The Road to a Gamble Free Life

Hello,

This is my first time here and I wanted to share my story.

I'm 24 and my gambling history started the day I turned 18. I came from a family full of addiction on both sides with many different things. I always thought that I succeeded and overcame the addiction in my family as I am not a big drinker, not into drugs, etc. Took me a while to realize I didn't win, I let gambling addiction win me.

My father's side was big into gambling and taught me all about it from a young age. My grandmother died last year at 80 without a penny to her name. I'd see her, walker and all, at the casino at 3am in morning all alone. My aunts all spend 10s of thousands of dollars a year on gambling even though they can "financially support it."

My addiction started at 18. In my state, Indian casinos are 18+ and the others are 21+. On my 18th birthday I was so excited to gamble I drove by myself four hours to the nearest 18+ casino and spend 10 hours overnight gambling only to drive back those same four hours by myself barely awake because I was too young to book a room. I did this frequently in the years leading to being 21. I didn't have many financial responsibilities until I was 22 and was working in upper retail management since I was 19. I was able to spend 80% of my paycheck weekly and not think twice about it. When I turned 22 I moved out on my own, got a car, and gained a whole lot of monthly responsibility but that didn't stop me from gambling.

When I turned 21 it started to get progressively worse as I was and still am under 20 minutes from the nearest casino. It started out as a social thing, going with friends from time to time. I would go a couple times a month by myself for an all nighter just to get away from reality.

Eventually it turned into a dangerous therapy habit for me. It had nothing to do with money. The casino was and still is a spot for me to get away from my thoughts, people and the world. I am able to just focus on the slot machine and clear my head. Dangerous.

It started to get really bad about a year ago roughly. I started to frequent more and more by myself. I would start spending more and more of what I had left after bills until it got the point where I would leave myself with virtually nothing to get by on. About 4 months ago I discovered payday loans and started spending my whole paycheck PLUS part of the next paycheck. Dangerous cycle. The casino I frequent didn't help either as they give me free play every three days instead of weekly. I get upset at the thought of losing that free play money which bring my to the casino AT LEAST every three days.

About two weeks ago I had my first desire to quit for good. I added up how much I've spent in the last two months prior and realized it was $2000.00. I was sick. So I made the decision to quit. I threw away all of my players cards and even put a wallpaper on my phone screen and lock screen that said $2000.00 as a constant reminder of how much I spent in only 2 months (average to half of my monthly income each month).

I managed to stay gambling free for one full week until I had a bad day and wanted to get away and relapsed. I felt horrible but I lost that argumentative battle in my head with the person that comes out when these urges occur.

Now here I am with $30 to my name to get me by until next Friday and on top of that after bills are paid and my cash advance is paid off from my next check I'll have about $50 of that paycheck left.

It is time to stop. I want to stop. The obstacle is finding how to lock the person that comes out during the urges away and beat them at their game.

I am hoping that opening up to this forum is a new step in the right direction. I want today to have been the last day of gambling for me.

Welcome Presence692 , and well done for making the decision to remove this destructive addiction from your life .

Like you , I used gambling to "hide" from the stress , frustration and unhappiness in my life . Little did I realize at the time that doing that only compounded those things . I escaped into the casino to forget about my problems and when I came out , all of my problems were there waiting for me , and now I was broke too .

If you haven't already , please check out our Strategies thread at the top of the page for advice and if there is a GA meeting in your area , I highly recommend joining it . Real life support can be a powerful weapon in this battle .

Self-exclusion is another invaluable tool . Putting roadblocks in place has saved many of us from relapse when the urge to gamble is upon us .

Feel free to post any time , particularly if you are struggling . Recovery is a long hard road . We'll be with you every step of the way .

You don't have to live like this .

Thank you for the wonderful words.

I have read through the strategies and I am putting some of them in place inmediately. I feel like some of them really could help me.

I've made it two days so far. What's helped me so far is curbing thoughts as soon as I think about gambling. I immediately force my mind to steer away from the thoughts before they dwell into an urge.

Getting through the weekend will be easier for me as I am more active with other responsibilities during then. Getting through the beginning of the week is what I'm preparing for and determined to succeed as that's when my next "free play" cycle starts.

I am extremely interested in GA but unfortunately the only meeting near me is during a time I work consistently but on the rare times I can free that time up with work, I plan on attending. But I am in the process of researching other forms of professional therapy in my area.

Self-exclusion is an absolute last resort option at the moment and for reasons none related to gambling. Where I am, when you self exclude you self exclude from one casino you self exclude permanently from all 4 casinos in the area. It would be perfect for me but unfortunately one of the casinos is owned by a company that also owns many non-gambling related business and corporations in my area, one of which I am in the process of interviewing with for a job that is very lucrative to me at the moment. You unfortunately can't be self excluded from the casinos to work there as some of the work and mandatory functions are located on the casino grounds. If this doesn't pan out for me, it is definitely something I'm considering.

I can do this. Day by day, month by month, it can be done.

I'm glad you found some helpful advice . I understand about not self-excluding for the time being . There have been other members here whose professional lives necessitate that they spend time with clients at gambling venues . It makes things harder , that's for sure .

If you do take a job that prevents you from self-excluding , then professional counseling and a real-life support system will be more critical than ever .

As for the " free play" , recognize it for what it is : Bait for the trap . The pittance that they are dangling in front of you is a drop in the bucket compared to the amount that you will lose in the long run . Why would any business offer people free money if they didn't stand to recoup that amount many times over ? It's no different from your local heroin dealer offering you your first hit for free . In fact , the results are the same .

If you cannot self-exclude from the premises , try at least to get yourself taken off their mailing lists and block their e-mails on your devices . Keep fighting ! You're doing great .