Relapse.. Once again... Im so tired of this

Once again I relapsed.

I was clean again for about a month or so, maybe more. Things were going steady. I don't make much at my job, but I make enough to survive and I am grateful for that. During this clean time, there were many times when I thought about gambling, but my will to stay away was stronger this time.

So how did this relapse happen? I locked my keys in my car and was stuck outside in the cold with a short sleeve shirt on. I tried to call for roadside assistance through my insurance but there were technical difficulties due to the insurance not being in my name. I couldn't get a hold of the person whose name the insurance was in, so I was stranded. It was getting too cold, and the only place that was open was a casino/cardroom. I did not want to take any chances and step into the casino, so I stayed outside.

After a while, it got too cold and I decided to step foot in the casino. I told myself I was just going to call to get a price estimate on how much it would be to get the keys out through a third party lock service. I got the estimate, and of course I thought to myself that I could win the money it costed to get the keys out so I wouldn't have to pay for it. I played, and to keep a long story short, I eventually lost all my money. I actually had what I needed to pay for the lock service, but I continued to play and lost everything I had saved.

Once again, I lost everything I had saved from work to the casino. I feel like I am a worker for the casino. I bust my butt working hard just to pay/ give my money to the casino

I am so tired and exhausted, and at a loss for words. I am depressed, stressed, frustrated, and losing hope. I feel stuck in life.

Pick yourself up BadLuck , and start again .

One month is great , a forward step in the journey . You did it once , you can do it again .

We have all recommended GA to you before , and self-exclusion . It has to be obvious now that you aren't having a lot of success going it alone . Will power is rarely enough to overcome this disease and very few - if any - of us have woken up one day , said " I quit " and then never gambled again .

It is a long hard battle but it's one you can win . Never give up .

I relapsed again twice. Both times I went in chasing my losses, and both times I lost more. In the past week I lost a thousand dollars. It may not seem like a lot, but it is to me since I am living paycheck to paycheck and I am quite broke. This feeling sucks. I miss the days I was gamble free, but the combination of the three, the highs from winning, the dream of a huge win, and chasing my losses keeps me going back.

I wish gambling didn't exist. My life sure would have been better up to this point if it didn't

Your life can be better . It's up to you whether or not it happens .

You have a choice , no matter what the addiction tries to tell you .