not_surewhattodo1 wrote:
.... I just want to re-wind time.
...
.... Other times I just feel so angry and dissapointed, thinking what really SHOULD have been. I've effectively thrown away a chance to really change my life in the long term - knowingly. Now I'm so far behind it's ridiculous, grinding in an industry that's almost impossible.
It usually takes a lot of painful years to accept the fact that you are a gambling addict. Unfortunately you are still not there.
Your addiction tells you that you were so close to making it, you were only one day away from better life, you have lost control/concentration only for one day and $#%^ happened. I am afraid you might soon start to think to gamble your way out of this. If you could turn 50 in 70.000 once, why not do it again right?
There are many great replies to your post indicating what I am about to repeat again: IT'S ALL LIES.
Think about it - the disaster could have happened several times during the 70.000 run when you were close to 0, but you miraculously got back on top. Why didn't you stop than?
If you want to get out of this story you have to accept the fact that you are gambling addict. Than you will know that you were never going to make it through gambling. NEVER EVER! It was just a question of time when the disaster will occur. Because it is never enough. Even if you had 700.000 it would have been the same. Even if you played disciplined for year. There is nothing you could have done to avoid it. It was just a question of time.
Don't dwell over some details which make it seem like unfortunate event. Be scared of the main point - you have the addiction in your blood.
Sorry kid, but you have been playing with the fire for too long.