My Story *may trigger*

Hi my names Joe, and I seem to have a problem i cant seem to get myself out of. This would be my first post at something like this, but i guess i finally realise its time to try and find a way to stop this.
My first bet was at just 14 ( 23 now ) i remember have a fake ID and managed to place a £1 bet on a football team to win a match. i do wonder what would have changed if i hadn't of placed that bet, however i did, and as the weeks progressed so did the bets. I started to find myself of a weekend just spending all my money on horses or roulette or greyhounds, or anything that was on at the time in the bookies. I had a small cash in hand part time job at the time, and yet all my money was going into the bookies. The same cycle carried on for a number of years, i missed out on going to collage as i'd rather of had a job to fund the gambling habit. i was spending everything, stealing what i could, hurting friends and family, just to spend everything in the bookies.
I even started self harming during this time, mainly due to the problem, turned to drugs, alcohol, anything self destructive really. during this time i was gambling online, and somehow over the space of a month or to i'd accumulated a balance of £65000. I still remember the night it all crashed down, Still on the drugs, i placed a £500 bet on some random sport at 3am, and it lost, and in my drug fuelled state i chased the loss, i'd lost it all. i wish i could say that this was the end of the story, but as the days followed, i attempted suicide twice, was kept under watch, was fired from my job, and lost everyone close to me, once they saw what i was hiding and what i had become. i started applying for all kinds of loans and credit and lost it all.
I remember using my fathers papal, spending everything i could in hope to win something back. i couldn't stop the chase. he took at a £15k loan to repay my debts, but instead i used to to try and win something back. all this happend at 21.
Move on a few years, I've set up repayment plans to start to pay back what i owe, paid back my father, have a job. and have stopped self harming. I guess its progress, but i still have relapses, and after saving for months and months i seem to lose it all in a day. This past week I've been gambling again, blackjack online, I've won a little money, and have closed any account i can, but i don't trust it'll stay that way.
I've kept this as condensed as i can, and have missed out most of the details, but there we are. I look back at the major points and cant help but think, what if.

Welcome Joe ,

Gambling addiction is a hard disease to beat - it takes time and it takes a plan . You've made a lot of positive steps . I recommend that you take another one - find a GA meeting or Gamblers help group . Real-life support can make a critical difference in this battle .

One of the worst things about this addiction is how our minds work so hard to convince us that we don't really have a problem . I remember thinking to myself " I am fighting with a voice in my own mind and the voice is winning . " It felt like some alien thing had taken up residence my brain and I was powerless to stop it from exerting its control over my actions .

The fight was long , hard and unpleasant . But it is not impossible . If you haven't already , please check out our Strategies thread at the top of the page . We will help you anyway we can.

You are not alone , and you can remove gambling from your life .