I thought about it at 2am last night

I am out of money right now, so I thought hey I know I have free play, cause I just quit gambling 15 days ago. I thought I cant lose, cause I'd be playing with house money, I'm broke so I might as well try to get some money. These were my original thoughts. Then I thought, if I go I will break my resolution. I will get gambling back into my activities and would be more likely to go when I do have money. I am cleaning my brain and I don't want to dirty it up again and start all over. I stayed home and did not go to the casino. Thank God I showed some restraint and discipline. Eventually, my finances will improve. I will continue to apply for better jobs and let my mind be clearer to do so.
I also need to work more exercise into my life, I will plan some exercise times and job search times, but my main goal is don't gamble and go to work each day.

Hey Newlife: Good going; It is so typical to have those thoughts........I have them a lot, but I fight them off and don't let myself do what the voice says. You are definitely making progress. Each time these thoughts re-occur, (and they will) I hope you will continue to remember how far you have come and not to waste all that effort you already put into resisting the addiction. I have been exercising a couple times a week at the gym, and I feel real good about it, even though I don't like exercising, I look at it as a job I have to do.

Thanks
The words of encouragement are nice.

That is an excellent update NewLife ,

At over 2 weeks Gamble-free , your strength and self awareness are growing every day . Celebrate that victory . You could have easily given in as so many of us have done time and time again . You're taking back control of the word NO , and you are owning it !

I own the "a day at a time" book and decided to browse it this morning of day 16 it states "can I ever afford to forget what it used to be like, even for one minute?"
That IS what I will need to remember, all of the hell and horrors I went through. I fought so hard early in my life before gambling to have freedom from anyone abusive and call the shots in my own life. Freedom and Autonomy are my big dreams!! So to have gambling controlling my mind is truly hell on earth. I'm slowly walkin' out of the Flames. Yes!!

ahhh the allure the delusion of the free play
just prolonging the hell
glad you were able to stay away

remember to "play the tape ALL THE WAY THRU"

if I was offered free play and went w/ out ANY money or access to money and walked out w/ 5K it would just "feed the beast"
I'd mentally obsess about how "lucky" I am in general, I'd be craving to go back, get more (mental hits, mental juice, mental HIGH), and it would start all over again -- ending w/ loss over time and mostly LOSS OF LIFE time

keep on keeping on -- just today, even 10 min at a time, one day at a time