How sick is this ?

Gambled all night in bed with husband asleep beside me sweat pouring off me desperate to recoup losses anyone else do this ?.
Change screen if husband stirs so he does not see. How sly. Once I feel so tired become worse even less rational. Gamble online in same room if he asks I say looking at YouTube.
Can not think will try again tomorrow have to keep going until forced to quit.
Spoke to councillor on phone but I know what to do just seem to keep failing.
Hate the numerous adverts for casinos on the tv makes my stomach lurch.
I need to turn from being a loser not in the gambling sense to a person I would like again.
Have even had the feeling when on a all nighter when lost all at least I can sleep now.
I am one of the worst gambling addicts you could be.
I am selfish and crave the solution now when of course saving your way out takes time.
My husband bailed me out once when I told him on a previous occasion found that too easy.
Any raise I get thinking more money to gamble never thing more money to put towards something worth having. Sorry for going on but feels good to list all the things ruining my life.

I wait until mine goes to bed turn it down low and gamble.....staying up way to late when I have to work...He wonders what I'm up too ..I know...He would be so pissed. rightfully so.
I replied to your message.

just 10 days ago... i laid in bed on my phone reading some football forums, my partner next to me, kisses me goodnight, i wait till she is asleep - i dim my screen light, then i log on to internet gambling site, i deposit £100 - won loads in the casino! on such a high, i then dabble inbetween with in play tennis and football, the wait was too long, i went back to the casino... win win win.. all the time...from £100 i am now around £800! YESSSS! ... I continue playing...'play to a £1000 or down to £500 and take! ' .. i will i say to myself.. i hit the £1000! 'WOW, WHAT A BUZZ, I SHALL TAKE IT RIGHT ?'' 'NAHH carry on playing, why not? i started on a £100 anyway right..' i carry on.... lose a little, win a little, lose a little, win! ...all of a sudden... i noticed day light and hear birds tweeping.. i have been playing for 8 hours?! I have work in 2 hours! i have not slept.... but its ok... i am up over £1000...
suddenly my partner wakes, ###$ ! ok, i pretend to wake up myself... i tell her i dont feel well.. i book the day off work... she leaves the house for her job... i am tired, i feel sick, i have over £1000 to play with.. or should i just take it out ? ... ''nah, play on... lose, lose, lose.... - i lose everything'
sick, tired, day off work.. all for what ?

never again.

Day 6

Garry1234 wrote:
I am one of the worst gambling addicts you could be.
I am selfish and crave the solution now when of course saving your way out takes time.
.

Hi Garry1234, you are not the worst gambling addicts you could be, this is what addiction does to us. When I was actively gambling I could not even look at myself in the mirror. I have turn into someone I am not proud of and decided that it was time to stop this destructive activity before it start to consume me further.

The money part is the easiest to solve once you stop gambling but the shame and guilt will take some work but it is all worth it, for yourself and husband.

MTlondon
We cannot win because we cannot stop. I felt that any win we have is only temporary before we put everything back again. Let's not waste any time with this silly nonsense and have a good life.