Gambler's Confessional

I've been thinking about the things I did when I was still gambling and thought it might make sense to sort of "confess" some of the stuff that we did.

This came to me the other night when I left my iPad in the car and had to go out and get it around 11 o'clock. My wife was in bed so I opened the door quietly so as not to wake her and got it. It reminded me of all the times I would sneak out in the middle of the night to go to the casino. I can't imagine what my wife would think when she woke up and realized I hadn't been at home all night.

The other thing I did was go to a local convenience store to get pre-paid credit cards so I could deposit into my online accounts. I remember one night when I went back three times to re-load cards and it never dawned on me that the clerk obviously knew that I was up to something that wasn't good. Who buys $1,800 worth of pre-paid cards in the wee hours of the night?

I had on several occasions thought of going back to the casinos and continued having "fun" on the slot when my husband was snoring away zzzzzz and like youself buster1969, I can't imagine what he will think of me especially when I had never enter a casino alone without him since we married and dropped the idea.

Another fantasy I had was to take a second mortgage on our condo and gamble till our heart content. I am glad that I decided at one point before we get into trouble that it was no fun to constantly give the casino $400 per session and received $80 to $200 in return if we are lucky.

What kind of logic is that, gambling had turned into a chore and it was getting expensive to maintain. I gave up.

For me, looking back it was how extremely devious I had become. The lying was coming far too natural. For almost three years I had turned into a person I hardly recognised and really did not like.
But for me the worst thing I ever did was borrow money off my mother in law telling her a pack of lies as to why I needed it. And even though I did manage to pay her back, I still feel so guilty about it, she still doesn't know the truth, I hope she never does I'd feel so ashamed.

I used to gamble at this card club which was located right across the street from the bank that I had my account with. I remember so many times when my gambling was out of control and I walked across the street to that bank and withdrew big amounts like $1000 or $2000 or even $3000 to chase my losses. It was a bit embarrassing when the teller gave me all those hundred dollar bills, because it seemed obvious what the money was for, especially if it was my second time in the bank that day to make a withdrawl, but I didn't care, because I was so obsessed with winning my money back. It was only when I had lost so much that I realized there was no way I could win it back, that I would stop. It was always a sick feeling going home. I am glad I don't have to feel that way any more. It always started with the "innocent" thought that I would just go and try my luck with a few hundred dollars;
but it never stopped when I lost that "few hundred dollars, because I would always chase my losses.

All of the above stories I have experience of, mostly the sneaking round and lying to my girlfriend of why I had no money left. That was the worst. I was in college for most of time I was badly addicted so didnt have much money but anyting I had I gambled.
I remember so many times franticly searchin round the apartment for loose change jus so I cud kep gambling and try win all money back I had lost.
The last 2 christmasses I lost all the money on gambling I had set aside for having a nice xmass and buying presents. I lost this right before xmass aswel so these were the lowest points of my gambling addiction.
I remember looking for bets on xmass eve and xmass day trying to win money bak, the only sport available to bet on dem days were a few low level turkish cup soccer games. Very depressing times which I never wan to go back to.
I hope to stay strong and be gamble free for this xmass and have peace of mind and money for havin a nice xmass and no worries bout winin money.

Disclaimer - This is not my story but this is a story I heard from another gambler. Maybe the craziest story I've ever heard.

A person didn't want their spouse to know they gambled and had opened up new credit cards. This person also had to have some teeth pulled at the dentist. The problem was that novocaine was needed and that meant that their spouse would have to be there to drive them home. This person knew that if their spouse was there they'd see the new credit card and would find out the truth. So this person actually had teeth pulled w/o novocaine and went through what they described as excruciating pain just to keep their secret.

This person should just call Uber

rainbowcolor wrote:This person should just call Uber

Good point.

I've had many nights where I have gambled on my phone with my partner asleep next to me - before I knew it, it was daylight and the morning and I had to go to work feeling drained, sick, tired.