An update on a gambling addict

Hey all,

I just wanted to update you all on my nightmarish journey as a gambling addict. I've been quite low for some months now. After losing every dollar I had and continuously going back and forth to and from the casino, I had been pumping gas with quarters, dimes, nickels, and even pennies. Yes, pennies.

I took out my last and final loan available to me as a college student, and I used a bit of it to pay some of the massive amount of rent I owe to keep from being evicted. I gambled the rest and went down and back up and down, never actually winning much, but eventually lost it all.

I got a check for a hundred something dollars and with the bit of hope I had I took it to the casino and of course lost it. I was able to get someone to lend me two hundred dollars, I pulled this two hundred dollars out, and next thing you know I started hitting. I'm hitting bonuses in baccarat left and right. I go up and down but up more. I hit some bigger bonus bets, and eventually get up to about 5 thousand. The highest I actually got was to about 6400.

I lose that down to about 5 thousand and leave the casino thinking all is great and that I finally caught my big break, this time I wasn't letting it go.

I pay the person back that lent me the money, I pay off some more of the massive rent I owed and was down to about 3700 dollars now.

Then it happened, in my head I thought I should go to the casino and win that money I just used to put towards rent, and it should be easy now since I had a big bank roll. If I take just a small portion of the money, I'll be fine even if I lose, but I'm playing so well (as many gamblers believe they do when they are winning) I probably won't lose. I thought that to myself.

I bring 700 to the casino. Boom, I lose it (pulling out 100 extra on top of that from my card that I was supposed to use for something else). I go back home and grab 700 more and lose it. Now I am down to 1800. I thought to myself, how could this be? I just had 5000 dollars and now my pockets feel so low, but I'm running so bad I should just hold the 1800 I have left.

I wake up the next day thinking I can win. Oh, I forgot to mention that was actually today. I brought 700 more and lose it after many ups and downs. I go back home and grab 500 more, thinking I just need to win that 700 back because 1800 is better than nothing, I lose that, and go back home and grab 400 more. I tell myself once I win back what I woke up with today I will settle for that and leave. I lose.

So, here I am writing this post, after multiple, multiple trips to the casino and back losing 5000 of my winnings (which was actually just a small portion back of the big amount I have lost in my lifetime). Once again, I don't know what to do.

I realized one of the reasons I am sucked into gambling is because I never made much money off of any of the jobs I have had. Most of my money came from some form of wagering. I used to compete in video games for money and overall I won on that, but it was still a form of wagering, which fueled my gambling addiction. That moneymaking method is no longer an option.

Here I am writing all of this. After losing that much when I had it in my hand, I feel like an idiot, and I'm sure others would say that too, but the gamblers will understand where I'm coming from. The way I bet, I wouldn't have won that amount if I didn't, but that's also what causes me to lose.

I'm back at square one. Terrible credit, still owe a sizable amount of rent, no reliable car, no housing lined up for next month, and broke. Once again. Oh yea, and of course I feel low, and like crap, and all of that.

How you got there or how much you won is irrelevant dude as harsh as that sounds. And the way you lost it, is also irrelevant but very very harsh. That's all gambling is in afraid, harsh.

Now when I say how you lost it and how much is irrelevant, I mean in the sense it's inevitable and will always happen. Again and again and again. Its not you, it's the addiction. We've all been here countless times. People have been where you are up millions. They lose it all. How? They can't stop. THATS THE ADDICTION. NOt being able to stop no matter how much you're up. And chasing, even if you're up a lot which you were, is also the addiction. Can't accepting a loss of even $50, or even $1.

It's up to you right now whether you want to stop now or have this happen to you how many more times until you learn this is what happens. Why lose another 100k to learn? Learn now, don't ganble, and work your way up to a clean life stress free and with money.

Don't gamble in 4 weeks you will feel 100x better.


Ultimately you choose the path you want to go on.

Gamble which = destruction
Don't gamble = life and happiness


Choose. And if you gamble that's on you. You're choosing destruction. Nobody else but you.

hey how you doing? I know I would have come across as harsh, But I think if we really want to be true to ourselves and each other we can't sugar coat it. It takes brutal honesty at times to get tougher on ourselves and the situation, and realise what we're up against. I, as well as others have made all the excuses in the world. And we can keep doing that allowing ourselves to gamble, or we can stand up and hold ourselves accountable for our actions and decisions. If we don't, we will continue to get lost in a sea of despair.

We've all been where you are. A lot more people are going to be. But we have to fight and grow strength within OURSELVES if we truly want to succeed in this world.

No one can do it for us but US.