I've made my wife think I'm cheating...

I'm 27 years old and told myself I'd stop gambling once I was married. I’ve been married for 8 months and now find myself hiding my addiction more than ever. To set the scene I live within two miles of two casino, not a great combination for a gambling addict. I leave the house early to stop in before work & I say I’m working late when I want to play after work. I leave the house to run errands at odd times and find myself sneaking around a lot.

I was up front when we first met 3 years ago and told her gambling was something I struggled with in the past and she was supportive and I was motivated to stay away. I almost made it a year and things were great until I thought I could handle the low limit poker tourneys at the local bars. Flash forward 2 years (and over $100,000 in taxable wins) I find myself secretly taking out a $10,000 personal loan to pay off my hidden debts.

Over the last 2 months I’ve had plenty of cash to pay off that loan but never put it in the bank. Yesterday morning before work I had $8,000 in jackpot wins on electronic roulette. Yesterday evening after work I put $9,200 back into the same machine… and when I got home I was short and rude to my wife. Normally I’m an outgoing, happy, entertaining person but when I lose, it’s obvious there’s something going on. With all the sneaking around, odd work hours, and odd explanations to questions my wife thinks I’m cheating on her and hell I feel as if I am. Sometimes I even think it would be better that than the gambling, I imagine it would be easier to stop.

I know it’s pathetic to not just tell her I’m struggling again. I know she would be supportive, pissed, but still supportive. Instead I keep her in the dark wondering what SHE did wrong... She’s an angel, the greatest thing in my life. I should have all the motivation I need right there, but I continue to try and beat the odds. I need to stop before I end up even more out of control than I already am.

I’ve thought to myself I guess now I’ll just stop once I have kids…. but I’m afraid that will turn into something else and then something else and then something else. It’s always one more bet, one more trip to the casino, one more poker tournament before I stop... I watched a YouTube video once about addiction and they talked about how addictions are like playing tug-a-war and you just need to “drop the rope”. Well today I am dropping the rope and I hope this forum helps me get to where I can eventually be honest with my wife and myself.

Thank you to whoever ends up reading this and thank you to everyone for all of your posts. I look forward to reading more stories and learning tips on how to live a life away from the crazy ups and downs of gambling. And also thank you to the volunteers that run this page, what a great tool to connect people and communicate in a positive manner about the real struggles, I now realize so many of us struggle with.

Hi WG and welcome, I am guessing a lot of people can relate your story. I think you need to tell your wife. I know it's hard, I eventually had to tell my husband about my gambling and the horrendous financial mess I had got us into. We've been married a long time with grown up children and grandchildren, even so it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But if I hadn't done it I know 100% that I would still be gambling. Now I can't because he is in charge of my finances and I can't tell you how motivational my accountability to him is. I made him a promise and I intend to keep it, I can't let him down like that again. Tell your wife and let her help you.

as you said - you are cheating on your wife.

you are also cheating, possibly killing your future happiness

how did it feel to go to work that am after "winning" 8K? felt a bit high I bet, bet making a few $100 for the days work didn't do it for you.... and wow needed to get right back to keep it going. I am the same way. I don't stop. I am a gambling addict too

If you look at this as an addiction, and take it seriously as you would if you had a bad drug addiction you have a chance to recover. No cure, but you don't have to keep living this way.

Go to GA

Your wife should go to GAMANON (for family /spouses of gamblers)

the longer you try to hid this, the worse it is going to get
She is going to know. end the misery sooner than later and save yourself and her A LOT more heartache.

uskat said it before I did: Your wife is right; you ARE cheating.....only not with another woman...

Your secrecy is destroying what trust is left in your marriage, and obviously, your gambling is killing your family's financial future....... I agree with the others; you had BETTER be honest and tell your wife....
You should see that you are not only losing your money, but your wife's as well.....

Finally, I hate to say this, but, with your addiction, you had better not have kids unless you are
110% sure you will never gamble again......having kids with this addiction in place is even more irresponsible......'

Go to GA and have your wife go to Gam-Anon, just as uskat suggested.....

Welcome to the forum, Wisconsin Guy. I am sorry that you are going through this horrible addiction.

The truth is that ultimately only you can really stop this behavior. It is your decision.You have to want it more than anything. For me to quit, I had to get to the point where I found gambling pointless.

If indeed you are really wanting to quit, then take the steps. Self-exclude from the casino. If you are not at that point, mentally, if you do not feel ready to quit yet, and part of you still wants to try your luck gambling, then it is really important to tell your wife. Let her make the conscious choice to live with a gambler or not.