When reality kicks in

I know all about this addiction and I managed to battle it and stayed GF for over 180 days. However after letting my guards down, I relapsed in May and got back into that dark vicious cycle again. I started enjoying it after a couple of winning sessions and soon enough five months later, I have lost $12000 in which my biggest loss sessions was in these past three days. On Wednesday I lost 7500 on roulette then on thursday another 1500...it was one of my craziest gambling sessions ever. I was completed overwhelmed by my inner demon. I was spiralling out of control. I took cash advances, emptied my savings account and used all the money intended to pay my mortgage. I started lying again, borrowing money from friends trying to cover up my tracks by asking for bail outs and so on...all these habits I once truly hated and was happy to say goodbye to for over 180 days returned.

This is a lifelong battle and gambling addiction is really strong. And I am not here to let off steam after a big losing session but i am here to stay. It hurts knowing how I have devastated myself and my family again and all those money gone. But I have to move on. I have battled this demon before and I am going to do it again.

Sorry to hear what happened to you.The good thing was you were able to stop for 180 days ,it means that you can stop it and you can do it.No choice but to start from day one again and confront all issues.I myself is having some urges lately and is doing my best to ignore it.

wanghuoyan88 wrote: This is a lifelong battle and gambling addiction is really strong. And I am not here to let off steam after a big losing session but i am here to stay. It hurts knowing how I have devastated myself and my family again and all those money gone. But I have to move on. I have battled this demon before and I am going to do it again.

I am sorry that you had slips back into compulsive behavior.

A day at a time we can choose life, over this retreat from life called gambling. I wish you 24 hours of no gambling.

I relapse too after 4 months of GF. That was longest I stayed GF for over 18 years! In past 2 weeks I've lost over $1000. Money that I'm supposed to save for a car. Now I'm at square one. For the past year I've been out of a car for over 6 months because of this compulsive gambling...
This illness is soo real... I'm fighting it too.

I'm sorry to hear this Wanghuoyan , but I am positive that this is just a temporary setback for you . I relapsed after the same amount of time . The speed and strength with which the addiction returned was terrifying . It was the final wake up call for me .

I know you can beat this and I'm proud of you for returning to the forum . It's not easy to come clean when we relapse . You know what to do . Hold your head up and move into your future .