Trying for Clean Time

I like your honesty badluck. Good on you for being honest. It's good that you admitted to us you gambled. A lot of people couldn't do that.

I understand. Everything. Sorry for being hard on you. Sometimes though we have to be brutally honest with ourselves and with others.

I used to go stupid playing perfect pairs at times. Just compulsive playing evry box '' just one more time '' or '' if I don't do it and it wins ill be pissed '' but I just pissed my money away and would blow at times 400 dollars in 30 minutes. Not all the time, but yeah, I def lost control a few times or a dozen times etc playing pp compulsively.

You need to get outside your head. Go for a dip in the pool/beach or take a walk. When you're in gambling mode, you're in your head thinking about betting 24/7.


You want money, but what's costing you money is betting. It's counter productive. But yes the addiction as got you.


You need a chat with a gambling counsellor face to face and need to self exclude for sure. If you self exclude from the casino you will save yourself so much money. You will be glad you did it after because within a few days you will focus your time and energy on productive things and will save yourself from getting banged up.

An update on me? I am two steps away from self excluding myself from all California cardrooms for a year. I went and gambled yesterday, the day before, the day before, and the day before. I went yesterday with my last money to try and win back the money I lost the day before. I told myself I'd try poker this time since it supposedly involves more skill than luck and I might have better chances to win than in baccarat and blackjack. Of course when I go in I feel I don't have enough to play poker, and I convince myself to go play baccarat and blackjack instead like I always do (I always find a way to talk myself out of even trying poker cash games, probably because it's slower, and because I'd prefer to take the cardroom's/casino's money instead of other people's money). I go and play blackjack and baccarat and lose everything in my pockets again. After that I'm about ready to implode as I walk out. I tell myself I am done gambling. This morning I reached out to a supporter who helped me find the online self exclusion form and I filled it out. Now all that's left is two steps, getting the paper signed by a worker, and mailing it out. I'm taking my life back. It hurts a lot to be in this position because I have close to 100,000 dollars in debt, and I am poor and have low income. It's going to be really hard to get things back to a maintainable level financially, it may take the rest of my life, but I'm going to try. All I know is I have literally spent a whole third or fourth of my life (being that I'm in my mid 20s) gambling away money. I was the casino's worker, dog, or whatever you want to call it, running around gathering up money to bring back and give to the casino. That was me, and I'm sick of it and done with it. I will complete the self exclusion and live another way. I pray that it's not too hard to dig myself out of this hole I dug into.

I hope you make it happen BLLMB . Because you can't go on like this . You know that .

Gambling isn't making you money , it's only making you more debt .

One of the biggest lies the addiction tells us is that all we need is that One Big Win and we will be able to quit for good . It's as if something in our brains has us convinced that that if we keep throwing our money onto this bonfire , eventually we will put the fire out .

You've been believing this lie for years now . It's time to open your eyes and accept the fact that no matter how much money you get from gambling , the very nature of gambling addiction will compel you to gamble it all back and go into debt in an attempt to get more . No amount of "win" is ever enough for our addiction .

I'm proud of you for taking this step - it's incredibly hard . When I cut up my credit card , it took me 20 minutes of fighting with my addiction before I forced myself to do it . I was bombarded with "reasons" why I shouldn't , the addiction's reaction was so severe that you'd think I was attempting to cut off one of my fingers instead of a piece of plastic . The moment the card fell in pieces to the floor , I felt three things all at once : Panic , regret and massive relief .

That first step was the hardest and best thing I'd ever done for myself . It gave me the knowledge that I could take back control of my life , that I did have the strength to fight back and triumph over my addiction . It was the beginning of my battle to reclaim my life and that first moment of victory , after years of being controlled by my compulsions , gave me the hope and strength to free myself .

You can stop this madness . The fight to stop gambling won't be easy , it won't be quick and it won't be pleasant . But it will release you from the chains that are dragging you down into ruin now . Better to be poor and be free than to be a slave to an addiction .

It might be hard to dig out of the hole but I promise you that it will be much harder if you keep gambling. I want you to know BLLMB that you're one frustrating person. It kills me that you keep going back again and again and can't stop or listen to good advice. Now that you've filled out the paperwork you're sooooooo close to being happy and getting control of your life. If you really do it you'll be doing a favor not just for yourself but for several people here who are rooting for you. I can't imagine how inspiring you'll be to people who are still struggling once you've stopped gambling. Think of it, a year from now you'll be giving advice to somebody who is in the same boat as you are and you can refer them to your countless posts telling of your relapses. When you tell them that your life changed when you self-excluded and show them how much better off your are you'll be a force in here. You're somebody that we need, so join the team and send in that paperwork!!!!

I feel for you because I recall the despair that one feels. You gamble because you feel as though you have nothing else. Gambling has caused so much negativity, that you think and feel the only way you can escape these negative emotions and situations is by gambling your way back to '' goodness ''

You can't though. Gambling makes you FEEL like you can and it's the only way but it's not. It's like a current, you're trying to swim against it but it's only pushing you further away from shore. The more you try, the further you're going to get swept out I'm afraid and there will be no way back.

If you stop now and realise this, you will get back to shore, which is your safety a lot sooner than should you continue on this destructive path.

###$ gambling should be illegal. It ruins people and their lives.

Repair yourself. Please. I got things I want to improve and I'm going to. Lets both do it. All of us. Stay on the good journey and not the $#%^ dirty one.


Peace.

buster1969 wrote:It might be hard to dig out of the hole but I promise you that it will be much harder if you keep gambling. I want you to know BLLMB that you're one frustrating person. It kills me that you keep going back again and again and can't stop or listen to good advice. Now that you've filled out the paperwork you're sooooooo close to being happy and getting control of your life. If you really do it you'll be doing a favor not just for yourself but for several people here who are rooting for you. I can't imagine how inspiring you'll be to people who are still struggling once you've stopped gambling. Think of it, a year from now you'll be giving advice to somebody who is in the same boat as you are and you can refer them to your countless posts telling of your relapses. When you tell them that your life changed when you self-excluded and show them how much better off your are you'll be a force in here. You're somebody that we need, so join the team and send in that paperwork!!!!

This!

I can't wait for Day 365 so I can tell the world that I am over it.
At the moment just my partner and you people on here.

C'mon. Just try one week, one month, one year of not gambling then see how we feel.

The amount of pain I have experienced in this past year is not explainable, especially recently, it's been very unpleasant to say the least. Gambling has caused me much despair, desperation, and misery. Things were already bad without the gambling, but it definitely multiplied the negativity of things. I've been gambling on and off throughout my life, but this past year has been of the worst gambling relapse periods I have had. Now, I feel as if I am barely holding on and this is the only way I can take some sort of step to take my life back (by stepping away from gambling and self excluding myself). I know it's not going to be easy, but I'm going to fight for a better life. Please pray for me and I will pray for y'all.

Hi badluck
Please go ahead and self exclude and let us know, everyone here is behind you and want you to quit your gambling addiction for good.
It's not easy, but I can guarantee you will be living a happier life than the one you are living now.
Come here often and we will support you all the way.
I am wishing you the strength to get on and complete your self exclusion.

BadluckLeavesMeBroke wrote:The amount of pain I have experienced in this past year is not explainable, especially recently, it's been very unpleasant to say the least. Gambling has caused me much despair, desperation, and misery. Things were already bad without the gambling, but it definitely multiplied the negativity of things. I've been gambling on and off throughout my life, but this past year has been of the worst gambling relapse periods I have had. Now, I feel as if I am barely holding on and this is the only way I can take some sort of step to take my life back (by stepping away from gambling and self excluding myself). I know it's not going to be easy, but I'm going to fight for a better life. Please pray for me and I will pray for y'all.

I could have written this post verbatim back in 2013. You're at the point where gambling isn't even fun anymore, it's just what you do. It's probably similar to a heroin addict who keeps chasing a high they can't attain so they just feel sick all the time. You're right that it won't be easy but it also won't be as hard as you think. Self-exclusion gives you the most amazing feeling. It reminded me of how I felt when I lost someone who was very sick and in a lot of pain. I was scared but once it was over there was a very odd sense of relief since I knew they would never suffer again. When you self-exclude it's a little scary at first but you'll know for sure that you won't be in that casino again the next time you have some money. The really good news is that you won't be losing someone or something that you really love, you'll be losing something that is ruining your life.

-- Mon Sep 11, 2017 3:22 pm --

gran wrote:Hi badluck
Please go ahead and self exclude and let us know, everyone here is behind you and want you to quit your gambling addiction for good.
It's not easy, but I can guarantee you will be living a happier life than the one you are living now.
Come here often and we will support you all the way.
I am wishing you the strength to get on and complete your self exclusion.

I'm an eternal optimist gran and I feel like this is the time for BLLMB to do it. They used to come here and complain about losses and never reply to any replies their thread got, this time is different and when you see a change in behavior it's probably because somebody is actually changing.

BadluckLeavesMeBroke wrote:The amount of pain I have experienced in this past year is not explainable, especially recently, it's been very unpleasant to say the least. Gambling has caused me much despair, desperation, and misery. Things were already bad without the gambling, but it definitely multiplied the negativity of things. I've been gambling on and off throughout my life, but this past year has been of the worst gambling relapse periods I have had. Now, I feel as if I am barely holding on and this is the only way I can take some sort of step to take my life back (by stepping away from gambling and self excluding myself). I know it's not going to be easy, but I'm going to fight for a better life. Please pray for me and I will pray for y'all.

This addiction is progressive and it will only get worst, many people in this forum have been through this and recover, there is hope but you have to do your part.

The casinos and betting sites are not your friends and they have no sympathy for gamblers. They don't care how much we lose or how we get the money, it is in the business to make money not unlike other business. Only difference is that we get nothing in return because we can't stop even if we win.

I remember when I was in this fancy Indian casino, the security was evicting an older woman because she was there "too long", playing one cent a line on an old machine and eating. I am sure if she had been playing normal, like min 40 cent a bet, they would have left her alone. I see people eating and drinking at the slot all the time and nobody ask them to leave. The woman pleaded with them to let her at least finish her food. It was hard breaking.