by Losernomore44 » Sun Jul 17, 2016 2:43 pm
Hello all, this is my first post as today is day 1 for me. I am a slot machine addict and have decided that I've finally had enough. I have been a "social" gambler for years, but was always able to keep it in check. Mostly played in destination spots while traveling. 6 years ago a casino opened in my city and since then my "habit" has turned into an addiction. I started out going with friends, my boyfriend, coworkers, mostly social. I had a lot of jackpot wins early on which created that feeling of needing to go back more and more. I have been very fortunate in my life and have a great job, great friends and family and a BF that I truly love. For whatever reason I created this secret life for myself where I started going to the casino on my own. I would go during work hours, (I have flexibility) and in the evening when I felt like I "deserved" it because I had a hectic day. Over the past 3-4 years I have gotten myself in a significant amount of debt by maxing out credit cards so that I could use my entire paycheck at the slots, which sounds so pathetic as I'm writing it. I am here I hopes that this this first step of accountability will give me strength and insight into staying bet free. I have tried to figure out the "why" behind my problem and am still inthat process. What I have identified is that I definitely have triggers that I am recognizing and acknowledging. My wonderful (not) casino has made me feel so special over the years. I have platinum status and also a personal concierge! Wow lucky me! No, not at all. They rope me in with "free play" and what a joke that is. Nothing that free has ever cost me so much in my life. I get texts and emails reminding me of VIP special events and parties, which I would respond and plan my days around, and therefor the number of events I have missed out on is so sad. I also had started to chase my losses. I believed that I could get back what I lost the day, week, month before by going more and upping my bets, surely this stupid machine has to hit soon, the jackpot is "due". Ugh when I think of how ridiculous that all is. I finally had a reality check that enough is enough. I have been praying to God to ask him to take this life sucking addiction away from me and I believe that he has answered. Yesterday I canceled my free play, ripped up all offers, requested they not send me any correspondence and I am feeling strong. I know it's only day one but my head seems clearer than it has in quite a while. For me my strategy is going to be one day at a time. I know I will have to alter my schedule and my whole thought process but I feel ready to do it. I know in the normal part of my brain that this is no way to live. I deserve so much more than I've been giving myself and it stops now. I am going to get out of debt, which seems realistically impossible, but I am going to commit to doing it. I am going to be nice to myself too. I think we have all been so hard on ourselves because we have gotten ourselves into this situation without anyone to blame. But that is not the way I will get to a better place. I have read some of others strategies and suggestions and I am going to take them. I will pay my bills the day I get paid and leave myself just what I need. I canceled my cash advance ability so when I actually have credit back on my card it won't tempt me. The bottom line is I Am going to do every single thing within my power to end this hell I've been in. I will pray every day and I will do it. I'm putting it out there so that it is real ( even if I'm anonymous and so is everyone else:) so I ask you all to pray for me as I will for you, send me positive vibes, whatever works. I have definitely had enough "fun". Thank you