Must keep the secret...

Okay. I am ready to admit gambling has definitely crossed from a fun pass time to a life changing addiction.
I always knew I thought too much about slots and gambling but it wasn't a problem since we live far enough from a casino and so I only visited once or twice a year and under the watchful eye of my husband who always knew when we were done and would suggest strongly it was time to go. Of course, in the beginning I was fairly lucky and would be 5 - 10 dollars up or even.
This summer (two short months ago) I discovered online casino gambling and I am shocked at how I lost control. I have been on my computer every waking hour. I win, and get excited and then run through not only my winnings but my stake, added more and then ran through that. Over and over. Husband thinks it's cute I spend virtual money on Facebook games accounts (which I did before the internet casino got me).
Luckily I handle all the money of the household, had some savings. I don't even know how much money I have burnt through only that my personal line of credit is showing $8000 shortfall. $8000 which is not impossible to pay off over time without my hubby knowing... AS LONG AS I GET A GRIP AND STOP SLOTS COLD TURKEY.
Am I awful not embarrassing myself and confessing all? He will never let me live it down if he finds out. And I figure if it does come out before I pay it off it will be a lesser amount and I'll deal with the $#%^ then. If I stop gambling, using that credit card, and give every extra cent towards the debt in a year and a half the nightmare will have passed. But then I find myself thinking if I just log on, deposit $200 I might be able to pay off the debt sooner. I know that's sick - just chasing my tail but I miss the bells, whistles, and big win signs (that I immediately lose cause I tell myself I am on a streak.
Has anyone ever gotten themselves truly out of trouble and kept it a secret?

It will not end well. You won't be able to get through this alone because gambling is horrible, progressive disease which grows in secrecy. Tell your husband and let him help you. Yes, the first few days will be hard for you and for him but it will get better. I wasted 4 years because I thought that I can deal with it on my own and that I have a strong character. I had to hit rock bottom so many times to finally ask my family to help me and start attending GA.

I was able to stop gambling for a month or two, but I had the same thought that I could pay off debt sooner if I just deposited a couple of hundred. Now, I have reached a stage where it is no possible to pay off debt with my income. But currently I'm fully focusing on the recovery not paying off debts and it is going good.

Do not keep the secret ...This is coming from someone just like you I went from no gambling to occasional to trips and weekly visits..then online. My hubby had no idea how much I was losing ..Yes winning too( large amounts) but steadily losing ..When it finally came out I had added aprox 90 000 to our debt..Yes that much. Trying to pay it down without him knowing..(impossible) hiding banking details credit and lines of credit bills ...and that was the debt who knows how much cash I lost as well. ,,The secret was what kept me gambling desperately trying to get that big win to at least pay down a chunk so it didn't look so bad when he found out. You will get in deeper if you keep hiding it. It's not so bad now just tell him and exclude from your online accounts. I have not gambled since March 25th ..the week after I confessed ..It has been hard believe me but in the end you have to face the music. I'm sure he will forgive you and you haven't done so much damage that it can't be fixed quickly. My hubby and I will be dealing with my debt for much longer.
Good luck ..I know how you feel.

I think that is what every gambler wishes they could do.... fix this problem alone before anyone finds out. I think it is possible if the financial situation isn't that bad, but is pretty much impossible if they are in financial ruin. When you own large sums, things seems to be more desperate and you look for faster and stupider ways of trying to get the money back (like gambling). With a smaller amount, you can get away with it, but then you need to deal with the lie for the rest of your life (which many gamblers can do pretty easily since we lied so much...). However by coming clean, you put in a huge road block for falling into the same trap again and also gain accountability. I would love to say that I'd take the high road and tell my spouse in your situations, but I think I'd be too chicken and resort to doing all I can to rid myself of this problem on my own.

Welcome to the forum troopera, I hope that you heed traced's advice and take note of what she and her husband are dealing with. As gamblers we allow ourselves to believe that we're that special gambler and that we'll be the ones to hit that million to one shot. Even after crippling losses we keep believing that we'll win even though deep down we know it's not going to happen. This is what causes us to keep going back.

The funny thing is recovering is also a long shot but unlike gambling we can greatly improve our odds. Keeping our problem a secret is really just a way to let ourselves go back to betting. When we tell our loved ones it means that they'll (hopefully) hold us accountable. traced was honest with her husband and hasn't gambled since. If you try to beat the addiction on your own the door to go back will always be there but if you're honest your husband can help you beat it. More importantly, he can help you beat it before it gets much, much worse.

I'd advise you to go to him and let him know you have a problem and that you're coming to him for help. Follow up by making sure he realizes that you're serious, you can show him by finding a local GA meeting and attending regularly. I promise you that in time you'll be very glad you did.

I hate myself. I added another 500 to the line of credit today. And I had it up to 1200 and then my damn mind snapped again. I lost the whole damn thing and now I am licking my wounds. I can't believe I did it again!! I even cut up the credit card and made it more difficult to access the website but I got around myself...
How can I tell him? I hate myself already - and he has a worse temper and will hate me too. My household would crumble or he would make my life so miserable I couldn't stand him or me. Right now he has my back rather than be on my back for the next ten or more years.

I agree with all here who tell you to be honest about it. Secrecy surely makes it easy to feed this addiction. The detrimental and recurring thoughts will be that you can win it back secretly, and everything will be OK. These kinds of thoughts would be the road to disaster. Believe it.

Another way to think of it is this: You say you handle the finances in your marriage. Obviously then your husband trusts you with his and your money. If you are gambling the joint money away and not telling him, then basically you are stealing from him. How can he ever trust you again? How can you trust yourself? Another benefit of telling him, no matter how embarrassed or tough it may be for you, is that word: ACCOUNTABILITY ........... It's needed to help you quit.

TrooperA wrote:I even cut up the credit card and made it more difficult to access the website but I got around myself...

Even though we put restrictions in place, our mind can often find ways around them when we start becoming desperate. Recovery won't be perfect at first, but we need to patch up the holes that we find to make it stronger.

TrooperA wrote: My household would crumble or he would make my life so miserable I couldn't stand him or me. Right now he has my back rather than be on my back for the next ten or more years.

That is the HARDEST part that many of us have to deal with. We are too scared to tell our loves ones and worried of what MIGHT happen. Those assumptions are what hold us back. It takes tremendous courage to tell them and honestly I didn't really have it. It was after I was SOO sick of gambling that I didn't care about my well-being or any of the consequences anymore (because I thought I deserved it) that I told everyone of my family members (around 80 people). Even if they didn't need to know, I didn't care and told them. At least now, no one will ever lend me money and know some of the things I am going through. It was a huge weight off my shoulders and helped me tremendously.

TrooperA wrote:I don't even know how much money I have burnt through only that my personal line of credit is showing $8000 shortfall. $8000 which is not impossible to pay off over time without my hubby knowing... AS LONG AS I GET A GRIP AND STOP SLOTS COLD TURKEY.

TropperA, sometime fear is a good thing because it force us to pause for a moment and look at the chaos and financial damages we create while gambling. I think 8K of debt is still manageable if you are working and stop adding to it, accept that the money is gone and move on.
I hope you take step to stop this destructive habit before it get worse. I wish you all the best.

Aries411 wrote:I was SOO sick of gambling that I didn't care about my well-being or any of the consequences anymore (because I thought I deserved it) that I told everyone of my family members (around 80 people). Even if they didn't need to know, I didn't care and told them. At least now, no one will ever lend me money and know some of the things I am going through. It was a huge weight off my shoulders and helped me tremendously.

Aries411
I looked at my fingers and could not count more than one person I told my addiction to and it backfired on me. I guess I told the wrong person who is one of my good client who never do business with us again. I could not help but chuckle when you said you told around 80 family members, it really took a lot of courage and it is very well worth it if it help you to stay clean from this insidious addiction.

Hi Trooper,

I have not told my partner, and I have sizeable debt. But I am paying it off in a schedule that will steadily reduce the debt (very slowly and a long time sadly), and the monthly payments are reduced to manageable now, and interest charges etc all stopped now (so it doesn't 'grow' like it used to).

It is easy for anyone to say 'tell everyone' but there can be consequences of that which are not acceptable (losing spouse, children, house etc). It is each individual's choice in my view, whether they feel they should 'fess up so to speak, or not. Partly this should be related to whether you are dealing with the money problem well (paying it off etc) and dealing with the addiction well enough to stop losing more. Tough choice either way, it's not easy dealing with it yourself, or the consequences that may happen with the alternative. Some may post that people forgave and moved on, but I know others who did lose everything after their 'owning up' was done.