Going to tell my partner everything

Ok, read some story's on here which has compelled me to change my ways.

I have been gambling for around 15 years now, tommorow I am going to tell my partner my debts due to gambling , I feel this is the right thing to do as I know it needs to stop as my debt is racking up.

I feel two ways about this - excited that I am going to finally bring gambling to a stop. Upset I can no longer gamble ! And also will lose my independence, I presume she will take my bank card and watch my spending habits, she is a understanding person and I am marrying her next year.

I feel gutted it's got to this stage

I saw the heading and was like 'That person has the guts that I wish I had'. This is going to be a huge step and a turning point in this addiction for you. I have tried many things to curb this addiction (most on my own and failed) but the two most important things that helped in my recovery was:
1. My wife finding out and becoming accountable for my actions
2. My wife taking away the access to money from me
I hope it goes 'well' and become the end of the addiction for you!!

Confessing a gambling problem is never as bad as we think it will be. I suspect that we still want to gamble and use fear of confessing as an excuse.

But you have my respect for taking this step, it's key to recovery and it shows you're serious.

Aries411 wrote:I saw the heading and was like 'That person has the guts that I wish I had'. This is going to be a huge step and a turning point in this addiction for you. I have tried many things to curb this addiction (most on my own and failed) but the two most important things that helped in my recovery was:
1. My wife finding out and becoming accountable for my actions
2. My wife taking away the access to money from me
I hope it goes 'well' and become the end of the addiction for you!!

Thanks, tommorow is the big day, i feel quite sick and nervous about it.

Welcome MTlondon , and well done for taking this difficult but important step . There is a great deal of courage in what you are doing .

It may be hard and the consequences may be painful but once the air clears , you will find that a huge weight has been lifted from your heart . You are freeing yourself from the chains of secrecy , and dragging this thing out into the light where it's power over you will be crippled .

I wish you all the best . You are doing the right thing .

So ....
It's done.

Very hard to pluck up the courage and wait for the right moment. Eventually, I turned off the TV and said 'we need to talk' ... looked in her eyes and said ' I have a gambling addiction and I'm in serious debt' was a very horrible and long silence, she didn't know what to say.
I told her everything, I showed her my bank statement and I told her exactly how much I earn... told her when and how I've been doing my gambling, I cried my eyes out.
She was angry, hurt, confused but now understanding, for me, I'm excited and hopeful for the future ..5 days without gambling - I know that was my last chance, I know it's not just the money I can lose. My biggest wake up call for 15 years. It's over.

Congratulations!!!! It takes real guts to do what you have done, but once it is in the open and shed light into this darkness, you life will never be the same. You will have someone you can talk to and someone who I hope can help and support you in your recovery. With it out the open, the major weight is lifted and you don't have to constantly hide or worry about your wife finding out. Focus on recovery and never look back at gambling again!!

Well done , MTlondon ...

It will be the hardest , best decision you ever made . There is huge relief in not having to hide anymore and now you have a true ally in the battle to overcome this addiction . That is priceless .

I highly suggest that she look into GamAnon or other support groups for family and partners of those with gambling addiction . It will help her see that firstly , she is not alone and secondly , this is a disease , not a choice . She will gain valuable insight and information that will help the both of you .

NewSunRising wrote:Well done , MTlondon ...

It will be the hardest , best decision you ever made . There is huge relief in not having to hide anymore and now you have a true ally in the battle to overcome this addiction . That is priceless .

I highly suggest that she look into GamAnon or other support groups for family and partners of those with gambling addiction . It will help her see that firstly , she is not alone and secondly , this is a disease , not a choice . She will gain valuable insight and information that will help the both of you .

Thanks bud

i know its very early days and having relapsed many times before i genuinely cant see me gambling again - i have always done a tenner bet with my dad every weekend, i have told him i'm not going to bother from now on, i feel really good about it!

Telling that one person and realizing as i spoke how seriously out of control i had got was like the worlds biggest slap across my face, anyway, i wont get to cocky, i'm sure i will get urges, but at the moment im feeling very confident.

You have taken a brilliant first step . Now is the time to make your battle plan , a solid list of options and distractions for when the urges resurface . Investigate roadblocks like limiting your access to cash and self-excluding from betting sites - put them into place while your resolve is strong . Talk to your wife about every urge and post here for support as often as you want to .

In the course of your recovery , you will learn to identify not only your gambling triggers but the positive changes that come from removing gambling from your life . There may be physical withdrawals like headaches , irritability , sleeplessness or vivid dreams about gambling .

These things will pass , as will the regret and anger over the financial losses . It truly is a new start and the past is gone . It's natural to dwell on it in the beginning , but eventually , we all have to let it go in order to move forward . You will discover self-forgiveness . You deserve that forgiveness .

Keep posting and keep fighting ! You're doing great .