see that the real problem is ME, just need to walk away. I am only on day 3, feel terrible. Ive lost full house amounts from online blackjack. Have a hard time just getting out of bed now that I cant gamble even if I wanted to, no money left in any accounts online. Just 6 weeks ago I had all I wanted, portion of my losses back that I was comfortable with, still couldnt stop. Theres just nothing to do but not think or dwell on past and move on, so hard for me to do, but trying.

degen4life wrote: I too have had a severe blackjack addiction online for the past 4-5 years.

I feel like we're in the same situation degen. 1 week ago I had recouped some of my losses and withdrew from my account. I then gambled what was remaining but when I lost it I reversed the withdrawal and deposited more and more.

The addiction makes me keep depositing until I know I can't afford to anymore. And then when I take a couple of days I don't feel the need to play anymore. But I keep thinking I just want that money back and I know one big bet could do it - which I could do when I get paid.

The truth is, I feel good for winning small amounts to recoup small losses. But over the long run, I'm going to end up losing it all, because it just takes one day where luck goes against me.

The only way is to STOP. I'm on day 3 too and feeling OK. But it keeps crossing my mind and right before Christmas I just think how helpful that money would be.

Yep , this addiction doesn't give up without a fight . It's going to bombard you with " what-ifs " and
"maybes" and promises that you could win it all back and walk away .

It's all a lie . The demon needs to feed and you are denying it the thing that keeps it alive . It will continue to hound you until it either gets what it wants or it begins grow weak and die of starvation . Be aware that it will go into survival mode when you stop giving in to the compulsion to gamble . It's not pleasant , but it does pass .

Hang in there - you're doing great !

You only gain your soberness when you are out of money. It is true and always the case.
Then only the sense of regret come.

I had this one problem before when it comes to gambling. I always believed that I could come up with a system that could consistently make money via gambling, that I could make a living via gambling.
Oh boy....I was so WRONG. I learned the hard way. Tried all methods I could learn but always FAILED.
The easier the money come, the easier it went off.
Gambling NEVER pay. We are just enriching the Casino industry and its intermediaries.

The only way to win gambling is to TOTALLY STOP GAMBLING. Only then you are a winner.
Controlled gambling doesn't work for addicts.

Quitting gambling for good can only take place once you have made a SOLID decision to quit for eternity, staying away from any form of gambling, places of gambling, staying away from those who can influence you, and keeping the spirituality aspect of our life active (prayer life).