maybe..." it is what it is....."

I can relate to you not being the person you once were Bellamia. At the height of my addiction it was as though the outside of me was just the same, I interacted with family with friends with neighbours in the village. But inside! It was like some she devil was in my brain, I felt very depersonalised and detached, 99% of my brain was just doing sums and calculations getting irritable because it just wanted to gamble again. But I was still in there and I clawed my way back to the controls. Now at nearly 260 GF days, that beast is now the one locked up and slammed down in the back of my brain, and I have hopefully thrown away the key. I am sure you can return to the person you used to be. it takes time and hard work but it's definitely dooabl.