Im done.

Good evening everyone.
Ive been gambling for 2.5 years and have lost 25k
Im in my early teens and have screwed up bad.

About 1.5 years ago i was down 5k and posted it online explaining my situation. I was given a lot of advice on what to do but i didnt listen i was so dumb. About 6 months later i lost another 10k then i posted my story again. Still i got the same advice but didnt listen. By then i was gambling almost every day etc online casino and the real casino. I just couldnt stop if i lost 100 i would keep chasing it until i won it back plus some i was greedy i just couldnt stop. Now i lost another 10k and 4k in debt. I feel so low i just lost 5k in 1 hour trying to recover my money im so stupid ive hit rock bottom. I work so hard for my money but cant stop im dead on the inside wearing a mask everyday when people see my covering up my true feelings. Ive now pretty much banned myself from all online gambling and its impossible to start it again. I just feel so down i dont know what to do with my life. I try and try to stop maximum for 1 week then i just go crazy.
I just want my life to be normal. Now i have no money and feel useless. I cant tell my parents because they will be so disappointed. No one knows how bad my situation is.
I failed and failed. This time will be the last time i will try and stop. I pretty much cant gamble anymore because i blocked or i banned myself from thoses sites.
I was trying to save money for xmas now ill have barley any. Everytime i think about the losses i feel so ashamed all the hard work i did to earn that gone down the drain.
I will try and stop to the best of my ability forever. Im done wth gambling. Even thinking about it makes me want to vomit. How do i avoid the feeling of going back to win my money i hate it, when i think of all the monry i lost i just want it back.
Thanks for reading will keep you all updated. Have a good one.

Welcome to the forum Lrgnight , and well done for coming here .

This is a hellishly difficult addiction to overcome and most of us have relapsed on our journey to recovery . The key is to not stop trying . I think of my addiction as an evil alien parasite in my brain that wants total control over my mind and my actions .

When we stop gambling , the addiction stops getting what it needs to stay alive , and like any other entity in that situation , it's going to fight tooth and nail to keep itself alive . It's going to plead , nag , scream , bargain and cajole . It's going to tell us anything it can think of to get us to gamble again .

Every single one of those things is a lie , designed to lure us back into the trap . It's only goal is to keep itself fed , alive and in control .

Cutting ourselves off from gambling is the beginning our fight to kill this thing and its hold over us . It is not an easy , quick or pleasant process . The good news is this : The hardest part is in the first months . The longer you remain gamble-free , the more strength and clarity you gain .

It is a battle , and you need a battle plan . If you haven't done so already , I recommend reading the Strategies thread at the top of the page . There is good , practical advice there for dealing with the urges in the first few months of recovery . Try everything , keep what works .

Feel free to post here as often as you want to - we have all been where you are , many of us more than once . You are not alone .

You can do this !

Thanks for the advice new i agree 100% its like somethings controlling me when i gamble or have the urge.

Today im 1 day gf. It makes me sick to think about what i dod yesterday i dont have the urge manily because i have no money and i lost a lot yesterday. Hopefully it gets easier day by day. Im still pissed off because i was meant to have 15k for xmas now if i stay gf free ill only have 5k yes its a lot to some people including myself but when i considered how much i could of had it makes me pissed and sad. Anyway ill post everday to update myself have a good one

Hey Lrgnight,

Welcome to the forum. If you don't want others to find out, the best thing to do is stop if right now. It ok to feel sad that we lost the money, but feeling angry can dangerous for us. We start to think that we need to get that money back ASAP and seem to think that gambling is the solution. It isn't! Only hard work is the solution. You can live a normal life still, but you need to learn from this experience and remember the feeling of disgust it brings you.

I wish you the best on your journey of recovery. Please keep on posting!

Thanks for all the support and such.

i have tried to quit many times and failed. But everytime i tried to quit there was a 0.001% part of me that still wanted to play. This time i feel its different im so sick of this $#%^ that no part of me wants to go back. Ive been reading a lot on gambling recently and have accepted defeat. This time im going to quit and its going to stay

Its been 2 days gamble free and i still feel ashamed of how i lost 5 k in 1 hour i feel so dumb hopefully that feeling passes soon. Will update daily

Lrgnight wrote: Everytime i think about the losses i feel so ashamed all the hard work i did to earn that gone down the drain.
I will try and stop to the best of my ability forever. Im done wth gambling. Even thinking about it makes me want to vomit. How do i avoid the feeling of going back to win my money i hate it, when i think of all the money i lost i just want it back.
Thanks for reading will keep you all updated. Have a good one.

The number one piece of advice I can give you is that thinking about your losses is really destructive. The only way that I can find peace and a way forward is to view my losses as just an "expenditure." A lot of folks have investments that go bad. I know people who paid for expensive graduate degrees and never used them. I know folks who opened up restaurants and or other businesses and they went bust. These people pick themselves up and keep moving forward. Please don't dwell on money lost.

The worst loss from gambling really is lost time. I lost valuable time to be with people that I love. But even with that loss, I have to forgive myself for that as well. For some strange, fatalistic reason unbeknownst to me, I had to go crazy (being in casinos) for a few years. But I never want to go back to that.

When one is in the gambling mindset, you are not really present. It is a state in between life and death. Nowadays, no matter how unpredictable life can be, I chose to be in life. I wish everyone here 24 hours of no gambling.

Thanks for the advice ill try and not think about the losses and move forwrd.
Day 3 Getting a little bit easier day by day still no urge to gamble what so ever. Just realized that if i didnt go all out a few days back and kept the money which i really needed for the end of year i could of had surgey to fix something, but i guess ill have to do it later..... Will keep updating take care

Hi LrgNight..

Just checking in to see how you are getting on?

Hope all is well!