Gambling addiction

So I joined a couple sites. Slots online is what I am addicted to but after so many wins I went back for more...Why? I have no idea it feels like there's a demon inside me and I can't control it. That or I got too greedy. I still have quite a bit of my winnings in my bank account so that's fine. I am not touching that. So I hope not. But I did a silly thing and put £70 online and said to myself this is the last deposit and then I won £800 then I kept playing and won £3000. You would think I would walk away but no I lose it all. then I lose another £2000 because I wanted it all back. I just feel so stupid and upset. I keep saying to myself it was not my money anyway. I still have the other £2500 I won in my bank. I just don't want to feel low and I don't want to gamble ever again. I have not slept much and I look so tired and unwell. Few years ago I did a bit of gambling now and again,nothing to make me too depressed. But it's this week that I had some huge wins. I could of had that £5000 in my account but no I got greedy. I am never greedy with anything else but when it comes to money online then I guess I did. I just want to feel normal again and happy.

I hate to say it, but it seems to me that you are not at the stage yet where you are going to quit for good. Sure, I know you feel silly and sorry and all that, but due to all your references to all your winnings, I'm afraid you are going back. Of course I don't wish that on anybody, but that's just the general progression of this addiction. I hope I'm wrong and you come back months from now and tell us you've really quit. I wish someone could've said something to me to make me stop forever when I was at your stage of the addiction.

It is a tactic of this addiction to justify itself - in your case , it's telling you that you're not really losing anything because it was "free money" , or as you said " It's not your money anyway " .

Another tactic is to justify your losses by convincing you that you broke some imaginary "rule" - you stayed too long , you bet too high , you didn't set a limit , you went too often . If you just do this/that/the other thing - next time , you'll walk away with your winnings .

All of this is the way the addiction grows and feeds itself . In a very short period of time , no amount of money will be enough to walk away with . The money becomes meaningless pieces of paper to feed into the machine in order to keep it running while we sit hypnotized in front of it .

Right now , you are feeding it with what it gave you but when that runs out , it will still demand to be fed and it doesn't care where the money comes from . Because if we don't feed it , it will die . Like a living thing , it will fight back if it believes its existence is in jeopardy . That voice in your head telling you all the reasons why it's OK to keep gambling is the voice of the addiction , fighting for its survival .

I hope to make you understand what you are up against . This thing will take over and ruin your life even as it is convincing you that it's fun and harmless and controllable . It's all lies .

Save yourself a world of pain . Stop now , and don't go back . Recognize how the addiction will say anything to lure you back to gambling . It's a trap and once we're in it , it's a nightmare to try and get out of it .

Hi thank you for your comments. I have not been on any site for over 24 hours which is good for me. I hope it continues and I never do. I have closed the accounts requesting by email. Course I still feel bad about even joining the sites but I had some sleep. I did have a nightmare about gambling? I can't believe I dreamt it. A person should not dream about it. Anyway I will update on how it goes. I do believe in myself that I won't do it.

Well done on your first 24 hours , SillyGambler !

Dreams about gambling are not uncommon . This is a disease that fights back . It wants to keep itself alive .

If you haven't already , please look at our Strategies thread at the top of the forum . It is crucial to have a plan to deal with the gambling urges . Closing your accounts is a great first step . Self-excluding from them is even better . And if you really want a powerful weapon , site blocking software on your computer and devices is priceless .

You can always join us in the Gift of 24 hours thread too . I think it's empowering to see our commitment to staying gamble-free written out in front of us and I'll be happy to join you in another 24 hours of no gambling .

Just an update: I have no gambled yet and hope not to. I have not had the urge to make any other accounts or to gamble. The first two days after the post I felt down. Had a good think about life. I have everything,a home,a beautiful daughter and a great boyfriend. There really is no need to gamble or loose money. Yes I won a bit of money and lost quite a bit of it but I will get over it. I don't want to feel the way I did last week.

We'll done sillygambler, keep reminding yourself how you felt after your online gambling sessions. This was my poison too, and I say after because to be honest when I was playing those dumb rigged slots, I was just in a zone, only when the money ran out and I disengaged did the horror self loathing and remorse kick in.

SillyGambler wrote:I could of had that £5000 in my account but no I got greedy. I am never greedy with anything else but when it comes to money online then I guess I did. I just want to feel normal again and happy.

Buddhism says that when we win with gambling, we, on some level, carry guilt for taking someone else's money. I think that is where the urge to "keep playing" comes from, rather than naked greed. We want to discharge the money, because we recognize, unconsciously, that it is ill-gotten. Gambling is "grab it; release it; grab, release, grab, release" . . . on and on. The pursuit seems motivated, ultimately, to take up one's time on earth -- zone out rather than live.

Hi...I'm have been a problematic gambler for many years. Tried to quit many times, but now I
won't be gambling anymore.

To be frank SillyGambler, I have been in your situation before. You have to take measures to prevent yourself from "falling deeper" into the gambling trap.

The greed will always be there for gamblers. The only exception is for those in the "controlled group".
And you are definitely not in that group where you can control your gamble. The reason you posted here says a lot.

A few measures you can take:
1. Give control of the money to someone you can trust.
2. Self exclude from all form of gambling including the online. Use block software or methods to prevent you from going back.
3. Seek divine help (God) to heal you and cure you. Everyday.
4. Remember there is no shortcut in life to make money, especially from Gambling. Gamblers always lose in the long run.

Take care and keep posting here your updates. You will get more friendly advise.

Regards.