First post, hopelessly addicted to gambling

Hello, I'm a male in his early thirties and I'm so addicted to gambling I don't know what to do. I've lost almost everything. I still have a car and a job, but that's about it. I don't know how much I've lost. I don't want to know. It's in the hundreds of thousands, maybe millions. I started gambling when I was 15. It started innocently enough, helping my dad pick games to bet and getting a piece of the profit after a good week. I started betting on my own at 16. My bookie told me I was the only 16 year old he knew betting $200+ a game. I of course discovered casinos as well. I began sneaking into the local Indian casino with a fake id when I was 17. I loved playing dice and blackjack. I'd win some, I'd lose some, but all I really cared about was the rush. That rush when you have a big bet out there and the outcome is unknown, is like no drug around.

I honestly don't care if I win or lose. Don't get me wrong, I like winning, but I crave that rush. As I got older the amounts I'd have to bet per hand or per game to feel that rush grew. Fast forward a few years and I'm broke. I'm worse than broke. I owe thousands to bookies and have thousands in unpaid markers. My dad bails me out. He pays off my debt and I swear I'll never gamble again. That lasted a couple of weeks. I currently owe about $12K to bookies. My credit is ruined. I couldn't afford treatment even if it was available. I've stolen from friends and family, I've lied about borrowed money. I don't know where else to turn, or why I'm even wrtiting this to be honest.

Hi New blue!

Welcome. I can relate directly to your story. 15 years of fulltime gambling drove me right to the edge. I am now 32 and 95 days gamble free. Even though 95 days is a fairly short amount of time the change is dramatic.

My brain now functions at a normal thoughtful level. I am no longer under the 15 year gambling fog.

The start is hard but the key is to not focus on your losses.

Draw an imaginary line in the sand and say what has been lost is gone forever. Then work, work hard day by day to stay gamble free. In the begining I logged in to this forum every single day, and made sure I posted somewhere.

It takes time but you too can begin the repairing process.

i look forward to your next post and hearing you are gamble free for another day!

All the best

Welcome to the forum Newblue,

This is a hard addiction to get over, but it is possible. I read your post, but didn't see if you wanted to quit or not? It is so easy to say "I want to quit", but much harder to do so. The first step is a sincere want to quit gambling forever and to be OK never having that gambling rush again. Im not going to lie... I loved that rush while I was gambling and still do, but I love so many things more. Right now you may be in the vicious mental cycle that gambling brings and it is hard to think clearly (even though you think you are right now) so you must do all you can to stay away from it. I suggest reading the post about Strategies to stop gambling first. There is a wealth of experience there. I hope you keep posting and work on this recovery with all of us.

Some states offer free treatment for gambling addiction. Call a hotline or check online for centers in your state to find out. Also GA meeting are free and people at GA will know about treatment options. You can find meeting times and locations online.

Newblue, welcome!

I am sorry that you are addicted to something as devastating as a gambling addiction. I hope that you find something or someone else that gives you the same connection feeling that gambling gives. Gambling is attractive to us when we feel overwhelmed by circumstances or disconnected from others.

Considering your thefts, I am afraid that you may end up in jail. Please consider giving control of your money over to your family. Your life at this point depends on a big change.

Thank you all for your responses. This isn't going to be easy. But I want to stop this from ruining my life anymore than it already has. Looking backwards will do me no good, it only brings about guilt and remorse. I have to stay in the present and think about the future. I'm going to look up and attend a GA meeting. I'm familiar with these types of meetings because I'm also an alcoholic (3 yrs 4 months sober). So, today is day 1, no gambling.

It's not a good sign that newblue hasn't responded...

Thank you all for your replies and support. I'm going to attend a ga meeting this Thursday. It's the earliest one that is remotely close to where I live.

buster1969 wrote:It's not a good sign that newblue hasn't responded...

I've tried several times to respond to this thread but it says it must be approved by a mod first. Anyways I haven't gambled today and I've worked out a payment plan with my bookmaker and I told him to close my account permanently.

Well done newblue! Closing down and self exclusion is an absolute must. Please keep us posted it helps us all to hear of everyone's little victories' stay strong and stay positive x