your saddest moment?

lostime wrote:Hi I'm new and I think this is a wonderful site.

My saddest moment of gambling was the day I decided to start gambling. Like all of you, I have plenty of memories that were sad and depressing. Losing a ton of money all at once. Going back repeatedly only to continue to lose. Win big on a slot only to lose all back the same session and then some. There are too many to count. So for me, my worst day was the day I decided to start gambling and all the lost time and missed opportunities that will come with this disease.

My happiest moment from this will be the day I ban myself from the casino I go to (20 miles away) and start living my life again. Not there yet as I've finally found a therapist who specializes in gambling and hopefully will help me regain control of my life.

Thanks for reading.

Welcome to the board, Lost time.

Yes, for me starting gambling was one of the worst directions that my life has ever taken. I listened to the bragging of a friend who had won money as a card-counter. Little did I know at that time that this supposed "free money" is never free. Even for her, this friend who was a card counter, she was had a lot anxiety when she gambled. Won money is, to me, like money stolen, it is "hot," meaning that it never truly feels at home in our hands.

Only you can make the decision to self-exclude. But I can tell you, that for me, when I finally did it, I so regretted not doing it sooner.

TimeToQuitNow wrote:aka not being able to quit and withdraw once in profit rendering the entire point of gambling to win money as pointless. Never could walk away.

Gambling is ultimately not about money or getting ahead financially. It is about chasing a thrill. A gambler is never satiated or satisfied.

blue_green_lake wrote:Gambling is ultimately not about money or getting ahead financially. It is about chasing a thrill. A gambler is never satiated or satisfied.

So true BGL!

I'm writing to share that today is my saddest moment. My gambling has progressed to the point where I have little hope or happiness left.....and I'm scared

I managed to go 45 days without gambling from mid-May until early July. I went back on July 4 and won a little bit. Since then, I have been back to my usual ways.....gambling about once a week...and every time losing around $1000 which is two weeks pay gone in about 3 hours

Now, I'm not even working as I resigned from my job last week

On my last visit two days ago, I was lucky to get back to even after very nearly losing everything in an hour. Did I stop? No, but initially I moved to a new machine to unwind and bet very small. I only lost $30 but was so annoyed that the machine I was playing was so cold while the two ladies on either side of me were hitting bonus after bonus. So, I went back to the $1 machines to try to make up the $30 and instead, you guessed it, lost everything culminating in betting $3 a spin with the last $250. That lasted about 20 minutes. Why do we do this to ourselves?

Anyway, to BGL's point, it has reached a point for me where it's never enough and I can't stop until everything is gone. In the past, I would have never given it all back after making it back to even. I can't stand the pain and despair and am left with no motivation to even look for a job right now.

petemon wrote:I managed to go 45 days without gambling from mid-May until early July. I went back on July 4 and won a little bit. Since then, I have been back to my usual ways.....gambling about once a week...and every time losing around $1000 which is two weeks pay gone in about 3 hours

Dear Petemon, I am so sorry you are going through this. It's hell, and also isolating.

For me, I had to ask myself why I wished for the escape that gambling provides.

I frankly used to judge people who got drunk. But now I see that my own time at casinos was a form of drunkenness or drug high. Money is just the means. If we were gambling for something like paper clips or bottle tops, the appeal would be lost. So I had to come to terms with the fact that I had an obsession with money and sums. But that obsession then ramifies into the gambling addictive behavior.

If we can let go of the obsession with money, that is the place to start. I try to trust that my material needs will be met in life. Someone here once posted, "It is not my job to place a bet." I love that quote and repeat it to myself.

Thank you BGL

This is new territory for me....for the first time I'm scared about the future and who I've become

The only positive is that I too used to judge people with drug problems/addictions. Now that I've become just that I do have a new sense of humility and compassion for addicts.

I do think gambling is the worst addiction of all; hence the suicide rate that is greater than all other addictions combined.

All I can do now is get through the next several days and hope that my outlook on life slowly improves.

petemon wrote:I do think gambling is the worst addiction of all; hence the suicide rate that is greater than all other addictions combined.

It is the worst addiction. Yes. It leaves no needle marks, you don't pass out when you do it too long, you don't vomit. But gambling can absolutely devastate individuals and families in profound ways.

It is hard to reverse the mental thought that gambling brings pleasure, but I am witnessing a miracle in myself that I don't care to do it, even if I gave myself the permission. It is such a stressful pastime, and so silly. When I engaged in it, I fretted over sums that a wealthy person spends on something trivial. Thus, we are really putting ourselves down to do this. We act like desperate, starving, grasping people without dignity.

I hope that you can see a way forward that brings you some healing and peace. Best wishes for recovery.

Thank you BGL for the kind words and wishes

This is new territory for me. Usually, I feel better after 2 days or so, although it still takes another week or so to get back to normal

Right now I can barely hold it together for myself let alone trying to help others

If anyone out there thinks they have a problem, but feels they can control it before it does real harm please know how quickly things can spiral out of control

A year ago, that was me

Now, the problem is severe and the damage irreversible. It's crazy how we feel very real pain and despair after a big loss, but somehow think it's still OK to go back. I can tell you from experience that the pain and despair only gets worse over time and that the emotional damage is just as serious as the financial

Best to all

Big Hugs Petemon ....

This is truly a horrific disease . Please try to find a GA meeting or some kind of counseling if you can . The depression brought on by the "gambling hangover" can be crippling .

You stayed away for a month and a half . You can do it again and go the distance . You know this .
Be gentle with yourself and try to look forward . Post as often as you can - we're here for you .

NSR your post means a lot!

I needed a friend more than ever today and you and BGL were there for me

I'm drinking some bourbon and watching football and feel that tomorrow will be a bit better thanks to the passing of time and the support that this forum offers

P

Hi there, Petemon. I hope that your day today, Friday, is going better than Thursday.

What we learned in GA is that the financial consequences from gambling can be reversed, but that other changes are the ones that are needed, that go beyond the financial.

You mentioned quitting your job. I know that the pressure must be hard right now; the financial issue is probably in the forefront of your mind. But in my experience chasing gambling losses will not solve this and will make it worse.

Have you considered (you probably have) self-excluding from the casino? In a way, those of us who gambled exclusively at casinos are lucky. Because we can self-exclude and the chances to gamble are not ubiquitous, as they are if a person is addicted to online gambling or lotto.

I am wishing you 24 hours of no gambling.

Hi BGL,

Not doing much better today either, but thank you for the advice

Am planning to move out of state at the end of October so at least for right now I'm not concerned about self-excluding. Also, yes the non-financial implications are what scares me the most. Sure, I have no job right now and will have to use credit/withdrawals from retirement to pay bills, but this terrible addiction has eroded my self-esteem and happiness to an all-time low. I haven't even left my apartment for 3 straight days

Anyway, thank you again for the support and I do realize that most everyone here has also hit their own "bottom" as well. Here's to all of us staying strong and learning to live without gambling

P