I've really ****** up this time!

I know this mindset well and so do you, the questions and going over things in your mind. I know it feels crap but look at it this way, had you won it's just more motivation to continue so you can use your loss as a positive. Any time you are in the gambling mode think about that 11k. Your never gonna beat the house so if it wasn't the 11k that day it would be the 11k plus the next. The hardest part for me (and I'm in the very early stage of quitting) is what do I replace the only thing I've known for years with to stop my bad day, negative thoughts etc turning into a bet. For me I am trying, go out with no cards, money or phone and reflect on life and what it is and could be. We have messed up but life is not over, there is time to be the person you want. Don't forget that people make mistakes!!