I relapsed again guys, please read this

I relapsed again. I went to a GA meeting last week, but even after that I went back to the casino twice and it hasn't even been 5 days since the meeting. I lost everything else I had left which wasn't much. I even had a sibling send money to my bank and lied to her to receive the money. It wasn't much but it felt like crap doing it.

I am about to pour it all out.

Right now I may be facing trouble with the law soon. I am waiting to see what happens with that. I made some poor decisions to feed my gambling habit and may have to face the music soon. I will not post specifics because I do not want to incriminate myself. Actually, forget it, I might as well. I found a way to overdraw my bank account by thousands, lost the money, and have no way to pay it back. The method I used to pull thousands out of my bank may land me in jail soon.

I have dug myself into massive debt. I am in debt with school and credit cards for about $50,000 - $70,000. I am in debt with people about $20,000. I have had more than 3 bank accounts closed and only have one left.

I have less than $100 dollars to my name right now.

None of the jobs I applied to have contacted me back. I am at rock bottom right now. I don't know what to do? I have little to no options left. I don't feel like living anymore. I am at the bottom of the bottom. I thought I faced this hell already and went through it and overcame it when I started going to meetings years ago and was able to escape it. But no, the addiction came back, and it's stronger than ever. A friend of mine went to the casino a few hours ago and asked me if I wanted to go and I said yea. I can't blame him because I introduced him and convinced him to go to the casino the first time he went. I don't even know if I have overcome this addiction yet so who's to say I won't go again to chase my losses if I get money.

I don't have the money for rent so I have no idea what I am going to do. I might get kicked out when rent is due and I may have to drop out of school. But heck with that, school won't matter nor will my career if I am losing everything I am working for.

I have no idea what to do? Is there light at the end of this tunnel? Is the light me no longer being alive? I feel like the debt is so deep at this point there is nothing I can do to get rid of it. I have bad credit so I can't even buy a house or a car if I desire.

On top of that, I think I have a mood disorder or some psychological disorder that is contributing to driving my addiction. I don't have many close friends if any. The few I have are slowly being pushed away due to my addiction. I am no longer close with my family, other than the times we see each other or interact over the phone we rarely see each other. We still support each other, but I feel so distant. I don't have a significant other. I am all alone and feel I have nothing left.

What do I do? Should I continue to live? I genuinely do not feel like living anymore. I am losing it as I am here at home. The options are so few. How can I recover from this, financially, emotionally, spiritually, and addiction wise? I don't know what to do. I am at rock bottom.

Hi Badluckleavesmebroke

Don't give up. There is light at the end of the tunnel. There are many on here who have been in positions that may have seemed just as hopeless as yours does to you and have come through it.

The best advice I can give is to make a plan. Sit down and write out what the problems are and what solutions you can think of to fix them.

Go back to the meetings. You need to have that support. Commit to staying gambling free. The only thing gambling will give you is more debt.

Start with things you can do this week. Have you called the bank the talk to someone to work out paying them back? Sometimes the fear of what is going to happen is much worse than what actually does. If you reach out and tell them you do want to work out a solution, they may be receptive and not press charges.

Take any job to start with, even if it's minimum wage. Any money is better than none.

Are you in the US? If so, try finding a local nonprofit credit counseling agency that can help. They can stop the debt collection, and work with you creditors to lower interest rates. I did this and am close to being having all my credit card debt paid off.

You can turn things around and have a happier life. I've done, many on here have done it, and so can you.

Gblrmomnomore has given you phenomenal advice.

First off, I want to echo going to Gambler's Anonymous meetings. Go to as MANY meetings as possible. If you are someone who having that difficult of a battle with the addiction, I think you should be going to TWO meetings a week MINIMUM. There's nothing wrong with that. I attended Gambler's Anonymous meetings in my city, and one of the members was attending three meetings a week. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, in fact, he served as one of the leaders of our group and was a strong resource for new members.

Second, I think calling the bank is a great idea as Gblrmomnomore suggested. Be transparent, tell them you have a gambling addiction.

There are debt consolidation companies, and debt counseling services out there. I don't know much about them, but I think you should start doing research.

I just want to stress I know this is a low point, but there is and will be a light at the end of the tunnel. I am glad you decided to come back to this forum, and just know that we will do our best to support you. Many of us are very similar to you in so many ways. I'm still in recovery myself, and know the struggle...

I agree with all the responses stated above, but you need to call your bank RIGHT AWAY. If they find out themselves they will handle it differently than when you come clean. They will probably offer you a payoff plan, without even having to mention what happened to the money. They want to handle it internally so don't worry about going to jail or something please, it is not good for your sanity.

Absolutely try to stay in school, talk with them as well. They will be really helpful and can offer you help. Maybe your school/university has a in house Psychologist which can help you with your emotional stability and other problems?

You are young, the banks are generally more generous with payoff plans for us young people. I have done it myself and they gave me plenty of time and most of all peace of mind, which we need to focus on our addiction. The more clouded we are with worrying about the the damages caused by the addiction, the less we focus on the root of the problem.

I know you are afraid, but just CALL (bank,school, cc company) and you will see that things will be alright and you can get back at focussing on the addiction and school. If you continue to live in fear you will fall under the weight of your own shoulder sooner or later.

I would like to add that you don't really have a financial problem. If you quit gambling that will sort itself out and you'll be shocked how easy it is. What you have is a self-control problem and judging by your comments you don't currently have the capabilities to work it out. The only thing that will work is making drastic changes, the kinds of changes that you're scared to make. Self-exclude, declare bankruptcy, check yourself into a facility but don't harm yourself. Once you get back on solid footing you'll see things more clearly and you'll be able to beat this.

Also, I would recommend utilizing any resources your school may offer. Colleges/universities have different resources such as counseling. You need to be going to GA meetings, as well as potentially counseling meetings in order to get back to where you need for success.

It's never too late. I was 85,000 in debt while I was in college. I graduated landed a job, and was able to work my way out of debt. The most important thing is You must stop gambling. Next come clean, talk with the banks and whomever you need to but come clean. We've all done this hundreds of times, saying that we will stop gambling only to do it again months or years later. The odds never change, we will end up losing and be in this same mess. The casinos will never lose, they need to pay for their electricity bills, property taxes, the building, the waitresses, the dealers, the pit bosses, the engineers, the janitors, the cooks, the managers and on top of that they have to make a profit. No one wins in the long term, otherwise they can't afford to pay for all these expenses and then make a profit. Never forget that. You will never win in the long term. You've proved it, we all proved it. No one wins Never!!!

Hello Badluckleavesmebroke! I am in the same boat with you. I feel so helpless. Ive been to myriad of rock bottoms and surely it's not something I would wish for to anybody. "Will this ever end?" This question lingers my mind. I guess as long as we are still alive, there is always a way out.
Let us be strong, we can surpass this.