BIGGEST LOSER

I have been hooked on gambling since my early twenties. I am now 61 with nothing to show for myself. It is very sad. I have refinanced my condo three times and don't have a savings of retirement. I think I have always been in bad relationships with men. I have to stop very soon or I will be out on the street. I have had friends who stopped associating with me when I told them I had a gambling problem. Even though I never stole from anyone or asked anyone for a dime. I have gone to GA and never got anything out of it and felt out of place. I live in a community where there is a video cafe on every corner within a mile radius of where I live and work. I keep going back. Knowing they have taken everything I own. I want to call my bank and get a fifty dollar cash out limit per day as of now it may help. My brother knows a little and he told me I am only lying to myself if I continue to gamble. I want to start walking as I did enjoy it 20 years ago. I also blocked my long distance boyfriend who lives in Florida and is a ex alcoholic. We started communicating after he broke up with another woman from Illinois. He truly treats me like crap. He lives in Florida and I live in Illinois. The relationship from hell. I truly care for him but he puts every other woman before me. I told him about my gambling and he acted like nothing. I honestly don't think anyone cares since it is not their life or money. I want to make tomorrow my day 1. As I seem to make everyday my day 1. I hope to participate more in this forum and not give up like I did before. I ruined Easter for myself but will try and make the best of it. My prayers Bout stopping gambling do not seem to work. I wonder if God hears my cry. I am really a screw up and hope I can do a 180 and get my life back. I'm thankful I have a job an old car tons of bills and still alive. This disease has to be one of the most insidious diseases I have ever had. God Bless everyone on this forum.

Hi Lora and welcome
I can understand how upset and disappointments in relationships and in life in general can just perpetuate the gambling. You mentioned putting a limit on your cash withdrawals' this is a start. Is self exclusion an option in the places you visit?
I hope very much that today can be your day one and the start of your journey to being gamble free. You are right in your assessment, this addiction is truly horrible, dark and secretive and completely soul destroying.

There are people who care about you, you just don't realize it because of the addiction. I know that people here will help as well and we all look forward to seeing you recover successfully.

Have some faith that things will get better fairly quickly if you would just stop gambling. I'd recommend going back to GA but you should tell them about your feelings. I've been to some meetings that are better than others. If a new person or a person who is struggling with urges is at a meeting they should be the focus of the meeting, not the people who have multiple years since their last bet. Let them know that you need help right now and somebody will step up. Get their phone list and use it, just having somebody who understands what you're going through available to chat will get you over the hump.

As for your relationship problems, I'd guess that once you get the gambling problem sorted out your confidence will increase and you won't have the problems anymore.

I had a horrible Easter the pain is going away. I'm going to push myself. I want to make this work. Do I hate myself to lose everything. I don't know. Thank you all for the kind words.

Please have faith. I feel your pain I too have gambled all my savings and down to the last dollar. Try to go back to a gA meeting you may find you get something out of it if you keep going back. I do believe as an addict not everyone will support you and understand but members of GA do. Keep coming back to this site aswell. All the best.

Welcome, Lora.

Consider that gambling is a substitute for other connections. Try to make those other connections.

Gambling is basically a form of distraction. Find out what you are trying to distract yourself from.

I wish you 24 hours of no gambling.

Hello Lora. Well, we are here with you! I think you should go to GA meeting again and tell what you feel. People there won't judge you, believe me. Doesn't matter how i feel - bad, very bad, good I'm going to GA meeting. Cause maybe today new member comes and he needs my help as I needed when i started my gambling free journey 16 months ago.. wish you luck and strenght!