your saddest moment?

Hi petemon,

I'm so sorry to hear about your current condition. Made me really sad.
I hope you will feel better soon and you will make the most out of this painful relapse.
Stay strong

Thank you GB!

The support is very appreciated and your advice is perfect - I need to learn from this so I can be there for the next person that falls

As NSR noticed, I did make it 45 days not too long ago before starting this hell all over again. My goal now is to eclipse that mark and go from there. 45 days isn't much, but it is still something given I had access to credit during that time. On the other hand, only people with a serious problem would ever use credit card cash advances for gambling!

It's Day 3 and the shock, shame, and guilt are slowly subsiding and I actually did leave my apt today for about an hour to go to the PO, library, and buy a few groceries. Baby steps. Next week - full-scale job search and more gamble-free days ahead

Hi petemon, I started this thread because thinking about how dreadfully sad gambling had made me feel was actually the impetuous I needed to stop. These horrible low times we experience, and for me that included some thoughts about suicide, are, I believe instrumental in helping us to stop this horrible addiction! If I have thoughts about gambling I recall my lowest points and ask myself "do you really want to visit those dark times again? Do you really believe money is that important? Do you really want to make some millionaire even richer? Oh and at the same time want to kill yourself?" I really hope you are finding some inner peace some inner strength and putting one foot in front of the other and walking away x

Dear Gran,

We are similar in that we both started this ill-fated affair with slot machines later in life without any awareness whatsoever at what it could do to us financially and emotionally.

Both of us were plodding along happily raising our families and thought, "Oh it will be fun to try something new and exciting!"

Instead, our happiness was stolen along right along with our money.

Thank you for coming here to help yourself right along with helping others like me

Last night I was sitting on my back porch enjoying a beverage (but still very ashamed about what happened 5 days ago) and gazing east towards the casino/The Devil and I said a prayer....it was not for myself but for the others who were there right then gambling away their dignity and rent....I wasn't praying to any type of god-like being; it was more like trying to connect directly with those poor souls knowing how tough the next days will be for them. Then I gave thanks to no one in particular that I wasn't there.

It's a horrible addiction, and as many others agree, probably the worst of all.

All the best gran and congrats on the string of days you have put together. Stay strong and never go back!

P

Hi petemon, what a lovely heart felt response. I too think about us all every night and hope that we are all keeping strong because we don't need this horrible addiction in our lives we really don't. I am so very determined never ever to go back to those dreadfully sad and horrible days. Yes I am in a mess financially but I still have a roof over my head food in my belly and my beautiful family, I really don't need anything more xx

Saddest moment. So so many. This morning I said I had to work instead of spending time with my amazing wife and my miracle baby boy. It wast a lie I was going to go work but I decided I was going to win some money first because my mom was in a tight spot and needed to borrow a couple thousand. I had 4K at that time so I would have been strapped for the month but I could have made it happen. But no I figured that I could win a thousand or so. Long story short I now have $1200 and can't loan her the money she needed. I sat in my truck for an hour thinking what a piece of s2$( I have become and just felt so so horrible. But then when I got home late after blowing a ton of money I see my wife and son smiling and loving and I just lost it. I sat in the bathroom with the shower running and just let what I have become sink in. I love them so much and they deserve so much more than me. I always make sure they have everything they need but I still blow so much money and spend so much time working to make ends meet it makes me sick. I just want to live a normal life. I want to help my friends and family and spend time with them but instead I just work to make money and blow half of it gambling it's so embarrassing and I don't have the guts to tell anyone about it. Sorry for the rant but unfortunately my worst memory is right now. I wish you all the best!

Gr8life wrote:I want to help my friends and family and spend time with them but instead I just work to make money and blow half of it gambling it's so embarrassing and I don't have the guts to tell anyone about it.

At least you are posting here to talk to us. That is a first start.

You are ahead of others who are in denial because you realize that your gambling behavior makes you less available as a partner to your spouse and as a dad to your child. I hope that you can get help, because gambling is unlikely to make you rich, and it causes harm. Can you go to a GA meeting near you?

Best wishes, and keep posting, even if you are still gambling.

I probably have two.

1. Was a Thursday night and i was having a bet on the dogs.
I lost a quick 100 (betting $10/$20 bets) then upped my bets to chase the losses.
Next thing you know i was $500 down.
Decided to go BANG and have $500 on a 2.50fav and it was leading all of the way and got done by a nose after a photo finish...wasnt happy.
Then went BANG $500 on a 3-1 Hobart Harness horse i knew nothing about and it lost.
$1500 in three hours gone.
I was about 25.

2. Worked a 7-day week and was living by myself for this year (about 22) so i thought on the Sunday night 7pm i would treat myself to two or three beers at a restaurant and a good meal.
Was next to the Casino.
I thought, WHY NOT, put $50 on roulette (GONE) then kept betting and was $1000 down after 3 hours.
Had $10 left and i got a couple of spring rolls from the food court and drove home having done my weeks wage.

All my saddest moments revolve around my remembering how I abused my relationship with my sister.

Although all the money I've lost is regrettable and makes me sad (and a whole host of other negative emotions,) it's the lying to myself and others that's done the most and seemingly irreparable damage. I lied and stole from my sister.

I burst into tears just writing that down.

She hasn't spoken to me in almost 9 years.

Hugs Rejand ,

The damage that addiction does goes far beyond our bank accounts . I hope you have a chance someday to re-connect with her and that you both find forgiveness and healing .