Looking to help someone - but how?

I'm reaching out to look for advice on how to help someone who is totally entrenched in their gambling addiction.

Some background - this individual is 32 years old, a male and a family member. He is one of the types who has - so far - been able to keep it seperately from his work, so it hasn't impacted his job yet. But when he gambles, he does it aggressively and usually on the weekends or after work. Some casino, but mostly horse racing and sports. He has been gambling since he was 17 and I would estimate probably at least $300,000 lost during that time. This guy is extremely intelligent and very focused - which is why I think he can keep it seperate from his work. But when he gambles, it's even to a level that I never went to.

The main issue is his personality - stubborn to the point he won't listen to any advice, even gets aggressive and dismissive when you try and bring up the subject. Not even remotely close to admitting he has a problem, in fact he is so stubborn I'm not even sure he would admit he had a problem even if he was homeless and penniless. The sort of guy you basically just can't reason with - especially when he is in the 'trance'.

Anyone have any experience being able to get through to someone like this? Where do you start? My own situation and the advice I give on here and other forums is based on my own personal experience - but the people here (most of them) actually want to be helped and admit they have a problem. Is it possible to help someone who isn't at that stage yet? Maybe it will take him another $300k or some rock bottom event, but I'm concerned he may end up in a serious situation and do some permanent damage or worse damage someone elses life.

Oh man... Stuborn and not willing to admit they have a problem.... thats a tough one..

As you know, the first step for the gambler is to always admit that they have a problem and want to do something about it... By the way you described them, it seems like they might never admit it unless something drastic happens (bankruptcy, divorce (if married), trouble with law). They probably wouldn't listen to any advice and GA won't help if they were forced into it.

The only thing I can think of is something like an intervention or a SERIOUS heart to heart conversion where all the feelings are open a put on the table.

movingon2014 wrote:The main issue is his personality - stubborn to the point he won't listen to any advice, even gets aggressive and dismissive when you try and bring up the subject. Not even remotely close to admitting he has a problem, in fact he is so stubborn I'm not even sure he would admit he had a problem even if he was homeless and penniless. The sort of guy you basically just can't reason with - especially when he is in the 'trance'.

An intervention may have a chance - if nothing else , it may make him aware that he's the only one who doesn't think he has a problem . But it comes with a risk of alienating him further if he's that far in denial .

Short story : When I was young , I took EMT classes . One of the basics was the Heimlich maneuver . Our instructor told us that people who are choking will sometimes panic and fight off anyone who is trying to help them . We asked what we should do if a choking person was being combative .

She said " Nothing . In a few minutes , they will run out of air and lose consciousness . Then you can help them ."

That scenario isn't all that different from what you are facing with this person . That depth of denial is very , very hard to break through . I'm sorry MovingOn , but there are some people that we cannot do anything for except to let them know we'll be there for them if they ever need us .

I have a similar situation with somebody. I think an intervention would be great but it's hard to put together and the downside of alienation isn't good. What I've tried to do is address it without addressing it. I'll just make comments about how horrible things were when I gambled and how much happier I am now but I never even bring up the fact that they gamble, I kind of ignore it. So far they haven't heard me but I hope that subliminally they've taken note of what I've said and when they finally realize they need help they'll call me.

I have heard GAM-ANON is supportive for families of gamblers. Maybe you should check that out.
Basically, seems to me no one can stop a gambler except himself. He's got to admit he has a problem and want to do something about it himself.