your saddest moment?

This thread has me in tears. I can relate to the pain in all of your stories. It truly is heartbreaking. We become someone we don't want to be and we don't know how to stop it. It's like be possessed but being fully aware that what you're doing is wrong.

For me, my saddest moment follows me every day. My daughter was moved 600+ miles away and instead of handling the situation, I have made it much worse by gambling away all of my money and stacking up debt. Not being the father I should be because of gambling is so painful. All the times I've had to tell her I didn't have the money to come visit. Or the birthdays and Christmases when I have to find a way to get her a few gifts because I've blown all of my money. "It's not much but Daddy didn't have a lot of money." Daddy had plenty of money before he gambled it all away.

So, for me the disconnect with my daughter is my saddest moment, and it lingers every day.

I've had many sad moments with gambling. A LOT of them. I just turned 22, I have a 1 year old going to be 2 at the end of October. I'm in a common-law relationship with my SO for over 3 years now. I've never really had a problem with slots up until last year in February. I played before with my mother, back then though it was an occasionally fun thing to do, just throw in 20 and play slots, I was actually pretty lucky when I first turned 18 and started going out with my mom. I could turn 20 into 300. I had a constant winning streak like that for almost 10 months. And my mom was an encourager, she's been gambling addict since I was little. So she was partly the reason I would gamble back then because I appearantly had "a beginners luck streak". I didn't mind it, I had money all the time. It was nice. But just recently this past year and a half I've managed to put myself in a very big hole! I didn't think I would be leaving my daughter hours at a time just to play slots but sadly I do and most of the time I come home empty handed and angry because I just lost my rent money, my food money or my bill money. I've had my fair share of wins I guess. When I first started gambling again, I won a 1000 playing keno on a max bet. After that, I was hooked. I noticed if I played 5 numbers I could win 200 no problem. Or win 400 or a 1000. It was a good way to make money when I first started but now it's like, I need 200 a day to throw in the machine and hopefully win a 1000. Actually that happened today, I pawned my iPhone 6 for 200, went to the slots while my mom watched my daughter. Told her I was going to run a few errands and I'll be back. I ended up staying at the lounge for over 2 hours just playing and I've managed to win 1000! I thought great I will go get my phone out of the pawn, go see my SO at work and give him a few dollars and head home, but I instead got greedy and decided to gamble my recent winnings thinking I can double it and ended up losing it all!!! Can you believe that?? I am so stupid! I had this little nerve and voice in my head saying "just go home" when I won, I regret not listening to it now my cupboards are still empty, we have no milk nor food or gas money for my SO to go and work. I'm a terrible person. I can't believe I lost all of that money! I could've stopped at any point but I didn't! I just kept thinking of that 1000 I won so easily! I need help. I can't believe how bad I have gotten. I'm angry at myself , all the time! To a point where I feel depressed, my body feels depressed, I want to just sleep all day and every day but I can't. My daughter is what keeps me going.

I read majority of everyone's saddest moment and I'm glad this thread was made for us to all share our lowest point where we know we need to stop. My saddest moment is being with family and always checking my phone in the bathroom or somewhere private where no one can see. I feel like a little crack addict trying to get a line in before i can go have fun. Instead of crack, i'm sports betting. always seeing what's next, always seeing what the line is. Just recently i was up 4k, now down 6k. This addiction will kill us if we don't put a stop to it. It's either we stop completely because for me i know for me trying to control it is not an option. I'm to much of an aggressive gambler that one day i'm afraid i may blow my 401k open just for one bet. I'm 32 years old and I cannot hit rock bottom at this age.

No matter what or when your saddest moment is in life, be positive and make a change to be better than yesterday.

gran wrote:Hi petemon, I started this thread because thinking about how dreadfully sad gambling had made me feel was actually the impetuous I needed to stop. These horrible low times we experience, and for me that included some thoughts about suicide, are, I believe instrumental in helping us to stop this horrible addiction! If I have thoughts about gambling I recall my lowest points and ask myself "do you really want to visit those dark times again? Do you really believe money is that important? Do you really want to make some millionaire even richer? Oh and at the same time want to kill yourself?" I really hope you are finding some inner peace some inner strength and putting one foot in front of the other and walking away x

Gran,

I like the question you asked towards the end of your statement. I continue to ask those questions everyday to keep myself accountable.

FastMhz wrote:My saddest moment is being with family and always checking my phone in the bathroom or somewhere private where no one can see.

I can totally relate to this one. Having the scores updates in my hand all the time. Being absent from the conversation and constantly thinking about that goal I need. Feeling anxious and excited more and more until the final whistle in the game...I hate it. I couldn't let the phone out of my hand. I would even drive and watch it constantly.
And than the lies. Lying to my close ones about why I'm so often on my phone and why I don't have more money although I work constantly.
I just pray that I will never ever get back to that.

Hello all you lovely people, I have read your posts and yes they are all so very sad, especially when we have somehow hurt our loved ones, but this is the very reason why we have to be serious about kissing this addiction goodbye! I know it's about not having the money, but we don't have the money because we threw it away, we gave it to gambling sites/casinos that have banked it and continue to get rich. We have to know that this money for us is gone, end of. But we are still here for our families friends and loved ones and that is 100% more precious than money, stay strong and keep walking away. X

gran wrote:Hello all you lovely people, I have read your posts and yes they are all so very sad, especially when we have somehow hurt our loved ones, but this is the very reason why we have to be serious about kissing this addiction goodbye! I know it's about not having the money, but we don't have the money because we threw it away, we gave it to gambling sites/casinos that have banked it and continue to get rich. We have to know that this money for us is gone, end of. But we are still here for our families friends and loved ones and that is 100% more precious than money, stay strong and keep walking away. X

Thank you Gran for the reminder.

For the past 4 weeks I have withdrawn from my checking $1500 per week, that is a total of $6,000. Looking back I feel so foolish and of course the first thing we want to do is get it back. That's where we must stop because what happens once we get the money back? We go and continue playing again and again to win more. However that never works, we end up losing the money we made back. I'm sorry but the only way to stop this addiction is to stop, accept the lose and step away. Ladies and gentlemen, we are smart individuals and we need to think logically and further down the road. Everyday not gambling is a day of victory in gambling addiction.

FastMhz wrote:Everyday not gambling is a day of victory in gambling addiction.

Yes. To paraphrase Gran, you and everyone here is 100X more precious than money.

getting_better wrote:

FastMhz wrote:My saddest moment is being with family and always checking my phone in the bathroom or somewhere private where no one can see.

I can totally relate to this one. Having the scores updates in my hand all the time. Being absent from the conversation and constantly thinking about that goal I need. Feeling anxious and excited more and more until the final whistle in the game...I hate it. I couldn't let the phone out of my hand. I would even drive and watch it constantly.
And than the lies. Lying to my close ones about why I'm so often on my phone and why I don't have more money although I work constantly.
I just pray that I will never ever get back to that.

I can relate to this one too.
Sometime i was sneaking off at family dinners to check scores etc for my Sportsbet.

So glad I've had the patience to read all the thread, the answers were really depressing - but true.

My saddest moment was a few weeks ago, when I had over 25 days GF. My friends were playing on the slots and I thought it couldn't harm to bet a low amount. And of course - I won - the worst thing it could happend. Then another day again, and again and the rock bottom hit me today, when I gambled away a weeks money in less than 3 days. I was shocked about how can't I understand that there was no chance of winning my money back and kept trying to get the losses. Also, since I started again I found myself with a lack of motivation,I'm not so happy as i was when I was GF, I lost valuable time playing at the slots when I could play pool or work and the worst part - I dissapointed myself by confirming that I don't have such a powerful will..