I gave in again....

I was doing well this week avoided online slots all week...then gave in slow work week went to the new casino in our city twice lost another 3000 in total...off of credit...horrible just add it to the mountain of debt ..also that triggered me to go online again desperate to win some....of course I didn't. I feel sick...I chase when I lose and make things so much worse. I had no business going at all..honestly I don't even enjoy it... I just have so much pressure with the hidden debt from hubby..He would go ballistic if he knew...and He will find out sooner or later no doubt. I have to commit to stop face the music and walk away from hope of winning a good chunk back..It's all the times I did win that spurs this on and sometimes I won a lot. ..but I know I wouldn't be in this mess if I hadn't gambled in the 1st place. Thanks for reading. I'm going to try and start fresh tomorrow.

Hi Traced I am sorry you are in the midst of this crazy ridiculous addiction. I think you really have to self exclude from both the casino and the online sites. You have to build up your defences and self exclusion is a massively important wall you can build. The minute you accept that you will never win at gambling and that your debts will only increase if you try, you can then start to pay off what you owe. You need your life back, become the person you were before you started gambling. At 176 days GF I am feeling like my old self and I don't need gambling in my life! It's not an easy journey but you can do it! Commit to a GF life as from today, I wish you well.

Before you think about gambling, you must tell yourself that YOU WILL LOSE. So what if you may win 1 out of 15 times, you will go again and lose your winnings and then lose some more. Do not kid yourself, we all here have told ourselves that if we go one more time and win we will stop.... this never happens. We will all go again and lose all our winnings, and then extra. Everyone of my longer than 2 months away from gambling was due to a huge loss, never from a win. I am well over 1 year sober and hope to continue that by always telling myself this. You need to Stop now and eat your losses, think of this as an expensive lessen but will save you money, and more importantly your family.

Oh, and that urge or feeling you get that goes something like " this is my lucky day", or " I have a feeling I'm going to win today", yeah your not special.... no one is, we all get that same "this is our day", "Just 1 more time and I will stop for good... I promise", " I'm only going to play $20", and that's why we're all here trying to cope with this disease.

No one can stop you except for yourself. You may feel bad now saying you will go no more simply to make yourself feel better because of this painful loss, but in a few days, weeks or when you get paid or when this pain fades that's when the real test begins.

Please go to school off of all of our mistakes. Best wishes.

You need to tell your husband. The longer it stays hidden the more you'll want to keep gambling to win it back.

Prologx
Thanks your response helped me too. Helped me to remember the reality.

prologx wrote:Before you think about gambling, you must tell yourself that YOU WILL LOSE. So what if you may win 1 out of 15 times, you will go again and lose your winnings and then lose some more.

That was my mantra all weekend. I did it! I stayed home and watched netflix. Kept saying "I wont ever win what I have lost" and didn't want to add to my losses. A daily battle.

You can do this!

Great support posted here!

It's not that we don't win, it's that we don't stop.

and buster's advice -- reveal your secrets -- I think some of us don't want to a) because it will be a painful experience but more so b) because we may be able to keep gambling because the secrets are still hidden.

I was lamenting my urges lately. Been gamble free for 10 months (over a year w/ 1 relapse) -- and why do the whispers still come to my mind.

The missing it. The craving. The yearning. It's all bs. I logically know that, but boy I just want to go so bad sometimes and get lost in the gambling. Want to take in the high of getting there, walking in, smells, lights, music, dark corners.

But this is true addiction.

What I think I love most, what I crave the most wants to kill me.

That is sick. And I think it is the things all addictions are made of. Be it drugs, alcohol, gamble, all addicts while in addiction put this destructive love highest on list.

Working program. Going to meeting.

Want to change and get release again from this illusion.