Changing my approach to recovery

Thanks for your post, Buster. I long for the sense of normalcy that you feel in your life. I wish it all happened a lot quicker, but I'll learn to be patient.

Today, July 1, is Canada Day and a special one because it's our 150th birthday. It has been a wonderful day enjoyed with my family. At midday, my husband, my dog and I took a drive to the lake to watch all the festivities being put on by our town. It was rainy but everyone was decked our in red and white with flags and hats and all manner of paraphenalia and you could feel the pride and joy in the air. Later, we took our two young men to our favorite Chinese buffet and I ate so much seafood, bread pudding and creme caramel that I thought I would burst.

Afterwards, my husband and I drove to the evening's festivities, which unfortunately was being held at the local race track and casino. We didn't park close to it. A large farmer's field separated us from the building. We parked on the edge of the field with hundreds of other people, waiting for the fireworks. And it was SO worth the wait. What a show. It was the most spectacular fireworks display I've ever seen, with waterfalls, flowers, stars, pinwheels. It was truly something. While we were waiting, we searched the sky for various constellations which slowly appeared as the sky darkened. I saw the clearest version of the Big Dipper that I've ever seen too. What a day!!

There were moments when I thought about the people in the casino, most likely stuck to their machines with music and bells so loud it drowned out the fireworks and joy outside. I can honestly say I didn't miss it tonight.

Just one more day free of gambling -- and just fleeting thoughts popping in and out of my mind. I can't wait for the days when I have no thoughts at all.

TSL

Happy Canada Day TSL !

It sounds like a wonderful outing . There is so much in life to enjoy , experience and treasure . Being trapped in a gambling addiction is like being locked in a box and telling ourselves it's fun .

60 days of recovery has already removed the blinders from your eyes . Enjoy those brilliant colors and joyous moments . You will have more and more of them now that you have fought your way out of the box .

Hi NSR: Thanks for your post and your clear perspective. As I usually do after a slip, I dial back to Day 1 and forget about the 60 days of clean time. That's a real bummer and it tends to make me feel down. Reading your post made me realize that I had one slight slip and I kept going. While I know I had to go back to day 1, it doesn't diminish the work I've done completely. I've been wondering why I haven't been having those tsunami urges that I had over the 60 days. Your post made me realize that my hard work was paying off, rather than being flushed down the toilet.

Make no mistake, I am not making light of that slip. However, I'm taking the advice from people here and forgiving myself. It's a lot more productive than spending days hating myself even more than I already do.

So, this long weekend has being wonderful. While I am under enormous financial strain from being unemployed for so long, I am counting my blessings that I am not gambling. That would have taken us down for certain. I have been hiding my head in the sand regarding my finances, but I have made up my mind that this week, I will list all my bills, contact creditors to make arrangements where necessary and search HARD for work.

I have many appointments and much to do with school prep for my boys, but I have to prioritize and my job search is job one.

Today was the last day of the long weekend and I spent it doing yard work and playing baseball with my 4 and 5 year old neighbors. Let me tell you, I felt every hour of inactivity I spent sitting pushing buttons for months on end. I felt like I had a bag of wet cement strapped to each leg while trying to run a marathon. Holy cow!!!! I am in BAD shape. Another goal to reverse the negative effects of gambling.

Ok ...enough yabbering for now. Another day gambling free!!!

TSL

TSL, I found not placing that first bet is key to my recovery and with all the time I have now, I am more relaxed and cook nicer and more healthy food too.

Have a nice day everyone, I appreciate your presence very much..

Thanks for your post, Rainbowcolor and good on you for your clean time!!

Today was another gamble free day and I'm feeling pretty good. Got my hair done , met with my gambling counsellor, had a lovely walk. My counsellor thinks she sees a shift in me since I've had that slip. For the 60 days of white knuckling, she saw desperation, fear, and counting days through gritted teeth. Now she says, she feels like I've moved from merely surviving to starting to live again. I feel the same way. I only wish I could land a dream job in the next month -- that would really get me moving forward again.

TSL

Early hours of Sunday morning and have had such a good last few days. On Thursday night, met with some old colleagues and friends at a pub and then went to a baseball game. WHAT a blast!!! I cheered and clapped and chair danced for the entire 3.5 hours. We laughed and caught up and enjoyed every single moment. My team won which made it even better.

On Saturday, on a whim, I drove an hour to see my best friend in the world. We sat outside in the gorgeous sunshine with hors d'oeuvres and drinks. Spent all evening yakking about every little thing and solving the problems of the world. I'm home now and so grateful that I'm starting to enjoy normal things again.

I can say with honesty that I haven't had any major urges for the whole week. Thoughts have popped in and out of my head in seconds. What a relief!!! Compared to the two months prior I feel so much lighter ... unburdened. It helps greatly that my counselor called the casino that I frequent to put them on alert to my trespassing, so I simply will not take a chance on it.

Hope everyone else is enjoying a gamble free weekend too.

TSL

I'm glad you had such a great weekend and I am especially happy that the urges have started to weaken .

You are doing so brilliantly ! Every gamble-free day is making you stronger .

TSL, glad to hear that you are living the good life without gambling which used to permeate our lives and was bad for us in so many ways. When I was actively gambling, nothing counts or matters all I wanted to do was sat in front of the machine wasting away, what a pathetic life.

Yesterday, my husband and I went to the dog park and had a good time. Normally we would only go on a weekday as parking was double on Sunday but since we stop gambling, it became easier to spend money on ourselves.