lost but determined

Thats me 3 days off a bet. I just wish it would leave my head as everytime I see an advert its so tempting. Not because I want to gamble but just because that is the routine of what my life has became because of gambling. I think about all of the money ive lost due to gambling and it makes me sick thinking about it. I never want to go bk to that place

Hey really great to hear from you Rozza and Jeff,

Jeff its great that you have joined this forum, thanks for the support and I hope I can support you. It is a horrible place to go to and its completely not worth it. I believe we need to recondition are brains to acknowledge long term highs as opposed to short term highs. I am currently also 3 days gamble free after a wobble and it is really hard. I think posting on this forum that you have gone another day gamble free will really help.

Thats really great your 6 days gamble free Rozza. I guess you are in a similar position where you have to quit now to try and get away from hurting your loved ones. I have done a lot of thinking over the last few days and have come to the conclusion that just because my loved ones do not know about my addiction, it does not mean it does not hurt them. The timely aspect of gambling prevents me and probably other GAs from seeing loved ones. I am also incredibly argumentative when I have not had a bet or when I have a "gambling hangover" from losing to much money. I therefore think I am being very shortsighted in the thought that "if they don't know, they don't get hurt". This I think should be an even bigger incentive to quit.

Thank you for your posts guys, we can beat this addiction together!

Alright guys. I have been gamble free all weekend in what would normally be the time where I would gamble the most. Kept myself occupied to try and keep it out of my head. Mojk, I tried Gamblers Anonymous before and it just wasnt for me, I feel a little more relaxed speaking to people on here about it so thank you for the advice and positivity you are bringing whilst trying to get away from the clutches of compulsive gambling. I have decided to watch re-runs of a show on BBC called britain at the bookies and it has just gave me an insight into how I must have been behaving when losing all my money and being worried sick because of my debts. Horrible.

Well done on your GF weekend Jeff !

You have to prepare yourself for the battle - gambling addiction will not go away quietly . It has been in control of your life for a long time and it will not give up that control without a fight .

To stay alive , the addiction needs to be fed and your money is its food . Like a living thing , when faced with starvation , it is going to try anything and everything to get what it needs .

The more you deny ( starve ) the urge to gamble , the weaker that urge becomes . Eventually , it will cease it's relentless attempts to get you back to gambling . It will not have the power to compel you to gamble anymore , but ...

It's not dead . It's like that horror movie with the evil alien that's frozen under the ice . It's just waiting for you to make the mistake of setting it free . And if that happens , it will roar back to life - far more powerful than it was the first time and much harder to defeat .

Stay strong - you are doing great !

Hi guys
Well I survived the weekend with out gambling (11 days now) and I'm feeling pretty good about it.
The hardest part was hearing that a friend of mine won 4.2 k on the poker machines after he put in only $150. I have to keep reminding myself that I donr gamble and in all likely hood he will end up putting all back in the machies anyway so it's a lost cause.
Tomorrow there is a 60 million oz lotto jackpot so that is my next challenge stating away from any chance of gambling when the urges are out rageuosly strong.
Still going strong, Rozza

High fivin' you Rozza !

The first month or two is tough - you are doing great ! It's hard to hear about other people's "wins" . It's a trigger , no lie .

I remember , early in my recovery , when I was still hanging out with gambling friends . When one of them had a big win and naturally had to share the tale with all of us , my standard response was always a sincere " Good for you ! " and a change of subject .

If the friend could not be derailed , I found a reason to politely leave the conversation . I admit , in the beginning , those occasions always left me feeling jealous and a little bitter .

At one point though , I remember listening to someone crow about how they won a $1K jackpot and I thought to myself " And how much did you actually spend to get that $1000 ? "

Shortly after that , I started to distance myself from that crowd . Later , as I got more control over my gambling urges , I let a few of them know that while they didn't have to walk on eggshells around me , I had no interest in anything to do with gambling and had nothing to add to any discussions about it . I was happy to talk about anything else though .

Frankly , after I stopped gambling , most of them dropped me like a hot potato . I wasn't " in the club " anymore . Maybe they are jealous of me now . Either way , we lost our common ground . They are still gambling their money away and I am not . If any of them ever want to come over to "our side" , I will be there for them but until then , it is best that I stay away .

Keep fighting - you are coming up fast on 2 weeks - that's huge ! Your head will begin to clear , you are getting stronger with every passing day . You will start to see your future as it should be - make the plans , create the goals , celebrate the victories . Do not let down your guard for a second .

It is all possible now !

This is my first time posting a reply about my life long gambling addiction. I intend for this post to help me in acknowledging that I do have a problem and that by resisting the temptation it will be my biggest win. I feel for all of you that struggle with this everyday. I hope we all know that we are very good individuals, but that the grip of gambling is many times too much for us. Keep the faith in yourself and the power of God for enduring the pain. Perhaps reading foot prints in the sand will help.
As for me I started gambling at the age of 18 (I am now 51). It began with the horses and I had one experience at the casinos when I was 27. It was an overnight trip, and I never went to bed just gambled the entire 24 hours. In 2007 a casino opened near me and I traded betting on the horses for the fast paced action of the slots. Have had at least 4 all nighters where I left the casino at 7 am the following day - took a shower - and went to work. Have lost thousands of dollars. jackpots I hit since 2007 were $20,000, $5,000, and maybe 6 to 10 times for $1,000 at the casino or a scratch off. Do the math perhaps $40,000 in winnings yet I still have 2 mortgages, an extended car payment, and several loans totaling about $25,000. Anything I have one has always gone back to the casino or the state lottery.
I have tried meeting on and off since 1998, promised myself countless times after a night of gambling that was my last. Even wrote in a notebook I WILL NOT GAMBLE a thousand times with only the same result - back to gambling. I have damaged trust with family and loved one's over my lies. And missed out on times I can not bring back - was at the casino rather then home with loved one's and my pets.
We all pretty much have the same story and find it very hard to stop. I have seen others stop for awhile and then return. All addictions are very difficult and can be relentless. Those that have won the struggle are very fortunate.
I still feel blessed as no matter how difficult it has been for me I still continue to survive. I have been fortunate not to hit rock bottom as many do. However I do realize that I can not continue on this dangerous path. At anytime the next bet can lead to total destruction. I respect that and am fortunate to be in therapy with someone that believes in me. I have seen my therapist for about 6 years now. My progress has been slow but steady. I do believe that there are many underlying issues that make gambling the easy escape for me. I will continue my journey to understand myself so that i will be one of the fortunate one's who stops gambling. I wish the same for you. Today I lost $250 dollars. I know it does not sound like much but I do not make $250 a day. Each loss is a set back, and from now on I will try to be aware of putting the set backs behind me. By not betting $1 or $250 tomorrow I will have that in my pocket which can lead to a normal retirement and a new way of life. I know longer want to be my worst enemy and continue the sleepless battle. It would be nice to put my head on the pillow at night worry free (I will welcome the everyday worries - I no longer want the gambling damage one's).
I wish the best to all of you - Hockeyguy41

Thanks for your support NSR!!
It's really good to come on this forum and know that "somebody knows" about my problem, besides the mates I have that are just gambling all the time because they don't want to stop.
It really is a trigger for me when someone wins and I have to keep fighting it.
Great to be here, thanks Rozza

NewSunRising wrote:Frankly , after I stopped gambling , most of them dropped me like a hot potato . I wasn't " in the club " anymore . Maybe they are jealous of me now . Either way , we lost our common ground . They are still gambling their money away and I am not . If any of them ever want to come over to "our side" , I will be there for them but until then , it is best that I stay away .

You are 100% right.

The reason this happens is: you no longer provide the pleasant experience of "we're in this together". Suddenly it feels weird to talk to you about how much they lost last night. Even worse, they subconsciously compare themselves to you and you come on top. An addict doesn't want to be addicted by people who are GF, because they are evidence that something's wrong in addict's mind. When they are surrounded by similar people, they don't have that feeling; "hey, all those guys are doing it, so it's alright".

Big hugs.

It's kind of odd , but I get the feeling that they think I look down on them now . I really don't ...

But yeah , you're right ...I guess I've become kind of an unwelcome reminder that the life they're living isn't normal .

It's sad , because they are all good people .