9 months of addiction has left me financially ruined

Hi
Feels strange to be writing this as the whole experience is very surreal.
Within a relatively short time I've found myself gripped by a gambling addiction.
What started on a winning streak betting on football matches has ended up with me gambling on any sport going.
I'm approx 40k down and can't stop chasing losses.
I've borrowed to get where I am , and the worst part is that to get the loans from my parents I had to lie and claim it was for living expenses. They would be so let down if I told them.

I have a great job, have always been outgoing and successful, this is ruining me financially and mentally.

Has anyone quit though sheer will power alone? I'm so ashamed of what I've let happen, I don't think I can bring myself to tell friends or family.

I would give anything to have the last nine months back.

There is nothing you could do to get the last nine months back so it's pointless to dwell on it. My question to you is would you give anything to not repeat the last nine months?

Hopefully the answer is yes and if it is you're in luck because you don't have to give too much at all. You can get your life back on track with just a few simple things. First, self-exclude if possible from wherever you've been betting. Second, find a GA meeting and attend regularly. Third, tell somebody about your problem and enlist their help by having them take control of your finances.

If you do these three things you'll be putting up some formidable roadblocks to stop you from gambling while exploring your addiction and getting a better understanding of it.

Also, the answer to your question is NO! Nobody stops through willpower alone. If you try to keep your problem a secret to deal with it on your own you won't have anybody to hold you accountable if you relapse. Keep posting here and take my advice and a month from now you'll be absolutely amazed at how much better your life is.

Stevieb wrote:Hi
Feels strange to be writing this as the whole experience is very surreal.
Within a relatively short time I've found myself gripped by a gambling addiction.
What started on a winning streak betting on football matches has ended up with me gambling on any sport going.
I'm approx 40k down and can't stop chasing losses.
I've borrowed to get where I am , and the worst part is that to get the loans from my parents I had to lie and claim it was for living expenses. They would be so let down if I told them.

I have a great job, have always been outgoing and successful, this is ruining me financially and mentally.

Has anyone quit though sheer will power alone? I'm so ashamed of what I've let happen, I don't think I can bring myself to tell friends or family.

I would give anything to have the last nine months back.

Hi Stevie

That was my main addiction aswell.
Loved nothing more than lumping a big wedge on a football team to win and you know what ? They often won ... which is the problem - what do you do when you win ? ... why would you just walk away with the winnings when you can do it all again ?!.. that is the spiral I was in but no more ....

I have tried for years and years to battle my gambling with sheer will power alone ... would say to myself, just one big bet every payday for example, and for months I could stick to this.. but eventually every 'system' breaks down.

After yet another relapse, and 30+ hours no sleep due to gambling, I finally realised I had to quit all together - the hardest decision ever, once I knew I made the second hardest step, telling my partner everything... it was the best thing I could of done.

That would be my biggest advice, tell someone, even just a mate. It's so refreshing! Money can be clawed back and think how proud you can make yourself by clearing it yourself or with help but avoiding gambling. Well done for posting on here.

Day 7 for me and feeling so much better for it.
We can do this !

Thanks for the replies guys.
really helpful. Have gambled a small amount in last 48 hours. Peanuts compared to what I've got myself into.
But I know this isnt the answer.
I know what you're saying about telling someone, but I really think I need to do this on my own.
I cant face the shame and guilt. This is for me , and me alone. I got myself into this so I need to get myself out.
Some great comments on other posts about not hating myself, thinking of the debt as a bad business venture etc...
Going to spend the weekend exercising, getting fresh air and trying to enjoy life instead of checking my damn phone for sports results.

Wish me luck. Will keep you updated.

thanks again

Stevieb wrote:I cant face the shame and guilt

Many of us are in the same situation. We don't want to expose this side of us to anyone because we don't want people to look at us differently or show this horrible side of us.

Stevieb wrote:This is for me , and me alone. I got myself into this so I need to get myself out.

This comment however is really the addiction talking. We figure that we need to be responsible for all the mess we created so if we got ourselves into it, we'll get ourselves out. I don't know how many times I have told that to myself and kept it in and trying to beat it on my own. It was a pointless and endless struggle. The addiction thrives in secrecy because it doesn't have to be accounted for (except for ourselves, but we bend those rules so easily). We are all different and all have different ways of dealing with recovery, but I hope you will be able to do it on your own. I was not able and so were many on this forum. If you are able to do it on your own, please tell me a year later that I was wrong I will very glad that someone could do it

Stevieb wrote:Thanks for the replies guys.
really helpful. Have gambled a small amount in last 48 hours. Peanuts compared to what I've got myself into.
But I know this isnt the answer.
I know what you're saying about telling someone, but I really think I need to do this on my own.
I cant face the shame and guilt. This is for me , and me alone. I got myself into this so I need to get myself out.
Some great comments on other posts about not hating myself, thinking of the debt as a bad business venture etc...
Going to spend the weekend exercising, getting fresh air and trying to enjoy life instead of checking my damn phone for sports results.

Wish me luck. Will keep you updated.

thanks again

Exactly same boat as me my friend, i am one step further i think as i told someone and now feel totally different to gambling and to life!

i tried for years and years battling this on my own - firstly, i never really let myself think i had a problem and i always justified my betting (if i lose £200, that's ok, i still got £500 for the month...and when i hit £500.. that's ok if i lose £100.. i still got £400 for the month) sooner or later, i am broke, absolutely skint and have to last 2-3 weeks till pay day feeling pissed off! - the cycle continued.

Its totally up to you, how you wish to approach this, you have made the first step talking on here, but more steps are needed i think for you. Good luck, keep posting.

Day 8

As hard as it will be to accept, the only real way to move forward in my experience is to let it go. It's the thought of the losses which drive you to gamble more. Personally I think that's a big part of the addiction. You gamble more, take a higher risk to try and get back what you lost and this is how they really make their money from us - they prey on our natural human instincts and emotions.

Once you make some peace with yourself, accept the loss and start putting in some practical financial controls (this is also key - do whatever it takes to limit/restrict access to excess capital) you will find yourself in a better place mentally - then you can start focusing on the debt. What also might help is if you think of this whole little episode as a business venture gone bad - just write it off as a bad decision and be determined to learn from it.

One thing I can tell you from my own experience is that $40k loss will eventually be $100k if you don't stop. This disease is progressive and will totally wipe you out if you let it control you. Right now the monster is on the loose in your head, controlling your thoughts and preying on your fragile state. Get control of it and put it back in the box and you will start to heal.

Make sure you also look at seeking help outside of the forum as others have said.

Well, nearly a week on, and I'm pleased to report I havnt placed a bet since last saturday.
Part of my success this week was transferring any available funds to whats left of my savings account, and taken it away from the account linked to my gambling sites.
Having that extra barrier seems to have worked (i know I could transfer back pretty much instantly, but the extra move required has slowed the process of chasing losses)

I have become very reflective these past few days. And must say, its a bit like a fog lifting.
I can see far more clearly what a fool I've been . And thats ok to call myself a fool. No matter what you tell yourself to make it feel better, this is a purely self inflicted situation . And to be able to look in the mirror and call yourself a fool is part of the acceptance.
The money is gone, I dont ever want to feel like this again, all hope is not lost. Money comes and money goes, but as others have said, its the quality of life thats more important . I'm looking forward to another weekend gamble free. I'm not naive enough to think its over. But its a start.

Sorry for rambling, but I am kind of pleased with myself. If I can do it, then so can you.

Keep trying people.

Stevieb wrote:And to be able to look in the mirror and call yourself a fool is part of the acceptance.

The important thing Stevieb is that we learn and try not to repeat the same mistakes again. I don't exactly call myself names when I look in the mirror but I do avoid it if I could help it after flushing more money down the toilet when I was at the casino. Anyway I still feel like an idiot

Baby step is important and effective, keep it up. I don't hate or dislike the casinos but I know I can never gamble again, I have crossed the line big time. So sad