Finally realized i had a problem

I'm 28 and have been gambling since 15. Did not hit casinos until 21. Usually just got fun. Didn't get bad until the past 6 months I have been playing baccarat quite successfully during this time, I was able to build up a 15 K bankroll after a series of lucky sessions and discipline, money management, etc, and I lost it all in one hour. I feel sick to my stomach because I could really use that money for me and my family. I have used about 6K of my money betting small and turning it into more. Everytime I am up a few hundred or thousand, I keep thinking just a little more and then I lose it all. Once I was up to 15K, I just couldn't stop I slowly started losing and lost all the discipline it took to get me there. I told my girlfriend and gave her access to all my finances so I don't keep chasing the dream, just wondering if there are others out there like me that win more then 10K and it just isn't enough. I couldn't go two weeks without playing much less 1 day. My perception of money is lost, I viewed 2-3k as nothing and now I feel sick just thinking about how it happened. I have played about 50,000 hands of baccarat and my mind feels drained to the point I can't function at work anymore.I don't want to play anymore, I think if I had cashed out that 15K it would have started something really bad for the rest of my life. I'm trying to be positive but I cant stop thinking about all I could have done with that money. Plus all the time and effort that is wasted really hurts too.

hey. For sure. And that's the problem. Getting up 15k now anything you win under that won't be enough. It's never enough. You know what? nor was 15k enough. If it was you would have stopped. That's the addiction. No amount never satisfies you. It's all a bs fantasy which tricks you. You think if only I had this, If only I stopped there. If only I played that hand. Gambling will always be about what if's, I coulda, I shoulda, and if only.

It will drive you insane. I've won 200k+. It wasn't enough. Addiction needs more and more. I thought once when I lost 20k, that at that point in time as depressed and bad as I felt, that I could win more 6 months later and it could lead to better things. I did win more, much more. But it led to worse things. Because I lost that too. Then I won even more, lost that. Then even when you '' win 30k, it's not enough because you had 60k at one point. Then you lose that too etc.

It snowballs in every facet possible. The losses, the anxiety, the bad morrds, the debt.

It's ironic because you want money, and it's supposed to be so great and make you feel like you were at the top, yet why gamble it if it's so good and you climbed the mountain? The mountain never ends at it's highest point, because there is no highest point. A never ending mountain. But yet when you fall from it, as one always does, you come crashing down lower than you think you could possibly go. You don't just land back down to even ground, you sink below it. And can stay there or get lower.

You can never get high enough, nor will you. But you sure as hell { and notice that word there } can get lower, and lower, and lower.

Did what you did many times. Then you just bet because you're addicted and bet for the '' thrill '' or need.

You can't win. You could win 30k tomorrow, you wont just walk away. You would lose that plus more, even if it's two years away. The same way you lost it this time, that always happens man. Not because you're stupid, or you should have just walked away. You lost it because Youre ADDICTED and addicts can't stop.


15k up hey. What happens if you win that back and get to 50k? believe me, you will not stop. And if you did use that money to buy things, you'd still lose 50k+ of your own money DOWN THE TRACK { irony again }


addicts can never control it man. God bless. I know the pain you're going through. We all do. Save your vital energy for life, yourself and your loved ones.

gambling creates evil and makes one weaker.

the only bet that one places should be on themselves.



May god grant you peace and good health. And that is what's important in life.

Thank you for your post, The loss of money is a bummer, but deep down I know if I cashed out that 15K, it would have only led to larger and larger bets. No bankroll is ever big enough to withstand losses, I understand that now.

Welcome Blake1831 !

Houseawayswins is right - no amount of money is enough for the addiction . Whether it's a win or a loss , all gambling does is induce us to gamble more . After a while , logic doesn't even enter the equation . The compulsion is to keep feeding the addiction and the "reasons" it gives us for continuing to gamble are often mind-bogglingly ridiculous . Yet we believe them , time and time again .

Within my first month of stopping gambling , I could only shake my head at some of the warped thinking that my addiction had me doing . Stay strong - the fog will clear and the truth of the damage we are doing to ourselves will become more evident with every gamble-free day .

I bet another 2 grand trying to make some of the money back and your right, when I win 500 bucks or1000 it feels like pennies to me. I can't even enjoy gambling anymore without playing high stakes, and I don't want to spend more thinking about the money I lost. How can I forget about the money and stop thinking about all I could have done with that money?

There's no easy answer to that Blake1831 .

Recovery is a many faceted process . There are usually multiple issues to deal with - regret , guilt , urges , worry . Our primary focus in the beginning needs to be stopping the thing that is causing all of this .

Fixating on the money we lost only provides the addiction with another "reason" why we should keep gambling . It uses our obsession with the losses to convince us that the only way to get it back is to continue to do the very thing that created those losses in the first place . It is twisted addiction-logic at it's finest .

It's trying to con you into thinking that you can put out a fire by throwing gasoline on it and afterwards its ashes will miraculously become solid wood again .

The reality is , all that the fire has consumed is gone for good , everything we throw on the fire will be consumed and without fuel to feed it , the fire will die on its own .

Tell yourself to just get through the day without gambling and you will tackle the money regrets later . Even if "later" never comes . I still regret all the money I threw away - who wouldn't ? But I won't let my addiction use that regret to lure me back into the trap . I won't rekindle that fire .

I realize I am in this position because I was extremely greedy, I had many opportunities to walk away and I didn't, couldnt. Yesterday I was tempted to deposit again bit I didn't just kept thinking of how #######5 I felt and how gambling has affected my real life. I keep getting schemes in my head to make this money back but I am trying to resist since I know I can't stop regardless of how much money I am up. Thank you gorgeous advice

Well done for fighting back !

I think it might be helpful for you to look into what exactly happens to our brain chemistry in regards to this addiction . It isn't always as simple as being greedy . There is a big difference between a strong desire to do something and the compulsion to do it .

Once I became aware of the changes that my addiction made to my brain , it was easier for me to understand why I was experiencing these overwhelming urges and why it was so hard to combat them . In a nutshell , I believe I was addicted to the abnormally high levels of dopamine that I had flooded my brain with on an almost daily basis .

That near-constant state of brain chemical "high" had to be maintained in order for me to feel "normal" . Denying myself the thing that produced that rush resulted in withdrawal symptoms , anxiousness and overwhelming urges .

It took me about 4-5 months before my brain chemistry returned to a pre-gambling state of functionality . For a long time , nothing seemed interesting or exciting if it wasn't gambling .
I forced myself to be social , to go out and engage with friends and family and to try different things for entertainment .

Little by little , the old me came back and the things in life that had made me feel happy and satisfied were enough . I didn't crave the massive gambling induced doses of dopamine anymore and the urges for it began to subside . When they did pop up , they were easily dismissed with the understanding that even though I may always get urges for the mega-highs of gambling , I can live perfectly well without them and experience excitement and pleasure on a normal level .

That is all I ever wanted - to return to the person I was before I became addicted to gambling . It took time and it took a lot of effort , but it can be done . Look to your future and how you want it to be . You have the power to make it happen .

Yes Blake, HouseAlwaysWins, and NSR concur the problem is that it is never enough. I can have 8 consecutive wins and then lose it all and more on the ninth trip. Easy to leave winner, but win I get loser can not leave until it is all gone. No stop loss discipline. Keep believing I can control this, when evidence tells me no. House said it well. Wonder how long House has been GF? I had control until four casinos were built in my area last four years. I sincerely believe no one is really winning, but we all keep telling ourselves we can. I used to scoff at people that had alcohol or drug problems, but now that I understand gambling no longer scoff and understand. Blake, I can tell you House and NSR know what they are talking about. The only way to win is to quit. I am still working on that myself so am not in the preaching mode here, but recognize what we are all up against.

Sorry guys, got a phone call before I finished. Then there is the adrenaline rush associated with winning and all the manic-depressive stuff that happens win or lose. Fast games like craps really are emotional roller coasters. You can spot the truly addicted as they reach in their pocket every ten minutes for more cash. We are all traveling in that direction. When I read posts by House and NSR I recognize people who have been there. I really did not even realize I had a problem until a few years ago. This is a sneaky addiction. It is definitely progressive. The bottom line as you guys have said and I recognize is that it is never enough and when you when you are really just lucky not smart. Enough said. The posts by House and NSR got me fired up. Luck to you Blake. You are still young and can kick this and get clean. Listen to us old timers.