*TW* Mental breakdown , suicidal

Hi , im 19 , male from third world country.
Last year gambled away a lot of money and promised to myself I would never do it again.
After a traumatic event in my life a week ago , after year of not gambling I suddenly got urge to do it. Forgot about pain and suffering it caused earlier COMPLETELY. I still cant bealive it , it was a nightmare. Gambled away all my year long savings , maxed out cards (5000 euro) and I make 600euro a month (its a third world country , 600 euro is considered a lot of money here in Eastern Europe).
After that I got nerve breakdown , I guess im weak person. Couldnt and still cant eat or sleep. On top of that LOST my job beacuse I end up in hospital and couldnt work. My boss is heartless but its still all my fault. No more urge to gamble , but no more will to live too. Lost 20lbs last week. So weak can barely lift cup of coffe to my mouth. Afraid all the time that I will do it again. I think I have strenght for ONE LAST BATTLE , but if I ever relapse AGAIN , I WILL end myself out of this suffering. Help please , so tired of crying

It's always toughest to see clearly when we're at our lowest. You have to believe me when I tell you that things will get better pretty quickly if you stop gambling. Take away the crutch of gambling by self-excluding and give yourself a break.

Insomnia I am really sorry you are feeling like this because of gambling. I am sure many of us on here have felt so desperate about our addiction that we have had thoughts of suicide, I know I have. But life is so very precious and here you have an opportunity to start your recovery again. Buster is right, once you have committed yourself to no more gambling, you will feel you have some control and you will start to feel better. Let us know how you are doing. I am wishing you all the strength you need to beat this.